A World of One
by Nervous.Laugh
Summary: Bella finds out that she is more important to the Cullen's then she thought. And after they split up, it is up to Bella to find them again; it is up to her to rescue them from themselves. Will she succeed? Set in New Moon.
1. Prologue

_Bella finds out that she is more important to the Cullen's than she thought. And after they split up, it is up to Bella to find them again; it is up to her to rescue them from themselves. Will she succeed? Set in New Moon._

* * *

[We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.]  
~ Kenji Miyazawa

**A World of One**

* * *

_Once Upon a Time . . ._

My feet pound the ground as a scream rips from my throat, hurtling into the darkness.

… _there was a family, a decidedly odd family, it was true, but a family all the same …_

He's standing in the alley way, his startling blonde hair catching my eye. We are not alone in the lane and I watch as he stands guard over the whimpering man. A second scream tears from my throat as I notice his startling red eyes.

… _this family, you see, was composed of vampires …_

She looks so beautiful in her wedding dress; the delicate lace and faux blush forcing me to feel incomparably plain. Her voice shakes as she speaks the vows, the only sign of her broken façade. Slowly, she turns to look at me, a sense of hatred and contempt etched into her features.

… _and one day, a human joined their league. This would appear to be insignificant …_

'I'm sorry!' I find myself screaming over and over again. The broken, lifeless stares shatter me and I find myself pleading. She's much smaller than I remember, and I apologize for that, too. This once larger-than-life vampire reduced to a mere shadow. I feel frightened, conflicted and ashamed.

… _bar for one extremely significant birthday. Our story begins with such a birthday and features a paper-cut, you see. A paper-cut that would determine the existence of these vampires, a paper-cut that would question the human's beliefs … _

'He's dead,' she whispers to the blonde, fear in her eyes. My heart is hammering, my eyes begin to blur. 'I'm sorry!' I find myself screaming once more. I wonder if they hear me, or if this is all just a vile dream, a figment of my imagination.

… _I am that human ... _

My feet pound the ground as a scream rips from my throat, hurtling into the darkness. I stretch my fingers out before me: they appear eerily disconnected. My shoes connect with a fallen branch, causing me to fly through the air, momentarily halting our mission. I find myself apologizing again and again, willing somebody to listen. I pray that he's still living; I pray to find him breathing.

… _and I ruined the Cullen family. _

* * *

Author's Note: _I'm editing this story, and have updated chapters one - through to - thirteen as of April the 11th, 2011. I apologise for the radically different styles of writing and the poor grammar found in the latter portion of this story. Hopefully I will complete this within the next few weeks._


	2. I

_Twilight belongs solely (to the extent of my admittedly limited knowledge) to Stephenie Meyer, and any plotline or character(s) that is/are vaguely recognisable will most certainly be in the ownership of her._

* * *

**A World of One **

The rain slammed mercilessly into my window. The trees waged war with the wind; their twisted branches casting eerie shadows on my walls. I watched on as the water drops streaked my glass, leaving tears behind. The weather in Forks often reflected my mood: despondent, dejected, miserable.

Hopeless.

* * *

_Jasper slammed into Edward, the force equalling that of boulders. The blonde snarled, the sound tearing from deep inside his lungs, echoing out into the room. I watched with a desperate panic as Jasper tore at his brother in a terrifying attempt to get at me. Never had I witnessed any member of the Cullen's lose control like this; in my vague naivety I had almost forgotten that they were vampires at all. _

_My arm trickled with blood, pierced from the delicate fragments of glass. Jasper snapped his teeth with a startling amount of strength, growls erupted from his chest, his face inching closer and closer to mine. I found myself mesmerised by Jasper's eyes: they resembled large, golden orbs, a sense of insanity laced between his pupils. Not once did Jasper blink, not once did he lose focus, and this frightened me even more. I continued to cower behind Edward, my heart spluttering, my blood pooling, my hope tearing. _

_It was in an almost dream-like state that I watched Emmett pull Jasper away._

_Jasper struggled to gain control and I looked on as he steadied himself against Emmett, attempting to transfer back into the calm person that I had come to know. I was transfixed. His mouth slowly lowered from the snarl, falling into a state of horror. I felt Edward's body tense up as Jasper looked at him; a sense of shame in his features. The shame that I, incidentally, had caused. _

_Jasper took a step back, casting his eyes over his family: he held my gaze for a fraction too long before turning on his heel and leaving the room. Leaving the house. Leaving the family._

_And from that moment on I blamed myself. I caused the destruction of the Cullen family._

* * *

Perhaps I should have tried harder to convey that no harm was done. Or, better yet, perhaps I shouldn't have cut myself in the first place. What a foolish, ridiculous mess to be left in. A careless mistake, an infinitely irresponsible mistake. It ruined everything. I ruined everything.

I had forced Edward into looking for Jasper, to console him, to tell him that no blame was laid. It was easier than watching Edward try to control his need for my blood. It was preferable to watching him suffer.  
I had been examining the blackening sky with an almost alarming curiosity, too caught up in ignoring the glass protruding from my arm, that I had missed Edward re-entering the room. His expression was neutral, masking sorrow and pain. My stomach plummeted, my heart caught in my throat.

Edward had directed his attention to his family, more specifically Alice. "He's gone," Edward had whispered.

* * *

_I was perched on the wooden benches at Fork's High waiting for the Volvo to show up. And it did, eventually. Edward parked two spaces away; I easily covered it with my uncertain steps._

"_Where was he?" I demanded as soon as Edward stepped out. His face revealed no emotion, his movements strangely robotic, forced._

"_Where was he?" my voice was desperate, my eyes searching. Edward reached out to grab my hands but I jerked back. I repeated the question a third time with defiance._

_Edward sat himself down on the damp asphalt and I knelt down also. This time I allowed him to grab my hands._

"_Bella, they're some things you need to understand about Jasper. He's been a vampire for a long time now, and his . . . upbringing makes him see things differently to us. He's very skilled at fighting; he's very good at being sneaky. He's great at hiding evidence and he's brilliant at covering himself up." _

"_What does that have to do with anything?" _

"_Jasper has a lot of experience with hiding evidence."_

"_Y-you mean he covered his tracks?"_

"_He covered his tracks," Edward confirmed. "We can't find him. Bella, Jasper doesn't want to be found."_

* * *

There were days when Alice wouldn't leave her room; there were times when she refused to look me square in the eye, moments when she would never seem to speak directly to my face. It would appear to most that Alice had become a shell, a clone of the old vampire. She shuffled around the house without feeling, her steps echoed dejectedly around the rooms. She, despite the irony, appeared ancient. And it terrified me.

She blamed me.

She blamed me that Jasper had left.

And so did I.

Sometimes I grew angry. Sometimes I was furious, livid, over Jasper leaving. How could he leave this family? How could he leave Alice? It was nonsensical to me. The Cullen's were grieving, they were broken. And while I was willing to bear the front of this sorrow, I refused to excuse the fact that Jasper had just left without a trace, with no _goodbye_s or _farewell_s. It was uncomprehendingly selfish.

On a windy Saturday, a week or so after Jasper had disappeared, I was lounging on the Cullen's sofa when Alice appeared. And for the first time since Jasper had left her posture was straight: she had an air of _meaning _about her. For the first time since Jasper had left, Alice was showing emotion. She was brimming with emotion. Brimming with anger.

Anger at me.

* * *

"_You!" she snarled, pointing her index finger at my chest. "You come in here with your _stupid _b-blood and your _stupid _paper-cuts and your _stupid _clumsiness, a-and your _stu_-. __No, don't you _dare _apologize, Isabella Swan. You ruined my life, you wrecked my family!" Her voice was piercing and determined, and I hated how I stood there gaping. I loathed the tears that threatened to spill. "I hate you, Bella Swan. You're _pathetic_."_

_Alice swept out of sight, her footsteps coming from the porch landing. I felt a dead weight fill my stomach, my heart pounded against my ribcage with a startling determination. I was trembling, but from shock, fear, or the truth, I did not know. I wanted to grab her, to shake her and plead. I wanted to apologize, or else run far away, or perhaps sleep and not wake up until all this mess was cleared. Instead I spoke:_

"_Maybe you should find yourself a husband you can control." I closed my eyes. _Shit, Bella.

"_I didn't mean . . ." I attempted to salvage the situation._

_I heard a car door slam and an engine start. _

"_I didn't mean that," I muttered._

* * *

I suppose her words were more to spite me than out of truth. I guess at the time I didn't fully understand; I wondered how Alice could hate me. I thought we were friends, if not best friends. She was a sister to me. After some thought, of course, I realised that all of which meant next to nothing. I was a mere mortal human, known for a fraction of a lifetime and then forgotten. Alice had been with Jasper for decades: they'd been through it all together. How pathetic, how ridiculous I must have looked to them! A _paper_cut. A small, insignificant human's paper cut ruined the Cullen family.

I'd almost laugh it wasn't me who'd broken them.

.

Edward stopped coming to school after Alice left. A family crisis, Esme'd informed the principal. Meanwhile, Carlisle refused to allow Emmett, Rosalie or Edward to track Alice or Jasper.

"They'll come back when they want to. It's their decision." He'd repeated this mantra numerous times, until it was an almost constant chant in the back of my mind. _'When_they want to.' I'd liked that he'd said that, it provided a little gleam of hope in my otherwise tragic mindset.

.

The rain trickled down my window and I watched as it merged with the countless others: like tears, I had thought to myself.

A brief flash of lightening struck my room before casting it and myself back into darkness.

The next to leave was Rosalie.

* * *

Author's Note:_ My over-use of flashbacks are indicated by italics and the nifty spacer-lines. Originally I was using obnoxious bold font, but I felt subtlety was more aesthetically pleasing. It also looks ~pretty~ if you set the page to 1/4 or 1/2. Personal preference._

_Reviews are, as ever, appreciated._


	3. II

_The Twilight franchise belongs solely to Stephenie Meyer._

* * *

**A World of One **

We did not see Alice after that, and if the family didn't already blame me for Jasper's disappearance they sure blamed me for hers. And so they should have. They never said anything aloud to me but I felt their silent murmurs; I noticed the way the atmosphere changed when I entered a room, or the way they seemed to filter their words in my presence.

I liked visiting the Cullen's. I was almost addicted to the pain and emptiness over there – it made me feel almost sickly punished. Most of the time, however, it simply made me sad.

.

If the expression '_if looks could kill_' held any substance, I would be six feet under and rotting fast. Rosalie and I were already on rocky ground before 'The Birthday' and I expected the recent absence of her siblings to enhance the awkwardness. The first time my eye caught Rosalie's I expected anger. Cold, hard hatred. I expected glaring, poisonous eyes.

I wished she glared. I wished she spat and shrieked at me.

But instead in her eyes I saw a terrible sadness. Her expression brimmed with self hatred and blame; I sought out the tears that could not be shed. I saw the terrible pain from the loss of her favourite siblings.

If looks could kill, I would have begged for death. I would have begged for anything than to ever feel the pain that Rosalie felt. I would have begged for mercy, begged for illogical favours.

On the outside Rosalie was cold and heartless – obsessed with her looks.  
Inside she was a small child. Inside she was full of sadness.  
Inside and outside, Rosalie hated what she was. The proof of which shone through her eyes; ruining her brilliant façade.

The part that angered me about Rosalie's sorrow was that I couldn't do a single, _fucking _thing to help. I was utterly useless. All of this pain I had cast on this family, I was unable to repair.

I really loathed myself for that.

* * *

_I helplessly glanced over at the digital clock on the microwave, the seconds flicking up at an excruciating pace. Procrastination had always been one of my strong suits._

_Edward had organised to pick me up over ten minutes ago, and the overwhelming fact that he had never previously been late only further emphasised my worry. He had never forgotten to come, and worst-case scenarios settled themselves comfortably in my mind. _

_I checked the clock one final time. Eleven minutes. Twelve. I grabbed my jacket and keys and scrawled a note to Charlie, giving up on the appearance of a silver Volvo._

_._

_I hopped into my trusty cab, craning my neck to peer out the window. It was raining, of course. I couldn't even call it an ominous sign – Fork's weather was constantly rain, hail or clouds._

_Pulling out of the driveway, I forced the engines screams to drown out my worry._

_._

_The first sign that anything was odd was that Carlisle's car was on the lawn. Not having any need for sick days, Carlisle should have been at work. Also, he would normally have parked in his revoltingly large garage – his neglecting this rule indicated that he was in a hurry. I had seen several detective documentaries, and so considered myself qualified for such assumptions. _

_There was a lone figure pacing up near the Cullen's house, their body cast in shadow. I narrowed my eyes, obscuring the rainy haze with my eyelashes. It was Edward, I decided. His posture was dead straight, and I mistook this as a positive sign. _

_Jasper and Alice had returned. It was the only plausible think to pass my mind. It was, admittedly, an atrociously hopeful thought, but a thought all the same. I strode towards him, all earlier fears cast away. Alice and Jasper. Jasper and Alice. _

_By the time I had trudged my way across the lawn and gained the cover of the Cullen's veranda's shading, a giant smile was playing across my face; my eyes shone with anticipation. I was blissfully oblivious to his mournful expression – his mouth had all but disappeared into a thin line, his dark eyes deserted and haunted. His perfect eyebrows were pulled down into a grimace. He was a model of the living dead. Or, quite literally, the walking dead. It appeared as though he had run out of hope._

"_Rosalie's gone." Edward's voice was all but a mere whisper._

_My smile faded. He was studying my face, and I realised too late that he had expected some form of reaction. I dropped my head down, but it only looked pathetic. Calmly, Edward took a seat on one of the wooden chairs._

"_I think my family is broken," he stated simply. _

_Edward had always said that he didn't blame me for causing Alice and Jasper to leave. He had always said that it wasn't my fault, that mistakes were unavoidable. And up until now I had always presumed that he was lying, lying to make me feel better. Now, I realised, it was because Edward had never entertained the mere possibility of it being my fault._

"_Ar-are they looking for Rosalie?" my voice was small. Edward adverted his gaze, staring off into the distance, focusing on something that I could not see. His expression glazed over and slowly, slowly he pulled a note from his back pocket. I took the sheet from him and examined the curly script._

Family,  
I have decided that I need to be on my own for a while. There are some things that I need to figure out. Alone.  
Please do not follow me.  
Rosalie.

_My hands betrayed me by trembling. "What did Emmett say?" I asked._

"_To what?" the sound of a booming voice asked from behind me. I turned around, and found myself facing Emmett; a smile was plastered onto his face, his eyes laughing. A sick thud occurred in my stomach._

"_Don't you__mind__?" I asked._

_Emmett had always been the most hopeful of us all, always expecting Alice or Jasper to round the corner, or wander down the stairs, or emerge from a neighbouring hedge. Both his faith and his insane ability to __ignore the horrible possibilities was admirable. But surely, _surely, _Rosalie was an exception. Surely Emmett would tear down the entire universe in search for her._

"_Mind? Jasper and Allie will return one day, Bella. We're not always together as one big family; we often journey out singly for a few years at a time. They'll come back, just give them time." _

"_He doesn't know," Edward said from behind me._

"_What?" Emmett asked._

"_Esme found the note and she rang Carlisle home. They weren't going to tell me yet, either, except I, uh, read their minds."_

"_What are you talking about?" Emmett tried again._

_Edward's eyes slid towards the note that I held in my hand, nodding his head once. I had managed to tear the corners, to crinkle the sides. Not content with pulling apart a family, here I was destroying the last evidence that Emmett would have from his wife. I thrust the paper into Emmett's hands, my eyes not leaving the ground once._

_._

'You must live through some storms to receive the pot of gold at the end.'

_Renee adored quotes. Some mornings she'd write them in the fog left over from her shower, an inspirational message for her bleary eyed daughter's start of the day. I didn't think there'd be gold or happiness at the end of this storm. I didn't believe this storm would ever end. I had made the Cullen's life a constant hassle; I was a bothersome cloud over their lives._

_I had the courage to look up at Emmett once, but he had already left. His back disappearing down the path, heading out towards the forest._

* * *

It's not as though I blamed Emmett for leaving, because I didn't, but the image of his retreating back, his neglecting to say _farewell _to his family, was horrifying. Esme was inconsolable due to the loss of her fourth child, and I felt myself imploring as to _why _everything was suddenly so irreparably broken and so irreparably shit.


	4. III

_The Twilight series is in the ownership of Stephenie Meyer – my use of FanFiction almost certainly alludes to the fact that I am not her. _

* * *

**A World of One **

Charlie was snoring in the next room over; his consistent, steady breaths the only thing giving me comfort that everything was okay. Somewhere, in some other glorious world, everything was okay.

When I moved to Forks I was normal. I was an average, ordinary teenage girl – the biggest hassle in my life was upcoming exams, or stressing out over the weather, or fuelling my mother's enthusiasm for Phil. I was simple. And I was okay with that.  
The moment I saw the Cullen's in the cafeteria, however, my innocence vanished. No longer would the hardest tears be caused by memorizing Lady Montague's lines, or becoming nostalgic over sunny days. Learning the secret of these . . . strange creatures put me in a whole other league. Suddenly the idea of blood drinking, deathly pale, immensely beautiful beings was no longer fiction. These beings that could easily crush my bones to dust with a single handshake. These beings that ran faster than _possible,_these creatures that could stop out-of-control cars with a single hand. These creatures that were immortal.

These creatures that called themselves vampires.

And when I found out about their secret, I should have run. I should have cowered in terror, or screamed for mercy. But I didn't. Partly because I was madly and irrevocably in love. Partly because I was an ignorant, _stupid _little girl. And now my foolishness had torn apart a family.

_While being in love there are two requirements: heart breaking and healing. Breaking is instantaneous. Healing takes time._

I glanced down at my shoes, examining the miniature holes punched into the leather, examining the individual stitches. When I was younger I deplored buying white shoes; the stark white calling me out of the crowd, causing people to take notice of me. I was self conscious, and would often kick the shoes around in dirt before venturing out. When I was younger still, I used to adore buying new white shoes, and then later dancing out in public, showing the world my glowing feet. That was before I was informed that you're not supposed to show off. You're supposed to conform to society, to keep your head down and do what your parents tell you. I had seen nothing inherently wrong with this statement at the time.

I had fucked up. I had fucked up an entire family. And I just did not know how to deal with the guilt that wracked my body, the guilt that invaded my every thought. I felt terrible, sitting there in my comfortable room, whilst somewhere, _somewhere_out there Alice and Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie were alone. I would not cry for myself, it would be selfish. It didn't feel fair to Esme, who had no tears to shed. I had to be strong for them. I was not allowed to cry.

Some days I would wake up and, for the briefest of moments, I would forget all that had happened. And I felt truly, blessedly happy. I lived for those moments.

Other days I would wake up and just want to curl up and sink into oblivion. I wanted to sleep and then wake up and for everything to have repaired itself. I wanted somebody to go out and fix this mess that I had created. I wanted somebody to stand up and say; 'Bella's tired, and sick, and lost. She doesn't want to deal with this guilt right now, and she really is very exhausted. Just let her sleep; just let her be for a while.' I did not want to live in this twisted world that I had created for myself.

Some days, most days, I would just get up and get on with it.

Because I was offered no other choice.

* * *

_I sat in the Cullen's family room, sunlight was streaming through the windows and I watched as dust motes danced in the light. It felt wrong for the weather to be so beautiful whilst this family was grieving – especially for a place like Forks, where the whole population celebrated on the odd occasion that the sun appeared. It shouldn't be sunny, I decided. Not during these circumstances._

_I examined the patterns that the sun made on the wooden floor; the way the brightness sparkled and caught on the polish. It was oddly relaxing. It was as I was leaning back into the soft pillows that Carlisle burst into the room. His eyes were large and darting, I also noted that they were black. He hadn't finished hunting._

"_Esme and Edward aren't back yet?" he asked, catching sight of me._

"_Not yet, no? I gather they're still hunting."_

_I had waved them all off this morning with promises to look after their house. We all knew that Esme was allowing me to stay out of the goodness of her heart. I preferred it here. The empty sadness a heavy reminded of how wrong I was._

_Carlisle sunk down onto his knees, raising his hands to his face and groaning. I grew alarmed and stepped over to him, timidly patting his back in my awkward attempt to sooth him._ Please be strong. You're not allowed to breakdown. Please be strong. _My own mantra was slightly more pathetic._

_He removed his hands and looked at me levelly. I immediately removed my fingers from his back, blushing._

_Carlisle opened his mouth. "You're not in contact with Alice, are you? I know you two are close, and . . ." Carlisle's voice was so hopeful, it almost hurt: despite the implications of my friendship with Alice which was, apparently, void. At the same time I was shocked, and slightly angry. He was accusing me of knowing where she was and letting this family suffer. Did he think so little of me? Did he believe I'd lie and keep the truth from him and Esme? Perhaps Carlisle blamed me, although this wouldn't be a heart-stopping surprise. I blamed myself, too._

"_N-no," I stuttered and mumbled, unable to form anything other than one-word answers._

_Carlisle simply smiled at me. I wasn't sure of what to make from that. Was he in contact with Alice? Maybe he knew where she was. Maybe he knew where everybody was. Although, he'd never hurt Esme like that. Maybe Esme was in on it too. Maybe Esme knew where everybody was. Maybe everybody knew where they all were and this was all some big scam and sooner or later they'd all pop up laughing at me, as some extended birthday surprise._

_Meanwhile, in the reality that resided outside of my foolish wanting, Carlisle's smile crumbled. His eyes turned blank, losing hope, and I grew fearful. "I need Esme," he whispered. And I knew completely what he meant. I needed Edward. He'd know what to do; he'd never hover uncertainly beside his father's side. Edward'd say all the right things and know how to comfort._

_I wanted the boy that loved me. If, indeed, that was what our relationship could be deemed anymore. Our relationship that consisted more of awkward _hello_'s and rushed _goodbye'_s and terrible silences after 'The Birthday'._

_._

"_I was hunting," Carlisle began, "and I heard an odd noise from the north. At first I willed for it to be an animal; such an out-of-control sound was clearly not from any sane being. If I was being truthful with myself, however, I knew who owned such a guttural scream. There's no mistaking the smell of a vampire, especially one that I've lived with for decades. For what other vampire would be hunting in these areas? Not many hikers come through Forks, and the population really is far too limited to remain favourable feeding grounds.__  
"And so I made my way towards the sound, already fearful. The forest out there's full of tall, thin trees; their bark far too smooth for any human to climb. There's countless ferns and creepers marring my clothes, my whole surroundings cast in an emerald haze, any light filtering through dimmed by the greenery. It makes everything appear surreal. It's frightening, Bella.__  
_

"_I could smell the bear before I saw it; I could hear its heartbeat. The moment I reached the small clearing, I had already resigned myself to what I would find." Carlisle looked up at me, his dark eyes holding an emotion that I couldn't quite place. "And, as it turns out, my suspicions were proven true. Emmett was standing in a small clearing, facing a bear._'Come on,_'__Emmett chanted,__'_come on, come get me. Nobody else wants me_. '__He was unaware, or else did not care, of my presence. __  
"By this point I was edging backwards, unsure of what I should do. Of course, the bear couldn't literally hurt Emmett drastically, but the fact that he was willingly allowing an animal to attack him was terrible. The bear took a few uneasy swipes at Emmett; he was quite angered, yet still wary of the vampire. It didn't leave a mark on Emmett's white skin, and all the while he was screaming:__'_Why don't you want me, Rosie? Am I not good enough? I give up! I give up! I do not want to live an eternity without you. Nobody else wants me. Come on, come on, come get me. Come on . . ._'" __Carlisle trailed off, his eyes wide, his mind still in the forest, reliving the painful memory. Emmett's chant rang around the room, shocking the both of us into momentary silence._

"_And what," Carlisle began again. "What kind of __father __am I to just allow this to happen? W-what kind of person willingly walks away from a sight like that? I am a c-coward. I am a terrible . . ." Again he trailed off. The bear may not have harmed Emmett physically, but Emmett wanting to __die __hurt us all mentally._

"_We need to find Rosalie, then," I said. I was trying to be the one in charge, whilst really I was terrified that this father figure had turned to me to tell his story._

"_First we must find Esme," he corrected._

* * *

I had left the house to give the Cullen's some privacy, and so was not entirely sure as to how Esme responded to the news. It was certainly odd, there only being Esme, Carlisle and Edward left. I supposed, for a time, it had always originally been those three.

I was also not entirely sure as to how Edward responded to the news of Emmett's disappearance. Simply because Edward left. He had given up, he'd had enough. He walked away.

He walked away from me.

* * *

Author's note: e_ver since reading Mark Reads Twilight (which everybody should most definitely check out, it is glorious and wonderful and all things right with the world), I haven't been able to take either this writing seriously. If I'm being OOC or my facts are completely wrong, I apologise. FF is also merging all my words together, and so I apologise for that, too._

_* The heart-mending quote and the pot-of-gold quote from the previous chapter (that I may have shittily paraphrased), seemingly belong to nobody. Or at least my nifty Google'ing showed only anonymous authors._


	5. IV

_I do not own Twilight – Stephenie Meyer does._

* * *

**A World of One **

My eyes trained themselves on the raindrops that dripped down my window. I was, for once, grateful for the dreary weather – the background storm was calming. I had spent so long trying to get myself to forget the past, to mention Edward as little as possible. I had spent so long attempting to drown out the memory of him leaving, that I had completely forgotten to live. Sure, I functioned. I ate, I slept, I talked; but only the basics. It was pathetic how much of an impact Edward had on my life. Did he realise his control, did he realise how much hold he had on me?

Maybe if he did, he wouldn't have left.

* * *

_I had caused Jasper, Alice and Rosalie to leave. I had been a leading factor in causing Emmett to want to end his life._

_I was only eighteen and had already managed to wreck immortals. Give the girl a medal._

_._

_I watched as the shadows of the day changed to the darkness of the night. The steady ticking of the clock the only reminder that time existed._

_I stood up and left the room, careful to avoid the carelessly thrown C.D cases Edward had given me. Now but a mere reminder of how grim my life was._

_I was unwanted. Abandoned by my true love._

_._

"_Isabella," he had said in a flat tone._ Isabella.

_I looked searchingly into his deep topaz eyes. They looked guarded, flickers of emotion buried deep down. On the contrary, mine shone with a rare display of passion._

"_Edward," I acknowledged._

"_Bella, I've decided that this isn't working out."_

_I had looked at him, oddly unsure of his meaning._

_He'd run his hand through his tousled hair and then pinched the bridge of his nose, before calmly looking me in the eye. "This doesn't work," he motioned at me and him with his palm. I remembered looking at the air between us in a state of confusion before, shamefully, stepping in to close the gap. Perhaps I was thinking, in some clichéd section of my mind, that Edward 'didn't want us to ever be apart.' Or perhaps it was my minds way of sealing a gap before it was too late – of taking an opportunity before it was stolen from me for good._

"_We don't work," he tried again. I had pinched my face up, trying to decipher a meaning to his words._

"_We don't work?"_

"_We don't work," he confirmed._

"_Y-you don't want us to be together?" There it was, the stupid stutter making another appearance. I was still waiting on Edward to wrap his arms around my waist and console me with meaningless words._

"_Don't blame yourself for this, Bella. None of this was ever your fault, none at all. It's just that I do not want you, Isabella Swan," he stated in his eerily calm voice before turning on his heel and striding away. I stood there, wrapping my arms around myself, for warmth, comfort or as a replacement for Edward, I was not sure. My heart _thump, thump_ed in my chest, whilst my hands shook._

_I did not cry. I did not break down. I did not whine, nor did I scream. I didn't storm home and demand my mother; I didn't run helplessly after him and beg to be taken back. I didn't cancel all life plans and settle down with a tub of ice-cream._

_I simply turned in the opposite direction and walked away._

_Because I had no other choice. Family ruiners weren't allowed to grieve._

_._

_I returned home and began to prepare dinner. It was as I was puzzling over how much soy-sauce to add, that it hit me. I had turned into an Alice; a mere clone of the real me. I appeared the same, I acted the same. Yet a piece of me was missing, and I wasn't sure if it was replaceable._

_I was dead inside – an empty mannequin. I had slowly turned into a shell, every passing day without the Cullen's returning, every segment of bad news, every time somebody walked out had slowly been eating away at me; rotting me from the inside out. Until I was nothing but a mere shell. _

_I turned off the stove and slid to the ground, crossing my arms and leaning back against the sunshine-yellow cabinets.__I would not fall apart. I simply would not allow it__. I refused to morph into what Alice was. Empty. Withdrawing myself away and shutting everybody out: my anger slowly bubbling up until I cracked. I refused._

* * *

The rain picked up momentum, beating down onto my window. I did fall apart. My promise was useless; broken almost as soon as it was made. I was pathetic. I allowed the pain and memories to control my life. I was broken.

A large clap of thunder shook my room, my window-sill rattled in its socket as my heart picked up, surprised by the sound. A brilliant clash of lightening warned me of another set of _booms_ that would surely occur, and I looked around my room, searching for something to bring me comfort. The rain reflected my sorrow; and how fitting, I thought.

My eyes grazed over Edward's discarded , stuffed amongst a handful of photos. The photos were of various shots of the Cullen's, each from different eras. I had once, months before, expressed a desire to have a print of the images, and had found multiple copies thrust in my direction almost immediately. I couldn't bear to look at them; they were all so happy, so hopeful. I would have given anything to not be the person that took that hope away. I would given anything to be the person that replaced it.

And . . . why shouldn't I be? Why _shouldn't _I be the person to return the Cullen's together? I was the child who started this whole mess in the first place, after all. I was the girl that stuffed everything up.

After all, I had a rough idea of where Emmett was, and Carlisle and Esme still resided in their home, in a vain hope for their returning children. Had the Cullen's been under my nose this whole time? The thought itself was so magnificent that it sparked something deep inside of me. Something that had been missing for a long, long time.

_Hope._

Yet surely, surely if the Cullen's had been close to home, they would have been found already. If it were really that simple, they would have returned home. Because surely if they were close to home, they wanted to be found. Hell, they could be on the other side of the planet right now for all I knew. They could be under staged names, or living completely new lifestyles. They could be dea-

And the dark truth that had haunted me for some time, the dark truth that I had refused to admit, hit me.

They weren't coming back.

And those four words, so simple in concept, caused my hope to burn up and die.

_**END PART ONE**_


	6. V

_Stephenie Meyer still owns all, and any character(s), settings or plot that is/are vaguely recognizable will surely be hers. Unless it is not. In which case it is mine. Or some other author that I've shamelessly, yet subconsciously, stolen off of._

* * *

**A World of One **

_**THREE MONTHS LATER**_

The phone continued to ring as I stared critically at my reflection in the mirror, a bobby-pin held between my teeth. My skin was deathly pale, almost grey in complexion; my eyes sunk deep in their sockets, heavy lines scored beneath them. My mouth was pulled down into an almost constant grimace. I had pulled my hair into a greasy ponytail, the hair hanging limply down the nape of my neck.

I hadn't ventured outside since last Tuesday, and that was only to grab the paper and hurl it into the bin. I had no interest in the outside world, no interest in current affairs. I was content living in my protective bubble.

My life, essentially, had failed to exist.

I no longer felt anger. And I _had_ been through that stage, believe me. I was angry at Jasper for leaving and forcing this onto all of us. I was angry at Alice for making me feel guilty, I was angry that she had given up when she was supposed to be the strong one. She was supposed to be the one that I was allowed to turn to. I was angry at Rosalie, for leaving nothing but a detached letter for her grieving parents and husband. I was angry at Emmett for forcing such pain onto Carlisle. I was angry at Emmett for his selfishness. I was furious at Edward for leaving, for giving up, for allowing me to wallow in my own self pity.

Mostly, of course, I was angry at myself. I was angry that I blamed the others, I was angry that I was so pathetic, I was angry at my weakness and my mistakes.

First came anger, then came denial. 'Oh sure, they'll pop up eventually. They'll come home. Don't worry, Bella; they'll forgive you in time'. Or perhaps 'you're making this all up. Maybe this is just some elongated dream; some nightmare your subconscious has created. You'll wake up and Edward'll be sitting beside you, smirking at your sleep-talking. Oh God, you've probably screamed out loud. Or maybe, in fact, this whole 'vampire' thing is just one massive dream. Perhaps you're still in Phoenix, and you've just fallen asleep in front of the television during a Gilmore Girls marathon.'

Bloody good vampires for my subconscious to create.

I had surpassed guilt, and was almost past self-blame. I was not quite at acceptance. I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted to reach acceptance. That would surely mean giving up on any idea of the Cullen's ever returning.

I was well past sorrow. I had forced the past to be forgotten; I almost entirely refused to bring _them_up. Was it only a month ago that I was crying myself to sleep? It was a little routine I had going; cry for an hour and then collapse onto a tear-soaked pillow, where a restless, yet thankfully dreamless, sleep welcomed me.

I'd run out of feeling now. I simply did not care. I was too exhausted to have the strength anymore – there was no energy for anger, no energy to care about denial, certainly no energy for guilt. I was not in a state of acceptance, more a state of oblivion.

I'll be the first to admit that I needed a life.

But I'd had that chance. And managed to destroy it.

.

It was as I was peering with frustration at my reflection that the phone rang. The first time round, I'd allowed it to ring its self out. But, almost immediately, the caller attempted again. Wearily, I'd picked up the phone. It had weighed down my hand; this simple movement becoming a labouring task. I was cautious answering the phone now. It almost always seemed to bring bad news.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" asked Charlie.

"Er, yes. This is your daughter."

"Good, good. Look, I've been kept back at the station: just some paper work I need to chase up. I won't be home for dinner; I'll get something on the way for myself. We have nothing in the pantry, so how about you go out and get yourself something nice?" Charlie sounded vaguely nervous, expelling the mammoth sentence with a single breath. Charlie was, of course, simply trying to get me out of the house. We both knew last night's leftovers were sitting on the fourth shelf of the fridge, directly across from the sausages, which were sitting on top of the three-quarter full vegetable tub. Food was no issue in this household.

"Okay," I'd answered regardless. I was too worn out to argue.

.

The natural light of outside made me blink, and I held a hand up to shield my face from the sun. A vitamin D deficiency was something that worried me; possibly I could convince Renee to move to Australia with me.

I cautiously ventured further out, feeling like a useless new-born. My feet slid and slipped on the permanently damp earth. I breathed in deeply, filling my lungs with wholesome, fresh air. It was almost . . . painful. My senses were overwhelmed: the whispers of the forest deafened me in their silence, the over-cast green blinded me. The scent of rain and wet earth stung my nose, and the fresh air pressed down upon me, suffocating. I could always turn back. I could always return to the safety of my house.

_Weak._

I sighed and began to make my way to the orange cab. I opened the stiff door with some difficulty and breathed in the stale air and leather seats like an addict. I felt enclosed, I felt safe.

The engine trustily boomed into life with a flick of my keys. I was half expecting, half hoping it to be broken. Was it still legal for me to drive? It had been so long that I doubted my memory.

And, pulling out of Charlie's driveway, I opened my eyes fully for the first time in months, catching sight of a flash of white out of the corner of my vision.

.

The journey was a blur. Everything was a blur. I turned the wheel, flicked the wind-screen wipers, kept a three second gap and signalled like a robot the whole way. I remembered vaguely deciding to head to Port Angeles, all the while passing several suitable supermarkets.

I felt nauseous.

I pulled over, my brain protesting after weeks of nothing. I needed a break. I heaved my way out of the car and glanced around at my surroundings. I was in a vacant street. Perhaps I'd find an interesting shop, or else a place to sit down. A vague promise of an outside seat convinced me to continue walking.

I wandered down to the end of street and took a left turn into a narrow, dark lane. The shadows made me uneasy, and terrible memories of a possible mugging and a heavily implied sexual encounter swelled in my mind. Edward wouldn't be able to save me this time, regardless if he even wanted to. I was truly alone.

I turned again, my steps echoing off the cobblestones. The next alley was bare all bar two graffiti smothered garbage bins tossed out the back of restaurants. Crust ingrained bricks marked the walls on either side, and a stray rat ran out in front of me. I began to panic, fear bubbling its way to the surface. How many lefts had I turned? How many lanes had I wandered down? My pace picked up and I spun around, attempting to find my way back to the car. I wandered down another one, two, three lanes. Nothing looked familiar.

I passed another street before stopping dead at the opening of a dark alley.

My heart screamed, my stomach rolled, my breathing hitched.

A mop of blonde hair was distinguishable in the darkness, belonging to a man with his back to me.

Jasper.

* * *

Author's Note: _and then Bella did this and then Bella did that and then Becky foreshadowed in a terrible way and then Bella fell over and then Bella did this and then Becky told and did not show._


	7. VI

_The characters of Twilight and the basic plotline of New Moon, in which I am shamelessly stealing, belong entirely to Stephenie Meyer._

* * *

**A World of One **

My eyes involuntarily widened, all the blood seemed to leave my face. I waited patiently for the mirage to disappear.

It didn't.

I glanced down at myself, staring with a resolved determination. I waited for my body to grow an extra limb, or else sprout wings. However, the longer I looked, the more determined I grew, the more solid I appeared. I pinched myself hard, waiting to awake. The pressure from the pinch hurt and also, who actually thought: 'Hay, this must be a dream,' in literal dreams? Who actually ever remembered to pinch themselves? And why, pray, was I thinking of such trivial nonsense when _Jasper Whitlock _was standing in front of me?

I had found Jasper.

I had found _Jasper._

_I had found Jasper._

Ten steps and I would reach him. Ten steps and I could touch him, examine him. Ten steps and I could replace my hope. Ten simple, glorious steps.

Jasper had his back to me, his face turned away. His startling white arms, towering figure and golden hair was all that I needed to confirm his identity. The way he held himself, absolutely still, was another added bonus to my assumptions. The fact that we weren't alone in the alley managed to evade my notice for a good few seconds longer.

There was something, a figure, curled up in itself on the cool ground, feigning the foetal position. It was whimpering, pleading. I took a cautious shuffle forward, my steps echoing off the flat stone.

There were more people. I noticed them now.

They were all talking together, heads bent towards each other in a synchronised fashion. They had situated themselves around the whimpering mess on the ground, and I took another step towards them. Their voices mingled and weaved together, soft and fast, velvet and satin, soprano and alto. They were, I decided, all vampires.

Their voices were too quick for me, only snippets of their conversation filtering through. They were arguing, or so the tone of their voice indicated.

"Become suspicious . . ."

". . . can't leave him now . . ."

". . . he'll tell people . . ."

". . . you have no control."

They were arguing over the whimpering figure, I presumed; the horror of their hushed words not yet dawning on me, unable to break through the inexplicable joy that I felt. _Jasper._ I had found Jasper.

The familiar Cullen had not yet said a word; he was on one side of the quivering wreck, his head bent down toward it. The other vampires faced Jasper and I.

.

Another step and I'd reached eight. Eight steps until Jasper. Eight steps until hope. Another shuffle, another tap to the left and I had successfully arrived at seven. I was now in a good-enough position to examine the figure on the ground.  
It was a man, I decided. His prematurely greying mat of hair flopped over his face, the skin of his arms and legs pale and clammy. His clothes were torn and coated with a thin dusting of dirt. His breathing was fast: too fast to be healthy. And slowly, _gradually,_like a heavy _thud_to the stomach, realisation dawned. A rush of emotion, of horror, anger and disgust, erupted through me, filling my organs like a thick, glutinous petrol. They were arguing over the man. They were arguing over a life.

". . . well, Jasper got the last one . . ." a female vampire stated, eyes flicking with a sense of envy.

My face drained, my heart ceased to be. I did not want to hear anymore, I didn't want to discover the meaning behind her words. I wanted to erase them, to be able to un-hear them, if you will.

My feet turned to leave before my brain kicked in, stopping them. What was I _doing?_

All these months that I had thought my life was the epitome of broken. All of the worry, all of the sleepless nights. All of the tears. All of the blank, lifeless stares.  
Was I truly going to walk away from my one hope?

Yet, a sensible portion of my brain reasoned, what if everybody attacked me? What if they lost interest in the sobbing man on the ground, and instead directed their wrath toward me? What if _Jasper_turned on me? What if I was mistaken and it wasn't even Jasper standing there?

All of these thoughts ran through my head as I leapt towards him.

Those simple, glorious seven steps that would complete the simple, glorious ten. Those simple, glorious steps that would change my life.

.

Two male vampires separated from the odd pack to look at me, heads cocked to the side. Their gaze held nothing but curiosity and wonderment.  
It was at this point that my nerve withered and died. I was going to die. What did I expect, barging in on this? This . . . _ritual_of sorts, this murder of a sobbing man. I had willingly stepped towards a group of hungry predators, willingly stepped towards the one man who had already attempted to take my life earlier this year.

I was positioned behind Jasper and didn't really know where to go from there.

_Please turn around._

He didn't turn, and our audience's smirks played quick on their faces. _Please turn. Turn around._

And the man on the ground rolled to face me, his parka soaked, his shorts covered with mud stains. His eyes pleaded with me: _run._

My hand reached for Jasper's. And where our skin touched, a melody of cold shivers ran up my arm.

And my hope was replaced.


	8. VII

_If I owned Twilight, a certain Leah and Jacob would be in love and a most undesirable demon-spawn would not be in existence. Alas, they aren't and she is._

* * *

**A World of One **

My hand firmly grasped his; it would have been rather awkward taken out of context. His back stiffened, his palm flexing away from mine.

Slowly, Jasper turned to face me.

His dark eyes showed nothing but cold, hard hatred. His features all seemingly angular, sharp and angry. Fury was carved like a blunt weapon onto his marble face. His eyes found mine, growing wide, focusing. A mixture of horror, of fear and anger, of deep sadness, settled itself into his pupils, reflecting like mirrors back into mine.

"Jasper?" I whispered. I would not cry. Not here, not right now.

"Bella," he whispered back. And I didn't think I could do it anymore. I did not think it was physically possible for me anymore. But I smiled.

And he smiled sadly back.

And I knew that this was reality, that this was not some beautiful dream.

.

He glanced down at our fingers, still interlaced. I quickly dropped my hand, blushing, before looking over his face, absorbing his appearance. This glowing feeling of _life _was surreal to me, and I had to repeatedly remind myself that this was reality. That I was allowed to be happy.

A messy, brunette-haired vampire took a step towards us. "Jasper?" he asked, clearly unsure of what was happening.

Jasper spun around to face the pack, _his _pack. He murmured half-rushed words to them, his voice low and dangerous. I watched on in awe as the vampire's faces turned from confusion, to rage, back to confusion, before finally landing on indifference. Their faces quietly composed. A mask unable to be read.  
"Let him go," Jasper said firmly. My attention was diverted to the man on the ground, still shaking, breathing still hitched. A fair-haired vampire sneered at Jasper; his neighbour rolled her eyes, the others still feigning a serene sense of calm.

A suffocating, uncomfortable silence bloomed into place. Silently, I hoped that the human on the ground would survive, would be okay.

"Goodbye," Jasper finally said, allowing the word to hang in the air. When nobody spoke, Jasper began to stride towards the entrance of the lane, with me in tow. Our backs facing the horrors of before. And together, an unlikely pair, we walked towards a new life. A better life.

The feeling of pure happiness, of pure bliss, was terrible in its beauty. I was almost weighed down with the positive feelings erupting inside of me. I felt as though I should savour the moment, save it up. For surely there was a catch, surely this simple _luck _of stumbling upon Jasper on the one day that Charlie demands I leave the house could not last. Surely this happiness was merely lulling me into a false sense of security. Surely something terrible was to come – it did not seem possible that, after this raging war of horror and guilt and grief, everything would simply mend.

Jasper, walking a few steps ahead of me, seemed to drag himself along as well. His posture was almost slumped, his arms hanging by his side.

Jasper had returned, but there was no telling if Rosalie, Alice, Emmett and Edward would do the same.

.

"You got a place to stay?" Jasper asked.

The answer, of course, should have been _home. _Yet I did not find myself giving that reply. Home was with Charlie – that terrible place full of memories and pain and tears. The realisation that I no longer felt safe returning there frightened me. Home was no longer with Charlie. I had ruined that life.

The blonde Cullen continued to stare at me, studying my face. I felt uncomfortable, and wondered if he was sampling my feelings.

"Did Alice find you?" I asked, changing the topic.

"Perfect," he said. I looked up at him in surprise, and followed his gaze to an old, quaint hotel. The front door was polished and heavy, the handle a rusted gold. Inside a royal purple rug ran all the way to the reception desk, where a man in a Hawaiian shirt sat. Several porcelain vases were situated around the room and an exaggerated, plastic chandelier played centre-stage. The whole room emitted the aura of forced classiness. It appeared horrendously out-of-the-times and heart breakingly expensive.

"I don't have enough money with me," I commented blankly, eyeing the faux deer head.

"I'm a Cullen," he reminded me, pulling out his wallet. I raised an eye-brow.

"You're just like Edw-" I broke off, unable to complete the sentence. A sharp pang grabbed at my chest. Jasper didn't comment. We'd reached a mutual understanding.

.

I flicked through the colourful brochures, each one advertising exotic flights to sun-drenched beaches or else jungle hikes. I was sitting in room fourteen, occupying the velvet lounge, my feet brushing the beige, tatty carpet. The furnishings were all created from various shadings of wood and the tap in the bathroom dripped, where the linoleum flaked from the floor. The cleaner-cum-owner had opened the room with a flourish of her hands, a sense of pride showing through her smile. She introduced herself as Dorothy, and told us to call her Dot. Things grew progressively more awkward when she hinted that we'd enjoy our 'night together.' When Jasper didn't correct her, I resulted to flicking through the channels on the small, dented television.  
Perfect clarity was received on some odd channel showing re-runs of _Funniest_ _Home Videos_, the only other available channel being a Japanese program advertising scuba sets.

When Dorothy left I found myself looking across the room to where Jasper stood. His arms were crossed tightly against his body and he leaned awkwardly into the door frame. And I found myself not daring to ask if Alice had found him, or what he'd been up to during the past few months.

I looked closely at his face, examining the down-turned mouth.

My eyes grew wide in horror as my sight travelled upwards.

His eyes weren't black.

They were a very deep red.

And behind us, on the glaring television, the audience erupted into a bout of menacing, cruel laughter.


	9. VIII

_The most enjoyable part of writing fan-fiction is the disclaimers. I most certainly do not own Twilight and, if my life goes as expected, I most certainly never will. Stephenie Meyer owns all._

* * *

**A World of One **

Jasper gave me an odd look, questioning me with his horrifying gaze. A moment of understanding seemed to pass between us, hanging in the air. We continued our little staring match, neither seeming to know what to do. I refused to look away; I did not want to be in the weak position. I looked transfixed at his eyes, repulsed, yet oddly tranced.

After a beat, Jasper dropped his gaze. Slowly he held his hands out, palms facing the ceiling in a universal gesture of innocence. Hesitantly, excruciatingly, he took a step towards me.

"I am not going to hurt you," he whispered in a cautious voice.

I had no reply to that. I was frozen; with shock, or fear, I did not know. Instinctively, I did not feel terribly safe locked up in a room with a vampire, a vampire who had previously attempted to kill me, no doubt. To top this all off, a small voice constantly reminded me, not a soul knew where I was.

_Redrum, redrum,  
The kids all sang,  
Redrum, redrum,  
Bang, bang, bang…_

Jasper took a final step forward before sitting cross-legged on the carpet. "Her name was Clara," he said simply, shrugging slightly. "She was thirteen, allergic to red flavouring and had a phobia of glass. She lived with her alcoholic mother, though I never actually met the woman. Clara was obsessive compulsive with tapping the outside of door-handles twice before entering a room. She couldn't tie balloons, always had to sleep with three pillows, sang out of tune and had a nervous stutter. She had a habit of flicking her legs when sitting down, and couldn't sleep without a night-light.  
"Clara didn't have a middle name; she wore bright colours, cut her hair herself and could recite the alphabet backwards. She adored the rain and always wrote in green pen. Clara liked coating her arms in fake tattoos and she detested people with long nails. She was alone in the world. I was her best friend.  
"And I killed her. I fucking _killed _her." Jasper's eyes flashed dangerously, his calm exterior melting away. My heart broke for him; this internal struggle, this struggle that he'd been fighting for decades, suddenly rearing its hideous head back in his world.

"I'm sure it was an accident." As soon as the words were out, I wished they were returning back in. Again, Jasper gave me an odd look and our staring match commenced. This time, I was the first to advert my gaze.

"I was the only one she trusted," he leant back in frustration, spine hitting the ground with a resounding _thud. _"Why can't I just control myself? Why is this so difficult? Ask me how many humans I've killed, Bella. Ask me how many lives I've stolen."

I didn't want to. I did not want to find out how many people Jasper had killed. I wanted to block my ears and scream and scream and scream. And then, once I grew tired of screaming, I'd roll over and fall asleep and I'd sleep and sleep and I'd sleep. And not once would Jasper be able to tell me how many lives he'd taken, and not once would Jasper find an opportunity to put that weight on my shoulders. Because once I woke up, I'd run. I'd run away and I'd run and I'd run. And, once I grew tired of running, I'd collapse on the ground and cry. I'd cry for my past life and I'd cry for the Cullen's and I'd cry for Jasper and I'd cry for every single person that Jasper had ever murdered. And I'd cry for my future and I'd cry for the entire world, so nobody else ever had to cry or feel sad. And I'd cry so much that they'd find me soaked, face-down in a puddle of my own salty tears. And once my tears run dry, I'd fade and I'd fade and I'd fade. Until one day I'd be nothing and nobody would ever be able to find me. And nobody would ever remember me, except maybe Charlie. And I'd be just another life that Jasper had inadvertently taken, just another number. I would not ask.

The question tore itself from my lips: "How many people have you k-killed?"

"Three thousand, two hundred and seventy-eight people."

Silence.

"I've been a vampire for one hundred and forty-five years. And I've felt every single emotion, every feeling of fear and grief and anger, every feeling of shock and disbelief and relief. Three thousand, two hundred and seventy-eight emotions. Three thousand, two hundred and seventy-eight people who have lived and breathed and laughed and fought and screamed and felt. Who have families and fears and wants and hates and allergies and jobs and talents. And now they're all gone, and I'm sitting in a bleach-scented hotel with a broken family and a terrified human."

Again, I was speechless. This vampire who had only exchanged muted greetings with me before The Birthday was sharing with me his darkest secret. His most frightening reality.

"I was the only one that Clara trusted. A-and then I _killed _her. I _killed _her." It did not seem to matter to Jasper that I had not yet contributed to the conversation. He was lost in his own, twisted memory.

I entwined my hands in my lap, scrunching my shirt up, before releasing. Slowly, the words began to tumble from my mouth. "Don't take the blame for the past few months, though, Jasper. I'm not really . . . sure as to what you want me to say to the amount of people you've . . . killed.  
"It's just, it's not my place to comment, or judge, o-or anything like that. You're a vampire, right? It's in your nature to hunt. It's a cruel life you've been condemned to, and I'm not saying I relate to you, or anything. It's just, I'm ignorant, you know? And I'm so sorry that you had to live through all that rubbish, and I'm so, so sorry that you have to deal with all that. Really, I am. It's just; I don't really know how to reply to somebody when they tell you how many people they've eaten. But it's not . . . it's not your fault.  
"It's just in your nature to eat human beings! You're our predators, we're your prey. And I'm not saying that's not terribly unfortunate, it's just . . . it's just that you shouldn't let those three thousand, two hundred and seventy-eight souls run your life. Because, it's just-."

"Thank you, Bella," Jasper smiled slightly.

"No! Enough with the condescending grins. I'm the one who barged in on your family, questioned your way of life! I was the one who pretended she fit in; I was the one who broke everything. Everything was _perfect _before I ruined _everything. _I broke you. I broke your family. I wrecked everything with my stupid, _clumsy _self. Everything was completely perfect for the first time in my life. I had love, I had family, I had friends. I had _love. _And I broke it all. Because of one single, stupid effing paper cut." The condemned truth had flown from my mouth, burning me, laying itself down thick. I hated the pathetic whine in my voice; I hated how young I sounded.

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. I live with that guilt; I live with a whole lot of guilt. Don't ruin yourself obsessing over a paper cut. It was an accident, it happens to everybody."

I pulled a loose thread dragging down from my shirt. We sat in silence as the television flickered behind us.

_Redrum, redrum,  
The kids all sang,  
Redrum, redrum,  
Bang, bang, bang…_

.

"Alice left to go find you," I said, not entirely sure if I should be approaching this topic. Not entirely sure if I wanted a reply.

"Yes," Jasper agreed. His voice was guarded and I dropped it.

"Everybody's gone you know." My tone was surprisingly matter-of-fact.

"Carlisle and Esme?"

"Not as far as I'm aware. There was a time when I would go over to their, your, house. Carlisle was spending as much time as _humanely _possible at the hospital, avoiding his home, avoiding Esme. Esme, on the other hand, refused to leave the house. She spent the majority of her time in her bedroom, so I didn't see her around often." My tone was almost accusing. The evident fact that I did slightly blame Jasper for this broken situation. I blamed him for leaving. I blamed everybody in that respect. For giving up.

For giving up on family.

.

Finally I flicked the switch on the remote; the television giving a final splutter before the clip of a squirrel riding a miniature surf-board winked out of existence. The echoes of the laugh track melted away around us.

"Bella?" Jasper looked to me, an unidentifiable expression on his face. "What's the date?"

"The twenty-ninth? Why, what's wro-." His features had darkened and I became uneasy. His eyes were loathing, examining me like a condemned prisoner. I felt uncomfortable with him staring at me, those hateful, dangerous eyes boring into mine.  
And, just like that, his expression cleared, an awkward smile returning to his face.

"I know where Rosalie is," he said, a false sense of cheer laced between his words.

I felt myself rise from the seat, an urgent excitement gripping me. "But that's fantastic!" I gasped. All of these past few months living in a border-line robot style, all of these past few months living with no hope, no sense of achievement. And here I was on the verge of finding a second Cullen. "That's fantastic," I repeated once more.

"Oh, yes, it's perfectly brilliant," Jasper agreed.

"Where is she?"

"She's getting married," Jasper informed me bluntly.

"But Emmett's back at home, he's living in a . . . forest?"

"Oh, no, Bella. Rosalie's not marrying Emmett."

Jasper's smile was eerie, almost disturbing.

* * *

Author's Note: _far too much dialogue from the two typically mute characters. Also, as a side note, I'm Australian, and so don't use American spelling. Chrome keeps trying to correct me._


	10. IX

_The Twilight franchise belongs to Meyer._

* * *

**A World of One **

The starch sheets resembled that of a hospital's, as did the generic rock-like pillow. My body refused to get comfortable, my mind refused to shut down. I tossed around, the blanket pattern printing itself on my skin as my limbs sought a more desirable position. I had once read of a boy who had invented a mattress which had a peculiar slot to rest your arm, so as it would be out of the way if one wished to lie on one's side. The image had stuck in my mind, and I wished for such a mattress right now.

I should have slept with ease; a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  
Yet it was not the rock hard pillow, or the scratchy sheets that kept me conscious, nor was it the inexplicable excitement or joy that I felt. It was, in fact, the two voices that were coming from the lounge room.

". . . what do you think you're doing?" one of them argued.

"Quiet, you'll wake her!" the other whispered fiercely.

Their hushed conversation turned to a blurred mush, reduced to a mere hum. Quietly I got out of the bed, my feet padding across the floor-boards, my hands held out in front of my face in an effort to find the doorframe. This was the stuff of nightmares: I was surrounded with darkness, unable to distinguish features. I was cooped up in an unknown hotel with a single vampire who was carrying out a conversation with an unknown person. My foot caught on my shoes and, despite my best efforts to remain silent, I let out an _ouf _of pain.

". . . Bella?" came Jasper's voice, a light switch flicked on in the next room over. I stuck my head out from the doorframe, my hair in messy disarray.

"I heard somebody."

"Bella, it's two in the morning. Go to sleep."

Jasper was examining an upside-down television guide with frightening intensity. There was no sign of our mystery visitor, nor any indication of their existence. Sheepishly I turned around, shuffling back off to the miserable bed.

"Goodnight, Jasper."

"Night, Bella."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a white flash.

.

_Alley. Jasper. Clara. Rosalie. Wedding. Food._

I yawned, a watery sun was visible through my window and I admired it for a moment. My stomach protested, and I rolled out of bed before making my way to the lounge room. Jasper was in the same position as I had left him last night.

"The earth says hello," Jasper said by way of greeting. He was lazily trailing his finger over the child's maze on the back of the cereal box. I gently poured a glass of water before spotting the newspaper article; it appeared to have been torn out, its edges were ragged and severe fold lines scored the print.

**Wedding Announcements**_**  
**__Joshua Hernandez, son of Peter Hernandez (dec'd) and  
Michelle-Jane Hernandez, announced his wedding  
to Miss Rosalie Hale, daughter of Robert Hale (dec'd.)  
and Sarah Hale (dec'd.)  
Ceremony to take place at Lacey Park, December 30__th, __  
1 pm. By invitation only.  
Congratulations!_

"That's today," my voice was blank.

"Yes," he agreed.

I dropped the clipping and started to prepare breakfast, going through the rituals. And wasn't it odd, I thought, to include the set time and destination, whilst also clearly indicating that you needed an invite to attend. I wasn't sure if it was a deliberate ploy by Rosalie, a desperate plea calling out to her true family members.

.

Our feet crunched on the gravel in unison. We had finished consoling Dot about the reception and were heading towards my car. As we neared the vibrant cab Jasper halted, holding his palms up.

"There is no way," he assured me, exaggeratingly turning on the spot.

He peered at my truck and it made me uncomfortable. I began to notice the chipped paint, the mud incrusted wheels, the dented doors, the scratched windows. I had always felt a certain pride for my vehicle, a sense of relating to the awkward build. With Jasper's clear distaste for the cab my pride melted away.

"D-does it even run?" he asked with mock concern. I rolled my eyes.

"Feel free to walk, old man."

"Which, in my case and possibly even yours, would be far more quicker and efficient." I looked at him. He looked at me. "I'm driving," Jasper added.

I heaved myself into the passenger seat and he laughed when I tightened the seatbelt. My fingers clutched the seat in a death grip, and I silently wondered if Jasper would turn out to be as unstable a driver as Edward.  
Jasper smiled again and turned the engine; it was odd, I thought. There was certainly a whole lot of awkward stiffness about us, yet we were closer, indeed closer than we'd ever been, to each other. I didn't feel entirely comfortable around Jasper, yet the more time I spent around him the more I had to re-evaluate my initial assumptions. He was not the brooding vampire that I had first assumed he was. He was surprisingly cheerful, and I reminded myself that he was an empath.

"You're so happy," I commented.

"Yes," he agreed. "So are you."

And I could almost feel the joy radiating off me, myself.

* * *

Author's note: _bed dreamt up by Oskar Schell,_ - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close; Jonathon Safran Foer.


	11. X

_As far as I'm aware, I am not in the ownership of Twilight._

* * *

**A World of One **

I tapped subconsciously on the dashboard, leaving prints in the dust. I had already attempted to turn on the radio, but had gently yet firmly been denied by Jasper.

"All they have on radio these days is hip-hop shit that's brainwashing the nation's youth."

"What's your idea of music then? Country?" I snorted.

Jasper side-long glanced at me: "I hate music."

My neck snapped to look at him, my eyes resembling saucers. "How can you hate music?"

"Oh, I like the _concept _of music of course; it's just that the loud obnoxious banging, auto-tuned voices and grammatically atrocious lyrics that are produced these days have totally changed my perspective."

My vision was unwavering.

"No radio," Jasper repeated stubbornly.

I smiled and attempted to continue the conversation. "I like classical," I supplied.

"Classical?" Jasper snorted. "I presume this is all because of Edward and his ridiculous piano." As soon as he concluded the sentence, all joking left his face. I adverted my gaze to the window, watching the heavy clouds march across the sky with a severe purpose. "I'm sorry," Jasper added. "I shouldn't have brought him up."

"It's o- _tree!_' I shrieked, my fingers returning to their death-like grip on the seat. Jasper slammed on the brakes, the wheel spinning beneath his grasp. A mush of white blurred against the windows, obscuring our vision. The truck skidded across the road, horn blaring, before coming to an abrupt and non-too-gentle stop before the tree. Together we sat, eyes wide, staring up at the trunk, both refusing to move.

"Lucky your truck refuses to go over sixty," Jasper finally approved.

My heart hammered against my chest as I waited for feeling to return to my legs. I could hear the beat in my ears, the horn echoing around my brain. "I could have died."

"Yes, well. Nothing I couldn't manage."

"Y-you would have escaped merrily with your life. You're a rock. I'd be crushed in a bright orange Chevy. I almost died. You almost made me die." I was in a state of disbelief when I saw Jasper shoulder the door open, walking around to examine the damage.

.

As it were, the damage was almost entirely nonexistent. The front light was smashed and the side mirror was dented, as well as several shavings of colour missing from the bonnet. I patted the window with pride, beaming down at it. "They certainly don't make them like the used to," I observed.

'The venue's the next block over," Jasper said, already walking away.

"Hey!" I called, jogging after him, only occasionally glancing back at the carelessly left car. I dusted down my pants. "I'm not really dressed for a wedding."

"There won't be a wedding," he corrected.

As we neared the park: a giant oval of lush greenery, a large tent loomed up ahead of us. Several silver streamers were strung and woven amongst the trees and hordes of people were laughing and chatting together. It made me feel incredibly lonely, standing up on the rise with Jasper.

"She's unbelievable," Jasper said. I followed his gaze towards a semi-large man in an impressive black suit decked out in gold chains. My disbelief grew. He was a bodyguard.

"You can just use your . . . emotion manipulation power, right?" I asked. He looked uncertain.

Instead we ended up approaching the opposite side of the tent, which Jasper proceeded to unpeg. We both crawled under and found ourselves in a room full of rows and rows of wooden seating. There was no floor, only grass, and several bouquets dominated the head of the tent. I led us to a bench near the back, where we took a seat and waited, watching the seats fill up around us.

I had had a life time of waiting.

.

The canvas flap of the tent opened, emitting four giggling flower girls. Clutched in their hands were bundles of white roses, which they proceeded to drop all over the aisle. The backs of their dresses trailed along the ground and the smallest girl, who appeared no older than five, stumbled for a moment. They waved out to various audience members, and I briefly wondered why Rosalie had choosen them for her wedding.  
At that moment the traditional wedding march erupted from the front of the tent, and a hush of excitement fell across the audience. A lady up the front even stood up in her seat, craning her neck to catch a glimpse of the blushing bride. I glanced at Jasper's hands, the knuckles white as he methodically tore the corner of his shirt into shreds. He appeared to be counting under his breath, and his clear nervousness made me, in turn, feel anxious. My heart battled against my ribcage, my breaths coming in shallow bursts.

The lady at the front was pointing now, a smile stretched across her face. The canvas flap allowed a final person to enter – the bride. The music was gathering momentum and I looked straight ahead, seeking great interest in the chair in front of me. I did not want to see Rosalie. I did not want to be here. I did not want this horrible situation to be confirmed.

"We should go," Jasper murmured from beside me. I looked at him quickly, following his gaze to where it lay transfixed on his sister's face.

Rosalie was, of course, beautiful. She was perfect, painfully glorious. She did, of course, make me feel incomparably plain.

Her golden hair was woven intricately into a white head piece, several beads tied into the mesh. Her silken dress flowed to the ground, hugging her perfect figure before falling away from the waist. Ornamental flowers were sewn delicately around the bodice. A small, insecure smile played upon her lips; her eyes, however, shone with anger, with revenge and sorrow.

She was a vision.

"We should go," Jasper repeated. "This is her only chance at a normal life; we can't be the ones to take that away."

"What about Emmett?" I asked. "What happens when Hernandez starts to age, what happens when he wakes up one day and notices that the woman he married twenty years ago hasn't aged a day? W-what happens when she doe-doesn't eat, or . . ."

Rosalie had glided straight past us, and was now up near the alter, her attention captured by the celebrant.

"We should go," Jasper said again with more force.

"This is ridiculous, Jasper! She's unhappy and, and angry, and-," our arguments were taking place with a hushed determination whilst the vows were being recited.

"And do you, Joshua Hernandez, take thee, Rosalie Hale, through sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as sorrow, to love and to hold, for as long as you both do live, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," the blank human stated.

"And do you, Rosalie Hale, take thee, Joshua Hernandez, through sickness and in health . . ."

"Jasper," I said, "don't let this happen. Please."

". . . to love and to hold, for as long as you both do live, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

There was a pause as Rosalie, with a steel-like expression, searched the crowd, as though looking for someone. I held my breath as Jasper's back stiffened next to me. I closed my eyes as she turned back towards the celebrant. This would, in any other situation, be completely ridiculous and melodramatic. In any other situation Emmett would burst through the canvas, ignoring the many proclamations, and announce that; 'terribly sorry but Rosalie's actually married to me – for several decades, in fact. Deep apologies for the inconvenience, we'll just be off now.' And everything would be perfectly fine and Emmett wouldn't be contemplating death, and Rosalie wouldn't be marrying an unknown human being.

"I do," she stated with clear authority.

Jasper was twisting his hands in his lap, his eyes partially closed, his jaw set. My heart continued to _bump, bump _at an uncertain pace, my face drained of blood. When I was little, to keep myself from crying, I would repeat the lyrics to Humpty Dumpty over and over in my mind. It would remind me of home, of a comfortable bed with Renee singing to me with her uncertain voice. I'm not entirely sure if it actually worked, but it did calm me down a little. _Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall._

"Does anybody object to this marriage?" the officiant asked.

"Jasper, please," the urgency in my voice caused him to look up at me.

"No, Bella." He was gripping the wooden seating, splintering the fragile timber. I looked at the shards and was reminded of that fateful period in Biology. _Humpty Dumpty had a great fall._

"Then, with the power vested in me, I now pronounce you . . ."

"I object." My voice was surprisingly strong. I was now standing, my eyes glued to Rosalie's. Her face was, for the moment, expressionless and she continued to stare at me. The heads in front of me turned to look also, once they realised that the ceremony was halted. _All the King's horses and all the King's men._

Jasper appeared conflicted, pain written across his face. "I object, too," he joined me.

Our voices, in unison, reflected off the tent. A hushed silence fell upon the crowd. Rosalie looked at the both of us.

"You," she snarled.

_Couldn't put Humpty together again._


	12. XI

_I had to add the alternative spelling of Stephenie to my Word dictionary purely for these disclaimers._

* * *

**A World of One **

The word tore from Rosalie's throat; it was menacing, full of loathing. Her tone was injected with so much venom that her fiancée took a step back. Her wrath was primarily directed at me and I also felt myself shrinking away.

"Rosalie," Jasper said from beside me. She turned to him and the two studied each other, taking in every detail: - the scowl on her face, the worry on his. The hurt in her eyes, the disappointment in his. Her eyebrows pulled down in a frown, his pulled down from nerves. Never had the two resembled each other as much as they did at that moment.

"Rosalie," he said again, and her expression softened.

I was, to be completely honest, unsure of what I should do with myself. Sitting would draw attention to my position, as would to remain standing. I felt uncomfortable and awkward, almost as though I was intruding. Which I was. I had essentially gate-crashed a wedding, but this was irrelevant.

"Rosalie, please," I pleaded, my voice straining. None of us had managed to take into account our audience; the room full of people that separated us. Rosalie in the spotlight, Jasper and I huddled in the shadows. "Rosalie, your family needs you."

"What family?" she spat.

"You've got me," Jasper whispered. "You've got Bella."

Rosalie did not appear to find me of suitable family material, and her face wrinkled. "What about Emmett?" she asked.

I blinked. I did not want to be in this situation: everything was awful and horrific and broken. Everything and everyone was miserable and I hated it.

"Emmett?" Jasper asked. "That man you walked away from?"

"Oh, you filthy little hypocrite. What about Alice?"

"Who's Emmett? Who're these people?" Rosalie's fiancée, who had been silent before now, piped up.

I did not want to be in this situation. Everything was fucking horrific, everything was broken and everybody was miserable. And I hated it.

Rosalie distractedly nodded at us, refusing to remove her eyes from Jasper. "My brother and Bella."

"Your brother? You said your family was dead."

"Dead?" Jasper confronted, voice angry.

"I didn't say they were _dead. _I said they were gone," Rosalie tried to amend.

"You said they were dead."

"Gone? You left _us,_" Jasper said with disbelief.

"So did you," she sneered back.

"I was doing what was best for the family," Jasper said.

I found myself looking out around the crowd, who had resulted to swivelling their heads back and forth from Rosalie to Jasper, or else to glance at their neighbour with a frantic expression. It was, I noted, reminiscent of a poorly crafted soap-opera. They whispered amongst themselves, and I envied their position. Tonight they would return to their families, fresh with gossip featuring the confrontation at the wedding. They'd come home to meals and beds and jobs and friends. They'd have meaning. They'd have structure.

"What was best for the family," Rosalie scoffed. "What was _best. _Have you honestly any idea, Jasper? Have you literally any idea, in that gloriously ignorant brain of yours, what you _did _to our family? Can you literally comprehend the utter pile of _shit _that resulted once you'd left? Have you any idea of what you did to your wife? To Alice? Do you realise how crushed Esme was, how broken Carlisle felt? Because allow me to assure you, Whitlock, it wasn't for the 'best' of the family; it was simply you being a big, fat coward.  
"I get that you're frightened, or ashamed. Really, I do. And running away, really, I get it. I do. Look at me, dressed in white. I'm in no position to judge you. But don't you dare assume, Jasper, that what you did was for the greater good. Don't you dare assume that what you did was for the 'best', or that what you did was okay. Because it wasn't, Jasper. And now look where we are."

After Rosalie concluded, a horrible silence fell. I found myself wishing, for the umpteenth time, that I was somewhere else. That I was not in this situation, that I did not have to witness this.

"S-she doesn't mean that," I mumbled.

"How the hell would you know what I mean?" Rosalie glowered.

"Stop," Jasper said, voice weak.

Rosalie leant slightly forward, mouth forming a perfect _o _as a look of disgust flittered across her face. "Jasper, what happened to your eyes?"

This was awful. This was not happening, it simply was not happening.

"W-well . . ."

"Who's Emmett?" the fiancée repeated.

"Your eyes," Rosalie said again, her voice surprisingly gentle.

"Who's Emmett, Rose?"

She turned towards her fiancée, an impatient frown on her face. "He's my husband."

"Wh-what . . .?"

"I can't continue this ceremony," the celebrant decided.

"We should go," I whispered to Jasper. He nodded.

"Emmett is my husband," Rosalie said, as though speaking the words would enforce the point. "He's . . . amazing and funny and, and he puts up with me! And I really, truly love him. And I walked out on him, I hurt him. He's my husband and my best friend. And I'm really, truly sorry, Josh. I'm sorry that I'm putting you under this position. You'll find somebody, you're a nice man. I promise. I'm sorry."

Rosalie gathered the hem of her dress so that she could walk clearly, before taking a small step back down the aisle, avoiding the flower petals and disapproving, disgraced glares from the audience.

That step meant a lot.

It meant moving on.  
Change.  
Entering a new stage in her life.  
It meant forgiveness.  
And strength.  
Courage.  
And it meant hope.

* * *

Author's Note: _the 'greater good' line bears far too much resemblance to Grindelwald. I feel like a criminal for stealing from the HP fandom._


	13. XII

_I do not own Twilight – Stephenie Meyer does._

* * *

**A World of One**

Jasper strode down the aisle with the air of somebody who was _almost _happy. Rosalie followed, her back to the astonished crowd whilst I blushed, stumbled and mumbled my way after them. We exploded into the open air, slightly giggling from the obsceneness of everything. The cold breeze ruffled our clothes and knotted our hair, raising goose-bumps on my arms. The trio: him, her and me. One in a wedding gown, the other with murder on his hands.

'We can't go home just yet," Jasper told Rosalie. She nodded once before abruptly leaping on her brother, hugging him tightly for a beat before releasing. He stiffened. I stood dejectedly beside them, feeling incredibly like a child, arms held limply by my side.

.

We arrived at the orange mess, the smashed light flickered feebly.

"Didn't leave a dent," Jasper exclaimed proudly after inspection on the tree. Rosalie stopped in her tracks, the same expression of mock horror lighting her features.

"I'll walk . . ." she began slowly. Jasper laughed and I blushed.

"There's nothing wrong with it," I countered, too intimidated to look upwards.

"I'm driving," said Jasper.

"Old man, you hit a tree."

"Oh, have some trust. I lightly _grazed_it."

I handed over the keys to Rosalie, the two of us in mutual agreeance. Rosalie leapt onto the front seat, whilst Jasper snatched the passenger. I crashed gracelessly into the back, a little indignant that I was not allowed to control my own car.  
With my seatbelt on and a hazy radio presenter rattling away to himself, Rosalie turned the ignition on and gently pulled the car into reverse. With a slight shrug of her shoulders, she began to speak.

"Did you get my note?" Rosalie aimed at my reflection in the rear-view mirror. She had successfully mastered the art of talking to me without actually directing any attention towards me. I nodded slowly in reply. "And did Emmett get it?"

I raised my eyes, nodding once more. "He left," I tacked on, unwilling to elaborate.

Rosalie breathed in deeply, holding the air for a fraction too long. "I wasn't planning on leaving for long. I wanted to be a hero, you see. I wanted to track down Jasper and Alice, to return them home, present them as a prize to Carlisle, to Esme. I thought that, if I were able to find my siblings, I would be hailed as a hero. I would be replaced as the favourite daughter, the favourite sister. I truly believed that if I were able to convince Alice and Jasper to return, I would be adored.  
"Naturally, this wasn't to be. It was a delirious dream, fuelled by anger, rage, bitterness. As a human I was used for show, served up as the beautiful wife of a rich, charming prince. I was changed out of sympathy, changed merely because Carlisle did not want my death on his conscience. I thought that if I were able to return the two, I would make somebody _proud._I wouldn't just be the girl presented for show, the shallow one, the selfish one. People would see past my exterior."

Rosalie cut off whilst Jasper steered her in the direction of the hotel. I turned my attention to the window, watching the grey buildings blur past. With a jolt, I was reminded of Charlie. His mute, depressed – and, no matter how deep the terminology was, I _was_depressed – daughter had now been missing for two solid days. I resolved to call him, though I wasn't sure as to what I would say, to what explanation I would provide.

"I met Joshua Hernandez at a party. He was intoxicated, I was lonely. He was single, I was a run-away. It was, and call me out all you want, a chance for me to lead. To have the upper hand. Royce dictated our relationship, controlling the boundaries. He was a misogynistic, classist piece of filth. Carlisle controlled my future, condemning me to vampirism without first consulting me – granted, of course, that I was in no fit state to object. Here, here was a human; a simple, middle-class man, with few ambitions and a fortunate tendency to ignore the constant morphing of my eyes. He was a kind man and accepted my lies easily enough. I was an arrogant, selfish bitch towards Joshua. I took his future, stole his dreams. And I realised this at the time, I knew that what I was going was wrong. I would not age with him, I would, truthfully, most likely kill him if ever he were to bleed. Nevertheless, I felt powerful, I felt in control. It was awful."

A horrendous silence fell.


	14. XIII

_Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight related shenanigans._

* * *

**A World of One**

I collapsed through the doorframe; my hand grasped the support of a side table just in time. "No food," I announced to the room before flipping my hair in what I had presumed to be a suave manner.

I had returned from a vicious, if not unsuccessful, hunt for dinner. Raiding the mini-fridge, which held nothing but oddly-frozen salted nuts and barely chilled lemonade, had ended in disappointment. I did not trust the nuts and had already downed the drink. I knew that if I were to venture further into town, away from this oil-smudge of an area, I would find pretentious little cafes and chintzy bistros. Lack of food was not the issue, the effort required to find it was. Essentially, I was frightened that if I were to leave Rosalie and Jasper in the hotel, I would return to an empty room. I was afraid that they would leave me – disappear again. For it was not as though we were having the greatest of times.

When we had returned yesterday I had made my way to the plastic phone that was tacked up on the wall, barely supported by the minimum three screws. Next to the phone was a notepad, where the stub of a pencil was connected by chain. I used the pad to doodle, creating mindless swirls whilst I dialled. Charlie had picked up first ring, voice tired, a hint of urgency in his tone. "Swan residence," he had said.

"Dad."

"Bella?"

"Bella," I had confirmed. "Listen, I'm safe, fine. I . . ." my eyes had scanned the room, brushing over the two vampires that occupied the couch. ". . . I've met up with some friends, they're down from Phoenix. I haven't seen them in a few years. I got caught up in the moment. I forgot to call, I'm sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine." As though repeating the word 'fine' would enforce the fact.

"Well, I'd really rather if you-" I'd allowed Charlie's voice to lull over me as I scribbled on the notepad, crossing out the fragile daisies that I had created. Heavy slashes marred the paper, the blunt stub felt comfortable in my hand.

"I just needed a break from home, you know?" I'd cut in as I prepared to end the conversation. My lies were feeble, mediocre at best, and I did not wish to test how long they'd withstand.

"O-okay. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, dad. See you. I'm sorry."

And with that I had hung up, turning my attention to my aimless scribbles. The entire paper was a heavy, morbid grey, my hand having slashed out my previous art work. Symbolism be damned, it all felt a little eerie. After calling Charlie I had purged on the food, consuming all that there was to be consumed. Eighteen hours later, I was suffering the repercussions of this.

.

Rosalie stood up before announcing to the room that: "Jasper needs to hunt." Jasper looked up, startled, from his book, before he nodded slowly in agreement. "We'll be back by tomorrow morning," Rosalie informed me.

I had nodded dumbly in return as I watched them gather their keys to the room. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

And I would just have to trust that I _would _see them later, I would just have to trust that they would return.

.

I traced a crack in the wall with a determined finger; my head resting against the paint, my posture slouched. If I were to describe myself in one word, I would say 'stooped'. Everything about me gave off the appearance of lifting a heavy weight. I dragged myself around, I thought through every word before speaking. My obsessive attention could easily be mistaken for boredom.

A distant roll of thunder hit my ears and I jumped. I turned, feeling uncomfortably alone in the darkened building; from the corner of my eye a flash of white, a streak of bronze, danced across my vision. I fixated on the area, feeling exceptionally foolish. Nothing appeared.

Fresh air, I decided, was what I needed. I needed to feel a breeze on my face. I needed to feel _something._

_._

My foot slammed powerfully onto the grey pavement, a brilliant sense of purpose filling me. And if tracking down a food shop was what bought me joy, then so be it.

When I was fourteen, during a geography lesson, the teacher had grouped us up into teams of four. She had cheerfully informed us that the people in our group were 'the only survivors of a horrific boat accident, and we were now stranded on an abandoned island.' She then forced us into rationing what little supplies we had. We kept up our activity every fourth period for a solid five weeks and two days, when it concluded after a boy suggested eating the members of his team. Realistically, we all would have lasted several days, before succumbing to our thirst and drinking the ocean water, but it was so much of a bludge that nobody seemed to care.

We were taught that humans were attracted to the company of other humans. And while being a hermit by nature, I couldn't argue that most social beings would favour the friendship of others. And so I followed the wanderers on the street before finding myself standing before a shopping mall. It was convenient, so whilst I generally avoided busy areas, I valiantly braved the crowd.

.

"I'm sorry," I repeated for the umpteenth time as my shoulder dragged into my neighbour's. My foot caught on a pram, sending me sprawling onto a middle-aged man. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I continued to apologise, my face burning. I wished, once again, that I had inherited good balance.

"It was an accident."  
"I'm sorry. Sorry!"  
"I didn't see you."  
"Oh dear."  
"Oops!"  
"I'm sorry!"  
"That was my fault, I'm sorry."  
"Oh my God, I apologise for that."  
"I'm really very sorry."  
"Allow me to help you up."

I ducked on to a larger hall way, where the carpet felt softer and the chairs were used primarily for decoration. I had clearly entered the designer portion of the shopping centre. My grubby clothes did not belong amongst the golden-chained, purple-velvet covered, diamond-shoed ladies that patrolled this area.

I felt myself plummeting towards the ground after catching my foot on somebody's high heel. I grabbed onto a fake plant in an effort to correct my position as the high-heeled lady turned towards me.

"Are you okay?" she asked, voice full of genuine concern.

It was not the concern in her tone, nor the brilliant height of her shoes. It was, as I turned to face her, the colour of her golden eyes.

Alice.


	15. XIV

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

"_Are you okay?" The high heeled lady asked. It wasn't the fact that she was the only one who had generally voiced her concern. It was the voice. _

_That voice. _

_The voice that I would recognize anywhere. _

_I looked up into the golden eyes of the pixie. _

_My best friend. _

_My sister. _

_Alice. _

_____________________________________________________________________

She stared back at me, her eyes growing wide with recognition and shock.

It was as if time froze, the hoards of people disappearing like wisps of smoke.

Until it was just me and her. Alone on the crowded street.

My ears blocked out the shouts, voices and conversations of the passer by, focussing instead on Alice. I could almost hear her drawn-out voice.  
I saw her hair blow slightly in the breeze. I saw the energy drain from her face. I saw her eyes close slightly. I saw her trying to block me out. I saw her try to erase me from her memory. I saw her wince in pain. I saw her body rise when she sighed. I saw her mind make a decision.  
I saw her turn away from me. I saw her walk away in the opposite direction.

I saw her walk away from me.

I saw her walk away from me without a backward glance.

I saw myself being deserted.

Again.

.

Hold your breath and count to ten. Renee's yoga teacher had taught me that.  
It was supposed to clear your mind.

In. One. Hold. Out.  
In. Two. Hold. Out.  
In. Three. Open your eyes. Hold. Out.  
In. Four. Run. Hold. Out.  
In. Five. Go after her. Hold. Out.  
In. Six. Fall over. Hold. Out.  
In. Seven. Apologize. Hold. Out.  
In. Eight. Pray. Hold. Out.  
In. Nine. Cry. Hold. Out.  
In. Ten. Lose sight of her. Hold. Out.

I panted down the street before turning right, turning away from the main street. I panted down the narrow alley, avoiding the clusters of people and focussing my eyes to search for the spike of black.  
I turned left down an almost deserted street. Panting and wiping sweat from my eyes I turned again, seeing the flash of black hair from the corner of my vision.

My heart thudded powerfully. I had found her.

Then the questions started.  
If she was running away from me, should I really be following?

She was running extremely slowly, a human pace, allowing me to catch up if I had the energy. Her pace slowing, her steps slapping down hard on the ground.  
Her running falling down to a slow walk, until she had nearly stopped.  
She abruptly halted and slumped across the brick wall, black stains running across it. Her posture sagged and her face was turned to the ground.

A pang of hurt struck through my body.

I slowed my jogging down to a mere walk, approaching the motionless figure cautiously.

Ten steps away I realised she was crying, her tearless sobbing wracked her body.

Five steps away from her I stopped.  
Another question.  
Was I about to wreck her life?

I took another, half step towards her.  
"Alice."

Her sobbing continued.

"Alice, please."

She didn't look up. I began to look properly at her, to notice the things that I wouldn't normally notice. My joy blinding me from the bad things.  
Her clothes were torn in places, mud stained her jeans. Grass and dirt was imbedded in her normally glossy, velvet hair. It stuck up at odd angles, giving the appearance that she had been sleeping on it funny.  
I took two steps and kneeled down, peering at the unrecognizable face. The blank, lifeless look scared me.

"Alice, come with me." I said softly.  
A miniature shake of her head that I barely noticed.  
"Look at me Alice, please." Another shake.  
I sighed and gave her a look of defeat which she didn't see.

"Once Upon a Time," I began, "an ordinary child was born. Her parents called her Isabella. Isabella's daddy, who was an important police officer, was very, very much in love with Isabella's mummy. Unfortunately Isabella's mummy didn't love daddy back.  
"One day, mummy was yelling a lot at daddy, and soon Isabella found herself being packed away and taken from her home in Forks. She and mummy moved far, far away from daddy.  
"Daddy was very, very sad about this. Sometimes Isabella would come and visit her daddy in Forks, but she hated it there because it was wet and miserable and very, very dull.  
"A little while later Isabella's mummy met another man and soon mummy and new-daddy got married. Isabella didn't approve of this and she missed having her mummy all to herself. But Isabella couldn't say anything because she was scared that there was nothing that she could do. And also, for the first time in a very, very long time, mummy smiled. A pure, true smile.  
"Bella decided to visit daddy in Forks, to let this new-mummy and new-daddy spend some time together. Daddy was very pleased about this but Isabella was not, fore it was wet and miserable and very, very dull.

"But one day, Isabella saw five, beautiful people sitting in her cafeteria. These people were strangely different and everybody avoided them.  
"When it came to the next class, Isabella found herself sitting next to one of the beautiful people. He called himself Edward and in Isabella's eyes, he was clearly the most beautiful.  
"Isabella became very foolish and fell in love with Edward, hoping-stupidly, that he loved her back. Edward would constantly tell Isabella to stay away, that he was dangerous. Isabella knew that this could not be true, but she became very curious as to why he would say this. She would come to find out that they were Vampires. But this did not bother Isabella in the slightest, because these people were lovely.  
"Soon, Isabella became friends with Alice. Alice was Isabella's first real best friend.

"One day Isabella went to their house to celebrate a birthday.  
"Stupid, foolish Isabella gave herself a paper cut from the wrapping and one of the beautiful people accidentally pounced. But he soon gained control and everything was fine.  
"Unfortunately everybody started to make a big deal out of nothing and the Vampire who had lost control became very, very angry at himself. He was very disappointed and needed to leave to sort himself out.  
"Isabella knew that this was unnecessary as it was all her fault and he hadn't even touched her.  
"Sadly, the vampire did not return and is wife became very, very sad. She stopped talking to her family, who loved her very much, she became a withdrawn person and this frightened Isabella, who was used to Alice being such a bright, happy person.  
"And then one day Alice came down from her room and was very angry at Isabella, for good reason, as Isabella had wrecked her and Jaspers and everybody's life.  
"Stupidly Isabella shouted some things back which she didn't mean and Alice became even more upset and ran away.

"This made everybody very sad and Isabella was very, very upset.  
"Isabella would like to apologize for what she did and she would really, really like her best friend back."

Alice took her head out of her arms and looked straight into my eyes. We were both silent, looking at each others faces, soaking everything in.

"Jasper came back." I whispered, my throat choking up.

Alice uncurled herself and slid over to me, spreading her arms out around my waist. It took me a while to realise that she was hugging me.

I cried.

***

"You need to come home." I finally said, all the tears run dry.

"I can't." She whispered.

_____________________________________________________________________

Lol. I'm not sure, I had sudden urges to write like that :S, back to normal next chapter, when Bella isn't speaking for extended periods of time :)

Thanks for actually sticking through all that and also a HUGE thankyou to the people who reviewed :D

motherduckatschool, xXBee BeeXx, Zombie's Run This Town, xFender'sGirlx, becky-x-twilight-x, Lady Sayuri612, bookworm1292, peachykeenbean17, sheeiur22, Courtii, twilightromance4ever, _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _ ( . instead of _ ) pure_ambition_writing ( . instead of _ ) x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x and the spectacularly awesome _i_love_the_emo_corner_


	16. XV

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

"_Jasper came back." I whispered, my throat choking up. _

_Alice uncurled herself and slid over to me, spreading her arms out around my waist. It took me a while to realise that she was hugging me. _

_I cried. _

_***_

"_You need to come home." I finally said, all the tears run dry. _

"_I can't." She whispered. _

_____________________________________________________________________

I wanted to literally hurl myself at her and beg. To demand to know what was going on in her head.

Once when I was seven, Renee was late to pick me up from dance class. She was usually five-ten minutes later than the other mums, so I wasn't immediately worried.  
When it started getting dark and my stomach began to protest, a layer of dread planted itself inside of me.  
All these questions started running through my mind. And I began to imagine the worst-possible situations.

Was there a car accident?

Had she slipped and bumped her head and not able to call an ambulance?

Was there a fire?

Twenty minutes later, when the tears had run dry and the anger had kicked in, I saw my mothers unreliable car turn the corner.  
There was a strange man in the front and when he smiled he showed a lot of gold teeth.  
It was mums first boyfriend since Charlie, but I was too busy fuming in the backseat to care.

Waiting at that studio, watching the other girl's mothers collect them, all I felt was worry. And pain. And abandonment.

Right now, watching Alice pick at the thread on her stained shirt, her white fingers shaking, I feel the same worry and pain. And abandonment.  
"Why?" I asked, a simple question in concept, a million answers and possibilities in reality.  
"Because the person who I thought loved me the most, the person who knew me and loved me for _me, _left without an explanation. And broke my heart.  
"Don't think that I don't want to run home. Don't think that I don't want to run and hold him and talk to him and live with him, and just _be _with him. Because I really, really do.  
"But I just can't. I'm not strong enough." Her voice started off strong, but failed her at the end, cracking and sobbing on the last sentence.  
I just looked at her.  
"Alice, this isn't about what you want…"  
She cut me off short, her eyes gazing at me levelly, her eyebrows raised, "because it's all about _you _I presume."  
I stared at her in horror. Was that what it sounded like to her? "This isn't about what you _want._" I tried again, "it's about what you _need. _  
"You _want_ to stay here in a tight ball forever or you _want_ to run away, but that really isn't achieving anything in the long run. What you _need_ is to come back to your family."  
She put her head in her hands and groaned. "I can't do anything right anymore." She muttered into her hair.  
"Come back Alice." I whispered.  
"I can't," she whispered back feebly.  
"I know, but you're just going to have to try."  
"But I'm scared Bella. I'm really, really scared." She breathed out.  
"Of what?" I asked, puzzled.  
"Of saying something stupid to Jasper." She confessed.  
I looked at her in mock horror. "You know what; I really don't think he'll care, because at least he'll have you back."

She smiled at me; it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Thankyou Bella."

"For chasing you down a street? Or for tripping over your shoe?  
"Or for causing all this _crap_ in the first place?"

"For telling me a shockingly bad story." She laughed.

_____________________________________________________________________

_Sorry if I sent a thankyou twice –frowns- I constantly take out 'worst memory' prize. It's such an honour. _

_And sorry about the length, I'm going to update soon with a longer chapter : ) _

_Thanks for reading : )  
And a massive thankyou to these people: xXBee BeeXx, sq2cute4u, ilovetwilightalot, belwight, Cocoloco123, peachykeenbean17, Zombie's Run This Town, Lady Sayuri612, becky-x-twilight-x, Bethany Cullen, bookworm1292, twilightromance4ever, xFender'sGirlx, sheeiur22, Courtii, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x ( . instead of _ ) _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _ ( . instead of _ ), _i_love_the_emo_corner_ ( . instead of _ ) pure_ambition_writing ( . instead of _ )  
I got 19 reviews last chapter (!!) that is AMAZING. Thankyou SO much, it wasn't even that good : )_


	17. XVI

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

"_But I'm scared Bella. I'm really, really scared." She breathed out.  
"Of what?" I asked, puzzled.  
"Of saying something stupid to Jasper." She confessed.  
I looked at her in mock horror. "You know what; I really don't think he'll care, because at least he'll have you back." _

_She smiled at me; it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Thankyou Bella." _

"_For chasing you down a street? Or for tripping over your shoe?  
"Or for causing all this crap in the first place?" _

"_For telling me a shockingly bad story." She laughed. _

_____________________________________________________________________

Alice followed me home on a Tuesday.  
She collapsed Tuesday afternoon.  
My life changed Wednesday morning.  
For better or for worse?  
That was in Rosalie's hands.

***

Alice wandered behind me at an extremely slow pace, dawdling, deliberately wasting time. I wanted to reassure her, I really did, but I was still getting used to this_ new _Alice. This held back, brooding girl. Her size shrinking her into the background, until she was almost a…nobody.  
This scared me, what had she been through these past few months? My bubbly, exciting best friend had gone, replaced by this person that I hardly knew.

It shocked me; she was almost like Jasper, not wanting to talk to me, withdrawn from family, watching on as everybody else had fun. But I had learnt that that wasn't like Jasper at all. He wanted to share his views on the world; he wanted his opinion tossed out there.

It's just that nobody wanted to listen.

I led the shadow of Alice to the hotel, marching purposely through the grand entrance. Alice had her face turned down towards the floor; she seemed jumpy, fidgety all of a sudden, her senses tingling. Energy replaced. But this didn't shock me.  
She was about to see her husband. It had been ninety eight days too long.

I reached the wooden door with its grand lettering, knowing full well that inside it was broken down and cheap.  
I turned to face Alice, "they'll be out hunting."  
"They'll?" It was the first word that Alice had spoken since I had dragged her here.  
"Rosalie and Jasper, and then Esme and Carlisle are still at home I presume."  
She nodded, as though confirming the fact. "Edward, Emmett?"  
My face went red and I cast my eyes downward. I hated bringing all that up.

***

I stepped onto the commercial, orange flecked carpet.

And screamed.

Alice rushed over to me, her body a flash of white against the dark walls. Her eyes skimmed over our surroundings, searching for the cause of my worries.  
"What is it?" She asked, unable to find the problem.  
I held up a shaking finger, directing it to the corner of the room. "It's following me." I whispered.  
Her eyes grew alarmed, searching for what I was pointing out. I nearly missed the split second of anguish that over took her face, her eyes breaking, it lasted the briefest of milliseconds. But I knew she had found something.  
"What's following you?" She asked, her eyebrows pulled down.  
"It's everywhere. It follows me _everywhere, _it even haunts my dreams.  
"It was outside, that first day I left the house, it was their, I saw it. It made me get in the car.  
"And then this morning, when Rosalie and Jasper had left, I saw it. In the same corner.  
"And the first night here, I think Jasper was _talking _to it.  
"It's following me Alice, every night I dream about it. It's coming for me."

Alice, alarmed and confused, led me to the sofa, forcing me to sit down. My knees gave way as I sunk into the cushions.  
"What is it?" She asked, her voice small.

"It's a flash of white," I answered. "I think it's Edward."

It was the first time that I had said his name in a long, long time. It gripped and scorched my throat, choking me. Yet it still seemed so _natural. _The name gliding around the room.  
It was the first time that I had spoken aloud my theory, it was the first time I had confided in anybody my dreams.  
The dreams that plagued my sleep, making me toss and turn.

It never _did _anything, it was just always _there. _

Watching. Waiting.

***

My stomach had given up on me; it had successfully passed the hunger pains, the loud protests that erupted from my belly. The pain that made me bend over in agony had long left and the sick feeling had momentarily subsided. I was now onto the final stage, where I just wasn't hungry anymore. It was the most dangerous stage. I forced myself to eat a sandwich, its contents dry in my mouth and hard to swallow, burning my throat.  
I wanted to spit it back out.

***

The hunger had returned and the bread had run out.

***

If you cocked your head to the left and closed your eyes just so, the crack in the plastering that descended from the right hand corner looked kind of like a lamp.

***

My shoes have forty-two holes punched into the leather.

***

My god, why had they not come back yet?

***

I learnt today that my body isn't capable of doing handstands.

***

It is humanly possible to not actually think of anything at all.

***

I can hold my breath for one minute, twenty nine seconds.

***

The loose thread on my pants is several degrees lighter in shade than the rest.

***

I was sitting on the couch, next to Alice, staring blindly at the wall, listening to the patient ticking of the clock, reminding myself that it wouldn't be long, they'd be home soon.

Rosalie and Jasper returned home at six-forty three. The street lamps flooded through the window.

The lock clicked and my head shot upwards towards the door. Rosalie entered first, her head turned to the ground, she looked up.  
"Didn't even catch anything, after all tha…" She trailed off, her attention diverted to Alice. "Bella, there's a strange woman sitting on our lounge."  
I laughed and Rosalie smiled.

"There's a _what?_" Jasper asked, clearly alarmed. He pushed past Rosalie. And froze.

"Hi." Alice murmured shyly.

Jasper still remained motionless in the door.

Alice stood up and looked at him, everybody standing still in their respective spots. Everything silent.

Waiting.

Suddenly Alice ran forward, sobbing, into Jasper's arms. "I missed you," she sobbed into his hair before falling limp.

And collapsing to the ground.

_____________________________________________________________________

_Thankyou everybody : )  
First off, I would just like to point out how awesome I am, I mean, I only posted YESTERDAY.  
Even though it was a pathetic excuse for a chapter and I promised I would do this and…yeah. I actually just wanted to post so I can get my next one up, 'cause it's one of my favourites : ) _

_Yay. _

_Thankyou so much too everybody who took the time to review, they really make my day : ) : Zombie's Run This Town, Courtii, bookworm1292, horsecrazed, sheeiur, motherduckatschool, Bethany Cullen, Cocoloco123, peachykeenbean17, xFender'sGirlx, LadySayuri612, twilightromance4ever, and pure_ambition_writing ( . instead of _ )  
Thankyou so much, your reviews are my sunshine : )_


	18. XVII

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_Jasper still remained motionless in the door. _

_Alice stood up and looked at him, everybody standing still in their respective spots. Everything silent. _

_Waiting. _

_Suddenly Alice ran forward, sobbing, into Jasper's arms. "I missed you," she sobbed into his hair before falling limp. _

_And collapsing to the ground. _

_____________________________________________________________________

"It's a vision," Jasper informed me, holding his arm outstretched towards me, so as I wouldn't go near the pixie figure.

I stood there in stunned silence, I had never seen Alice so dramatically affected by one of her visions. I'd never seen her body succumb so completely.  
"It's a big one." Rosalie let out in a breath. A growing sense of worry settled itself in my stomach as I stared at the motionless figure. She just wasn't moving.  
Rosalie inched forward. "Alice?" She called uncertainly.  
I glanced up at Jasper; he stood over his wife, as if protecting her, guarding her. It almost…hurt for me to look at him. Where was my protector? Where was Edward?

He was nothing but a mere flash. A figment of my imagination.

Slowly Alice began to resurface. She opened her eyes and blinked hard before sitting up. Her pupils moved around the room before finally coming to focus on Rosalie's face. The blonde vampire was kneeling before her, her eyes squeezed until they were almost shut.

Alice slowly uncurled her arms and placed them delicately on her sister's shoulders.

"Emmett's dead."

_____________________________________________________________________

_I'm not even going to write about what I think about this chapter. Tell me what you think by reviewing ;)  
Also, please vote in my poll, because I have no idea what to do :) _

_Thanks to the fellow awesome people: Cocoloco123, motherduckatschool, HaPpY bUnNy Is NoT aN eMo, Zombie's Run This Town, emzigale07, AdelleJessop, sheeiur22, twilightromance4ever, LadySayuri612, aurla0 (x2 :)) bookworm1292, peachykeenbean17, becky-x-twilight-x, pure_ambition_writing ( . instead of _ ) and the lovely x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x  
Also, thankyou too the anonymous GreenBean, I send one thousand thankyou's to you : )_


	19. XVIII

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_Slowly Alice began to resurface. She opened her eyes and blinked hard before sitting up. Her pupils moved around the room before finally coming to focus on Rosalie's face. The blonde vampire was kneeling before her, her eyes squeezed until they were almost shut. _

_Alice slowly uncurled her arms and placed them delicately on her sister's shoulders. _

"_Emmett's dead." _

_____________________________________________________________________

Everything went in slow motion once those two words were uttered. I remembered the annoying ticking of the clock, the ticking that never let me forget that I was wasting precious seconds in this place; I remembered the ticking slowing down, until it had almost stopped completely.  
Jasper had frozen mid-move, in the process of reaching out towards Alice.  
Alice had carefully removed her hands from Rosalie's shoulders, she had them drooped down by her sides, head hanging in grief, body slumped forward in what almost appeared to be exhaustion. Bone aching exhaustion.  
And me? I was standing by the couch, my arm swinging limply by my left side, deciding whether or not to go and comfort somebody.

_I _needed comforting.

Rosalie was the one that I couldn't bare to look at; she was the one that I would have to force myself to glance at.

I slowly lifted my gaze to her carefully composed face. Like a mask, nothing shining through.

And then her mask cracked like glass.

And her screaming began.

Her terrible sound snapped Alice and Jasper from their stupor.  
Her beautiful face twisted yet mesmerising. I found myself unable to look away, her piercing screams ringing in my ears, echoing around the room.

I felt myself suddenly calm in the chaos of it all, almost as though I was floating. At first I thought it was Jasper, using his powers to try and settle everybody down, but as I looked around I found the odd calmness having no immediate effects on anybody else.

Time itself seemed to stop, everybody's movements delayed. The terrible screaming reduced to a mere dim that occupied the back of my mind.  
I had this odd out-of-body experience. I felt as though I was standing at the back of the room, back pressed to the wall, watching everybody panic. It was almost funny in a sick sense as I watched my body walk up to console Rosalie.

It was peaceful, standing there with my white flash. Watching the trouble from a safe distance.

I was snapped back to reality when I realised what Rosalie was saying. "I killed him!" She screamed, "I killed him! Why? Why! Let me take his place. PLEASE. Why? This wasn't meant to _happen!" _She screamed helplessly. "Why! I loved him _so _much, he was my EVERYTHING! I killed him! Why?" She yelled angrily into the air.  
"Why?" She whispered.

***

"What did you see?" Jasper asked Alice. She spaced out for a moment, lost in her memories. "There was a group of vampires, six in total. They were facing Emmett, in a small clearing surrounded by trees.  
"A brown haired one was talking, accusing Emmett of something. Emmett was knelling down, begging for death. To end the never-ending pain. And then they just…jumped on him, ripping…" She trailed off, shaking her head slightly as her eyes blinked, clearing the image.  
"What was the brown haired vampire accusing him of?" Jasper asked slowly.  
She narrowed her eyes, thinking. "Of hiding something, of knowing where one of their companions was."

Jasper and I froze.

"Is it…?" I asked, unable to finish the sentence.  
Jasper nodded his head once. "It is…it's them."

That group, that group in the alley the day I found Jasper. They were coming.

I was meant to find everybody and bring them all back. Back to where they belonged, back to Esme and Carlisle, and everybody could play happy families again. And we could just forget about all this, we could throw all this behind us. Something to laugh at nervously before quickly changing the subject.

It wasn't meant to come back and haunt us. Our past, this section of our lives refusing to let us go.

***

"Alice?" I had asked absent mindedly, Rosalie had stopped yelling, she had stopped sound completely, refusing to talk as she sat at the window seat, looking down at the street below. She had her knees pulled tightly to her chest. I'd almost prefer it if she yelled.  
"Mmm," Alice murmured, her head lying on her husbands shoulder, her eyes closed. It would have looked cute to an outsider, somebody who didn't know them. To me I understood it, they hadn't see each other for over a quarter of a year, and they had also just lost a brother, a best friend.

**Maybe. **

"Alice, you see the _future _right?" I shouldn't feel this; I needed to squash this growing buzz of hope. It would only hurt me more when I found out the truth. "And the future, it's subject to _change _right?"  
Jaspers head shot up, he seemed to understand.  
"Yes?" Alice asked, her topaz eyes open, looking at me curiously.  
"So what you saw…Emmett…dying, that happened in the _future?" _I asked, trying to make sense of what was happening.

Alice took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "Yes, it hasn't happened yet." She chose her words carefully. Rosalie's head shot around. Exasperation written all over her face.

"We won't make it," Alice said calmly. "It'd be two hours drive. At least."  
Rosalie slumped forward in her seat; Jasper sent a disapproving glance in my direction. _Why had you raised her hopes? _

"Hello, you people can run ridiculously fast, right?"  
Alice smiled sadly. "We won't make it Bella. I'm sorry."  
"TRY! If we make it and it's too late, then there's nothing to lose. At least we know we _tried.  
_"You can't just walk around not knowing, thinking _it might have been. _  
"Have some _hope _Alice."  
"_When _we get there to late, how do you think Rosalie is going to feel? Watching her husband die?"

We all turned to Rosalie's window seat, but she was gone. The space vacated. Instead we found her standing at the front door, her pale hand gripping the door handle and her eyes looking at us expectantly.

"Well hurry up!" She called.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________

_Thankyou for taking the time to read :) _

_It may not have been what you expected, it may have been the most disappointing chapter ever read, it didn't exactly do anything, it was just written.  
But that's okay :) _

_Thankyou to EVERYONE that reviewed: motherduckatschool, Annieisjaws, Zombie's Run This Town, AdelleJessop, twilightromance4ever, becky-x-twilight-x, Beanie923, LadySayuri612, sq2cute4u, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, emzigale07, xFender'sGirlx, bookworm1292, Kastille, ilovetwilightalot, sheeiur22, jacs654322, Cocoloco123, Laura (thankyou Laura for all your reviews : )) Courtii, pure_ambition_writing ( . instead of _ ) _i_love_the_emo_corner_ ( . instead of _ ) x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x and _ShonaM_ ( . instead of _ ) _

_You guys are awesome and every single review makes me smile and feel special : D _

_Have a rockin' day._


	20. XIX

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_Alice smiled sadly. "We won't make it Bella. I'm sorry."  
"TRY! If we make it and it's too late, then there's nothing to lose. At least we know we tried.  
"You can't just walk around not knowing, thinking it might have been.  
"Have some hope Alice."  
"When we get there to late, how do you think Rosalie is going to feel? Watching her husband die?" _

_We all turned to Rosalie's window seat, but she was gone. The space vacated. Instead we found her standing at the front door, her pale hand gripping the door handle and her eyes looking at us expectantly. _

"_Well hurry up!" She called. _

_____________________________________________________________________

My body visibly relaxed. I let out a large sigh. "Thankyou," I muttered under my breath, forgetting for a moment that they would be able to hear me.

Alice shrugged her shoulders slightly. "This won't end well," she stated before leaving the room after Rosalie. I truly hated her at that moment.

Jasper pulled me over to the side. "If this doesn't work out then Rosalie could very well be watching her husband's death," he hissed through his teeth. I glanced fearfully into his crimson eyes, he quickly adverted his gaze, dropping his arm down to his side. "Sorry," he murmured. "Do I frighten you?"

I didn't answer.

***

Jasper and Rosalie ran ahead, they had already disappeared by the time I had left the foyer. Nothing but a wisp of air trailing behind them. I stood awkwardly next to Alice as we both stared pointedly at my car. I gave her an apologetic look as she sat herself in the driver's seat. She returned it with a slight frown, almost a glare.  
She gripped the steering wheel too hard, bending the perfect circle out of shape. Unlike Jasper, Alice felt the need to have the radio on, blasting out any possible conversation. The stations mindless beat getting stuck in my head.  
"Alice?" I attempted to ask. She kept staring at the road, which under normal circumstances I would have been grateful for, but right now, in this alternate universe that I would never have thought possible, I took it as a bad sign.

Alternate universe? Last year I would have thought a normal day would have been an alternate universe. I'm a girl living in a vampire world. I'm the girl who's caught in the middle of a messed up fairytale.

"Alice?" I tried again; she inclined her head slightly, acknowledging me. "What happened to you?" I asked in a small, almost fearful voice. It was like having a best friend, and then that best friend moving away. You meet up with her in the future, but she's not the same, she's not your best friend anymore.  
She's different in a very bad way.

Alice turned to look at me, her eyes wide, imaginary tears spilling out.

And at that moment I knew, I finally understood.

"I can't remember," she whispered sadly.

***

"Matthew," Jasper informed us. "Is the leader." He filled us in as we approached the forest, me failing miserably at being quiet. Alice rolled her eyes in my direction.  
"They'll smell you anyway; don't bother trying to sneak around."  
Rosalie side long glanced at her. "What's your problem?" But it was rhetorical.

I was holding everybody back, but it didn't matter, we had reached the small clearing surprisingly quickly.

I heard somebody groan, the sound echoing off the trees, I listened as somebody stumbled around the grass wildly, rustling plants out of the way and leaving permanent indentations in the dirt.  
Rosalie let out a little squeak before clamping her hand tightly over her mouth. I pulled the ferns slowly apart, preparing myself for the worst.

And there he was, on his knees, his arms tossed up towards the sky. As though he was praying.

It was one of the saddest, heart breaking images that I will ever live to see. He looked so helpless, so alone.

But he was there none-the-less. He was alive and that's what counted. It was the best feeling in the world.

Another squeak escaped through Rosalie's clenched fist. Japer slowly extended his arm, softly shoving her towards Emmett.

She took a small step, the dead leaf matter crunching under her weight. Emmett didn't turn, yet the snap sounded deafening even to my ears.  
She heart stoppingly took another step, sucking in a gut full of air and closing her eyes. She took a leap forward, landing a step behind her husband. She closed the gap, standing directly behind the crouching figure.

Slowly she uncurled her arms from her side and placed them around his neck. "Guess who," she whispered, voice breaking painfully.

Slowly, painfully slowly, Emmett began to turn around.  
He stood up, looking into Rosalie's eyes. "I'm dead," he said in wonder, a brilliant smile lighting his face. I wondered briefly if that was the first smile he had cracked in a long, long time. Rosalie's eyes grew wide and her mouth flapped open, shaking her head.  
"Don't say…" She was stopped when Emmett put a finger over her mouth.  
"I get to be with you." He whispered, eyes shining bright before he picked her up around the waist, holding her at arms length and swinging her around. I watched in wonder as her blonde hair flew out behind her, head held back, laughing. He pulled her towards his chest, engulfing her perfect figure in a bone breaking hug. He closed his eyes and rested his head on top of hers.

***

Alice's head shot up from the scene playing before our eyes. She stood up to her full height, neck craning around, a growing sense of worry enveloping her expression. Jasper stood up from where he had been slowly picking apart a leaf. He went to stand in front of Alice, his arm tossed out to keep her back.

Alice glared at the offending arm, Jasper turned back to her face, his eyes wide and frantic.

The next part happened in slow motion. I watched as Alice gasped, withdrawing her body away. "Jasper, your eyes!" She whispered in horror.

_No. _

His head snapped away, dropping his arm. I frantically looked back at Rosalie and Emmett, wanting to escape back to a happy ending.

But they too were looking into the distance, their eyes narrowed.

"What is it?" I asked, terrified.

But I needn't have bothered, for they had already arrived.

_____________________________________________________________________

_Thankyou for reading, I have a new story up called 'Silver Lining,' please check it out if you have the time : ) _

_This chapter was disappointing for everybody, I refuse to write Romance as I can't. I've tried and failed thousands of times, so the love factor was missing. _

_The Emmett haters I let down and I left it with another 'omg, random vampires are coming again, when will this story ever end?'  
Also I only quickly read through this, so it'll have mistakes and I'm tired and sick right now.  
Enough excuses?_

_But thankyou to everybody who reviewed, each and every one makes my day :) :: sheeiur22, peachykeenbean17, Beanie923, bookworm1292, Laura, xFender'sGirlx, LadySayuri612, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, becky-x-twilight-x, twilightromance4ever, Zombie's Run This Town, HaPpY bUnNy Is NoT aN eMo, cullen1994, emzigale07, Raiken-Ryu, Courtii, motherduckatschool, _i_love_the_emo_corner_ and pure_ambition_writing. _

_I'm about to fall asleep, please review :)_


	21. XX

_do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_The next part happened in slow motion. I watched as Alice gasped, withdrawing her body away. "Jasper, your eyes!" She whispered in horror. _

_No. _

_His head snapped away, dropping his arm. I frantically looked back at Rosalie and Emmett, wanting to escape back to a happy ending. _

_But they too were looking into the distance, their eyes narrowed. _

"_What is it?" I asked, terrified. _

_But I needn't have bothered, for they had already arrived. _

_____________________________________________________________________

There was something different about them.

That was my first thought as I watched the vampires, their red eyes glowing, march purposely towards us. It was an all too familiar scene, the baseball game flaming in my mind.  
I stood still, examining the group. What was different about them?  
And then it hit me.

There was one more to their group.

Jasper had a sharp intake of breath. He recognized the new member too.

It was him, the poor man from the alley. The man that had appeared so helpless on the ground, his parka soaked, his hair matted to his fore-head.

How could they have done this to somebody so innocent? To somebody that had a future, a family, a life?

"Hello." A blonde woman purred, cocking one of her eyebrows towards the newest member. "Thomas," she informed. "He's such a darl." She laughed coldly, her red eyes mocking. I watched as the blonde turned to face me, her lips curling up.  
The leader-Michael, turned towards me also. "Oh dear." He commented, voice full of fake sorrow. "Now this _is _tricky." A couple of the vampires laughed.

He took a step towards me, raising his arm and resting it lightly on my shoulder, as though comforting me. I shuddered, my body protesting heavily. I was horrified, barely daring to breathe. "It's okay sweetie," he soothed. "But I'm afraid that dear Jasper has been lying to you."  
My gaze turned to my almost brother, who had locked gazes with Michael.  
"He wants to _eat _you, sweetie, he did this before, quite rude really. Pretending to be somebodies friend." He turned to face Alice, mockingly stroking her hair. "Isn't it darling?"  
Alice reached her hand up, slapping the evil vampire's wrist away. "_Don't _touch me." She whispered menacingly. Michael smiled coyly before directing his attention back to me; I drew my face back as he grabbed a lock of my hair, curling it around his pinkie.  
"See, he did this before, making a poor innocent child fall head over heels for him, and then he ate her when she needed him the most." He smiled appreciatively at Jasper. "Nice technique, brother." He admired.  
"I'm not your brother." Jaspers voice was level, his hands flexing by his sides, the only give away to his anger. His gaze still locked on Michaels.  
He continued playing with my hair, bending in to sniff it. "He'll make you trust him, I'm afraid that he may already have succeeded, then he'll wait till you're most vulnerable." He bent in and whispered in my ear.  
"Then he'll strike." He trailed a finger lazily down my cheek, the urges to hit him were out-of-control, but I knew that I was no match for him. He could grind me into dust before I had even had the time to merely think of hitting him.  
"Mmm," he hummed with pleasure. "You _do _smell good. In fact, I'm not sure that I want to share yo…" His sentence finished when Alice slammed into him, catching him off balance. His nails dug into my cheek as he fell away, leaving a burning sensation, bringing tears to my eyes.

Jasper growled and I flung a hand to my face, realising the red liquid seeping through my fingertips was blood.

My blood.

And I was in a field of blood thirsty vampires that had no issue with ending my life.

_____________________________________________________________________

_That was a last minute decision to add the last bit. I really haven't planned what to do next, so if you have any suggestions then it would be greatly appreciated :)  
I've pre-written this story, but I decided to have her bleed in the presence of vampires like, ten seconds ago :) _

_Thanks for all your reviews, I honestly didn't deserve them last chapter, I was tired and angry and writing horribly :) _

_LadySayuri612, Laura, peachykeenbean17, sheeiur, twilightromance4ever, motherduckatschool, Sam, xFender'sGirlx, fang luver454, Rebekah Mae, bookworm1292, emzigale07, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, DescendingWolves, AdelleJessop, xxniicoleexx, Beanie923, becky-x-twilight-x, HaPpY bUnNy Is NoT aN eMo, Zombie's Run This Town, pure_ambition_writing ( . instead of _ ) and the lovely yet too slack to sign in Courtii _

_:) _

_Please review and tell me what to do :)_


	22. XXI

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

"Mmm," he hummed with pleasure. "You do smell good. In fact, I'm not sure that I want to share yo…" His sentence finished when Alice slammed into him, catching him off balance. His nails dug into my cheek as he fell away, leaving a burning sensation, bringing tears to my eyes.

Jasper growled and I flung a hand to my face, realising the red liquid seeping through my fingertips was blood.

My blood.

And I was in a field of blood thirsty vampires that had no issue with ending my life.

_____________________________________________________________________

Have you ever thought that maybe you had the power to control your heart beat? I mean, it's _your _body, why does our body just automatically tick? Maybe, just _maybe _if I hold my breath, it'll slow down my heart and the flow of blood. Or maybe I can make my blood clot, to seal the wound.  
Or maybe I can just stand here and pray. How is it that I've survived this long? How is it that humans last their first year. With all the dangers in this world, it's a miracle that anybody makes it, a million different complications. A million diseases. A million evil people. What makes life run so easily?  
But really, I made it _this_ far, jumped so many hurdles. Why is it that I die from a _stupid _little scratch? How is it that one drop of blood could kill me?  
I hope the evil vampires get to me first. I don't want my family to have to live with my death on their conscious. I don't want them to have to face crimson eyes glaring back at them in the mirror_. I don't want to break this family again._

I listen foolishly for the sound of an alarm clock; I wait patiently to wake up. I've always had this thought that all of this is just a dream. I mean, not just this wild-goose-chase to find the Cullen's, I mean the Cullen's in general. My own imagination has dreamt up these dangerously beautiful vampires. The only thing that gives away the fact that this isn't fantasy, that I'm living a dream, is that I'm not creative enough to even _begin _to create Edward. I wouldn't have a hope of dreaming up something so utterly and completely beautiful.  
Maybe everybody has odd last thoughts, I remember reading once about a lady who had nearly drowned, she recalled thinking of whether she had turned the iron off when she had left the house that morning. At the time I thought it was ridiculous, how was I supposed to believe something like that? She was drowning, wouldn't she be thinking of her family members, things that mattered?  
But now I think that maybe I can understand. It's our subconscious changing the subject, not letting us think about our impending doom. _It's letting us leave with a smile. _

To my left I hear Alice struggling with the leader. A deep growl is erupting from her chest and her lips are pulled back, revealing teeth dripping with poison. He has his hands planted firmly around her neck, slowly squeezing harder; the pressure barely registers on her face. I watch in stunned awe as Alice digs her fingertips into his chest, tilting his head back with her left hand.

"Emmett!" I hear Rosalie scream, my head snaps around to the noise and I watch the big, brown haired vampire run into the middle of the crowd, grabbing and pulling apart two evil vampires at a time. I know that I have to look away, I know what is about to come.

I know that in this field, somebody has to die.

"Bella!" Jasper yelled, I pivot in my spot, crunching dead leaf matter out of the way. "Bella, run!"  
It was the last words he spoke before he pounced. I realised that at that moment, he was trying to save me from himself.

"Jasper, Jasper no!" I heard Rosalie scream before she launched herself forward, landing neatly between my body and Jaspers. She planted her feet firmly into the ground, her eyes narrowing as she took in her brothers crouching form. I took a cautious step back, knowing full well that it would alert everybody to my living form.  
"Jasper. Jasper, please try, please." I looked at Rosalie in shock. Was it not her that wanted me dead only but half a year ago?

I knew.  
Rosalie knew.  
Jasper knew.

That it was all a lost cause. That Jasper was a predator and I was the prey.

And that if I didn't get out of here soon, I was going to be only but a memory.  
Rosalie pushed Jasper back roughly, causing him to lose his balance and tumble, he growled angrily, snapping his teeth. I watched from behind Rosalie's arm as his eyes flashed pure loathing.  
"Alice, please," Rosalie pleaded, turning her head slightly so she could peer out of her peripheral vision.  
"Rose, get her out of here."  
I looked at Rosalie. If she grabbed me, she'd have to turn her back. She'd have to turn her back on Jasper.  
I heard Emmett shout, he was pinned to the ground by a blonde vampire, her hair cascading down as her grip tightened on him. I noticed the newborn advancing towards me, his eyes wild, wide and haunting. A small whimper escaped my parted lips. _Help. _

A sudden idea loomed up ahead in my mind. As though a massive sign had erected itself in my brain.

Edward.

_Edward please come. Edward I need you now, now more than ever. Edward please! _

I thought it and I screamed it, the words twisting through my mouth, echoing off the distant trees. Nobody turned to face my sudden outburst, all too occupied with warding each other off. It took me a while to realise that I wasn't actually saying the words, they wouldn't form properly on my tongue. I realised that I couldn't get enough power behind them, to launch them out of my tired, frightened mouth. I tried to make a sound, but I just couldn't.

Had I died?

Why was everything going black?

Had the newborn or Jasper pounced?

Why was I so light headed…

The sun turned itself off in my mind and I collapsed in a heap onto the tough ground. My hair flopped ungracefully around my pale face. My forehead broke out in a sweat and I felt a wave of nausea sweep itself over me. I tried to scream for help, but I was unable to.

Did nobody notice me? Nobody notice what had happened?  
"Man down," I forced through clenched teeth before sleep overtook me. And I succumbed to the darkness.

***

"Bella." A familiar voice urged. My heart sped up as for the briefest of seconds I thought it was Edward.  
"Bella." The voice called again and I resurfaced. I was in a bright room, the stark white walls and over-hygienic smell alerting me severely to my whereabouts. A hospital.

Was it the thousandth time in my life? At least this time I couldn't find it in myself to blame this particular visit on my common clumsiness. No, this time it was for something much more sinister.  
I looked over at the drip that was leaking clear liquid straight into my veins, the sharp needle protruding and making me feel slightly dizzy. The steady beeping of the heart monitor giving us some background noise. I let my eyes slide over my visitors, my mind lazily counting up the numbers.  
One, Two, Three.  
Three?  
"She's awake," Rosalie commented, pushing herself effortlessly out of the plastic blue chair. She glided over and pressed a cold hand to my cheek, checking my temperature. A shiver glided through my body and she removed the hand.  
"How are you feeling?" She asked, concern coating her voice.  
"Where's Alice?" I asked, ignoring the question.  
"You should have seen it, you just fell over and everybody froze. Nobody went near you. It was so _weird." _Emmett said in a slightly dazed voice.  
"Where's Alice?" I asked again, struggling to keep my voice controlled, forcing the worry to bubble down.  
"I remember seeing your hand hit the ground, after the rest of your body, and I just snapped out of it. I think everybody did. Everybody just stopped, just stopped and stared." Jasper ran a hand through his hair, his red eyes gleaming. Thankfully not from my blood.  
"Where's Alice?" My heart monitor had sped up and my eyes darted nervously from vampire to vampire. Why was nobody answering me?

"Where. Is. Alice." I forced out, the panic flooding my voice, raising my voice an octave.

"Was she killed?" I ask simply.

_____________________________________________________________________

_I'm sorry for the slow update, I really didn't know where to go with this and I partially gave up, and then I forgot about it for a while. So I wrote this pathetic chapter today for you all :)  
Thankyou to everybody's awesome suggestions. Special kudos go to motherduckatschool, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity and sheeiur22.  
Thanks for all your support and reviews:): Courtii, peachykeenbean17, becky-x-twilight-x, Zombie's Run This Town, motherduckatschool, xx-AliceCullenForever-xx, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, LadySayuri612, Cocoloco123, emzigale07, twilightromance4ever, xFender'sGirlx, bookworm1292, sheeiur22, _ u n i q u e ) h a r m o n y _ ( . instead of _ ), x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x and the lovely Laura.  
Thanks for all your reviews Laura, I hope you haven't given up on me :)_

_Make sure you have a beautiful day and review :)_


	23. XXII

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_Jasper ran a hand through his hair, his red eyes gleaming. Thankfully not from my blood.  
"Where's Alice?" My heart monitor had sped up and my eyes darted nervously from vampire to vampire. Why was nobody answering me? _

"_Where. Is. Alice." I forced out, the panic flooding my voice, raising my voice an octave. _

"_Was she killed?" I ask simply. _

_____________________________________________________________________

Rosalie smiled sweetly, fiddling casually with the various tubes that ran into my body.  
"She's fine," she assured. "Everybody is absolutely fine."

But I knew from the slightly dark look in her eyes that this was a lie. Everybody was not fine. Everything was not fine.

"She's just out in the corridor, sorting some things out with the hospital, making sure we don't get asked any…difficult questions." Jaspers gazed remained on mine and I felt myself relax a little, with his empathy or at the fact that she was fine, that she was near, I don't know.  
"We should go," Emmett said, glancing briefly at his wrist, indicating the time. Time was a constant worry for us. How long had we wasted? How long had we kept Carlisle and Esme waiting? How long had we left until we could return home?

I stifled a yawn, brushing a weak hand through my greasy locks.

_I want to go home. I miss my mummy._

How long does it take to ruin a life? Does it happen gradually, slowly over time? Or can it happen in a matter of moments, with bad news or a terrible choice of words?  
I've learnt from experience that it happens quickly, yet gradually. It builds up without your knowledge until it all comes rushing down upon you and suddenly you wonder how you couldn't have seen it earlier. And you wonder how you could have been so foolish. You wonder how you thought you were so safe, and you miss that innocence. Oh how you miss that innocence.

He's not coming back.

Rosalie's sweet smile turned fake, turning to cracked plaster, plaster that I could see straight through. Her fake façade looking sour upon the beautiful face.  
"Where is she really?" I ask Jasper, my eyes narrowed sightly, I feel my heart speed up again as his mouth opens once, twice, no sound coming out. His brain trying to think of a reasonable explanation. A reasonable lie.  
"Where _is _she?" I ask, but I didn't really need to, fore she had arrived. Everything appeared…fine, normal considering the circumstances. Her clothes and hair in perfect order, face openly relieved. Maybe it was the eyes, they were almost filled with…stress.

"Bella, honey, we need to talk." Her face was kind, open.

And I knew immediately that I didn't want to talk with her. I didn't want to hear what she was about to tell me. I didn't want to know, I wanted to stay innocent. Innocent and young and foolish and happy.

My lower lip quavered and I felt a heavy lump develop in my throat. _Please don't cry. Be strong. You're not allowed to cry. _

I slowly, reluctantly took Alice's extended hand, biting down hard on my tongue to stop myself from crying. "It's not good news, is it?"  
"No," she whispered, wrapping a secure arm around my frail shoulders. I remember, once upon a time, when I found Alice, alone, angry and confused. It was me that led her home that day; it was me who nursed her back to hope. It was me who was in control.  
It was nice while it lasted.

"I…I don't want to…please don't tell me…" I began to shiver uncontrollably, shivers coursing through my body, teeth chattering, hair standing on end. She dropped her arm but I wasn't shivering from the cold. It was that deep, deep down I knew what she was about to tell me. I knew she was about to ruin my life in a matter of moments with a matter of words.

Why are words so powerful?

She raised a white hand; it appeared almost gloved in its perfect ness. She swept a lose strand of hair away from my face and grabbed my shoulders, steering me down the corridor and away from the other vampires. The siblings that I had grown to know and love.  
"It's Edward," she sighed, chest raising. My shivers stopped completely and I dropped, falling, tumbling, screaming. Why did she not catch me? The ground tilted as she lifted me to my feet again.  
"He's…fine, completely healthy."  
My chest convulsed and a sob escaped my tightly closed lips, I took a deep, shuddering breath and blinked my eyes, clearing the tears that threatened to show. "I don't want to know…I don't understand…" I whispered, she rubbed a hand in circular motions across my back and set us down on the dettol-cleansed, plastic flooring.  
"You might even think it's good news!" She tried to comfort, I felt my fingers twist uncontrollably, my body shaking, racked with the mind-blowing shivers.  
"I don't want to hear it…" I tried again, but I'm not sure if she was listening, I'm not sure if she could decipher what I was saying, what I was trying to convey. "I don't want to…" I tried again, but she had already opened her mouth to shush me.

The next bit came in slow motion, I saw her eyes widen and a breath flow through her chest, I watched her eyes blink and her eyebrows raise slightly. I braced myself for the words that were about to leave her mouth.

"We found Edward." She said. I jerked away from her instinctively.  
"But, but that's wonderful!" I screamed, voice elated, eyes wide, a buzz spread through my limbs, my head to my toes. My white flash.  
Why was she looking like that? Was that a line of sympathy? I remembered briefly when Jasper had told me he knew where Rosalie was, and I remembered being so shocked at his anger filled face.  
"Oh god, he's getting married, isn't he?"  
"No," she said, her head cocked to the side. "No, what?"

A feeling of relief floods through my system. "Why…why are you so…?" Why does she look like that, why has she got that look on her face. Don't look at me like that. I don't need your sympathy.  
"He…Bella sweetie, he isn't coming back."

_And the world went black. _

______________________________________________________________________ _

_I've attempted this chapter a couple of times, failing again and again : )  
It's short and choppy but it's there :) _

_If you have the time, please review, they make my day _

_Thanks to: TeAroha, motherduckatschool, becky-x-twilight-x, Courtii, Zombie's Run This Town, Beanie923, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, lamia-amo, sheeiur22, Laura, twilightromance4ever, peachykeenbean17, bookworm1292, xFender'sGirlx, LadySayuri612, i wear cool socks, HAYLIEE, xxniicoleexx, hikari mae, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x ( . instead of _ ) and the awesome _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _ ( . instead of _ ) _

_All of your reviews are awesome :D _


	24. XXIII

_Thanks for sticking with me, nearly done before I start loading the big guns. Or the chapters of other peoples stories, which will probably only be like a chapter and extremely pathetic but, you know, stuff happens.  
Thanks everybody for reading and reviewing, I got myself an Edward for you all, marvel at his glory. 80  
Huge thanks to Zombies Run This Town, Laura, twilightromance4ever, Courtii, sheeiur22, motherduckatschool, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, peachykeenbean17, Beanie923, TeAroha and pure_ambition_writing ( you know the drill ) _

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_Why was she looking like that? Was that a line of sympathy? I remembered briefly when Jasper had told me he knew where Rosalie was, and I remembered being so shocked at his anger filled face.  
"Oh god, he's getting married, isn't he?"  
"No," she said, her head cocked to the side. "No, what?" _

_A feeling of relief floods through my system. "Why…why are you so…?" Why does she look like that, why has she got that look on her face. Don't look at me like that. I don't need your sympathy.  
"He…Bella sweetie, he isn't coming back." _

_And the world went black. _

_____________________________________________________________________

Do you know what it feels like to stop living?

I do.

Do you know what it feels like to have your whole world crashing down upon you?

I do.

Do you know what it feels like to finally, finally give up.

I do.

***

There's one thing in this world that I can't stand. It's when people try to pretend everything is fine when it so very clearly _isn't. _Why do they do it? Why do they hold you and laugh, smile lines etched into their marble faces, bright eyes carved on by an ancient expert.  
Why does the sun shine down when the world is in misery? Why does life just keep on _living? _It hurts and its ridiculous and I hate myself for thinking it but occasionally, very occasionally, you just have to get over it.

I'm just not sure if it'll kill me trying.

Alice bit down on her lower lip, seizing me up, examining my facial expression. She wouldn't find anything there, it was a complete blank. My eyes were probably screaming. A person can never hide emotion from the eyes. It's the window to the soul.  
"How do you know?" My voice came through surprisingly strong, fluid, understandable.  
"He…" She crossed her legs and turned her body ninety degrees, facing me. "Let me tell you a story. You'd like it; it's like the one you told me a few days ago. The 'Isabella Fairytale,'" She smiled, lost in thought.  
"Once upon a time…" She began. "A boy called Edward was unhappy with himself; he often caught himself blaming himself for things that weren't entirely his fault. He stuck a lot of blame on his shoulders and for that he became quite withdrawn. He watched his love-Isabella, spiral down into a mind-blowing depression. He, naturally, blamed himself for this and this made him frustrated. He watched his family fall to ruins before his eyes. He watched helplessly as one, two, three of his siblings left without so much as a backwards glance, without thinking, without caring. He heard what everybody was thinking; he caught the looks of anguish from his parents. He just felt so…helpless. He felt that he couldn't help; he couldn't do anything but watch the horrors that were unfolding. He let the pain come for him, search him out and hunt him down, hurt him and twist him. He welcomed the angry tears that slid mercilessly in his mind. He let the blame build.  
"Edward knew what Bella was thinking, he knew the self blame was also building in on her, crushing, immobilising her. He realised the pain she was going through and this would just not do. He tried, he yelled and he cried and he reasoned, he lied and he hoped and he put on a fake mask. But she was determined to not see the light, to stop blaming her self. She was determined to make him unhappy." I cringed internally as the last sentence sunk in.  
"Edward needed a way to make his future, his destiny, his love happy. He needed a way to repair the damage that he had foolishly thought was his. It wasn't an easy decision, but in his eyes, it was the right one. He ran away. Fore it was the only thing he had left. It was the only card he could play.  
"He didn't really run away, not in his eyes, not in his deranged state of mind. He would watch her, watching over her like a guardian angel. He would help her was it necessary, he would be her knight-in-shining-armour had the need arise. He would listen so very carefully for that one word when she was unconscious. _Edward, _she would call. It wasn't much, but it was enough, and it sent a glow of hope through his body, for the briefest of seconds illuminating a smile upon his face.  
"But the night she would stop twisting and turning, the night she would stop calling his name, was his downfall.  
"He became desperate, had she forgotten him? Had she moved on? Had she stopped needing him? He began to appear to her, he began to lead her, to show her the way. To aid her on the journey, the task of finding the Cullen's. He appeared as a flash, a reminder that her life had reason. His first appearance was the first day she left the house, it was a major achievement, it was something worth celebrating. It was the day she would find Jasper. He watched her tread carefully across the slippery ground, her greasy hair shining dully out to him. He could smell her scent wafting slowly across the yard and he had to grip onto his arms to stop himself from walking out. He counted the steps it took her to reach the big orange hulk-eight. He watched, breath held, as she turned around, giving up. Maybe another day, he thought, sighing.  
"Maybe.  
"He needed her to take the final step, he needed all those months to not be wasted, maybe if she found somebody, she would realise, she would realise that none of this was her fault, none of it. Was it not her that didn't even want the stupid party in the first place? And so he took a chance, for him it was huge, it was something that he will never regret. He showed himself. She saw nothing but a mere flash, a figment of her imagination, but they both knew, they both realised, that she was not alone in that field.  
"Jasper found him; he smelt him and sensed his worry and pain. They woke Bella up that night with their hushed conversations. He made Jasper promise, he made Jasper swear that he wouldn't tell Bella, he wouldn't wreck Bella's small bit of peace. You would later find this to be the evil vampire's excuse, the lead vampires excuse for saying Jasper had been lying.  
"He showed himself to Alice, he needed Alice to know that she was appreciated, that she had to look after his Bella. He hated that she felt so alone in this, that she felt she didn't quite belong.  
"Edward believes, somewhat foolishly, that the family is better off without him, that you're better off without him." Alice finished, her eyes wide.

I stared back, heart hammering. "Is…is he here?" I'm not sure if I wanted to know the answer.  
"Yes," she nodded. "He's always been here. He's always been watching over you."

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. _.Hell. _I swallowed sharply and opened my eyes.  
"Edward, I need you," I whispered. "Edward I need you and I love you." My voice cracked and I pulled my knees to my chest, into a tight ball. "Edward, I need you, _we _need you."

I half expected him to puff out of smoke before my eyes.

And then suddenly I knew, suddenly I realised and I wondered how I could have been so stupid, how I could have been so ignorant.

"Edward," I sighed. "Edward, I don't blame myself."

And just like that. _Just like that. _He was there, he was there and he was real and he was beautiful and I wondered briefly how I could be so lucky.

And just like that, I was in his arms and the world was complete.

And just like that, everything was fine.

.

Almost. All we had to do was return home to Esme and Carlisle.

_**END BOOK TWO**_


	25. XXIV

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_And then suddenly I knew, suddenly I realised and I wondered how I could have been so stupid, how I could have been so ignorant. _

"_Edward," I sighed. "Edward, I don't blame myself." _

_And just like that. Just like that. He was there, he was there and he was real and he was beautiful and I wondered briefly how I could be so lucky. _

_And just like that, I was in his arms and the world was complete. _

_And just like that, everything was fine. _

_. _

_Almost. All we had to do was return home to Esme and Carlisle. _

_____________________________________________________________________

_**FINAL BOOK **_

I held on till the phone rang itself out. "Answer!" I wanted to scream down the wire.  
I put the phone down dejectedly.  
"Sixth time lucky," Alice smiled. I internally groaned and dialled again.

"Hello?" His voice picked up mid-ring, almost breathlessly.  
I took a deep breath. "Hello."

***

"This time _don't _hang up," Emmett advised. I hung my head in shame. It was just to much, his weary, ancient voice, so sad.  
He didn't sound _depressed _as such, just sad, defeated. Like he had to weather on. Because he just didn't have any other choice.  
"Hello?" He answered again, his voice terrifying me. It was the worst pain in the world.

_I _had done this to him.

"I'm coming home," I whispered.  
"Okay." Carlisle said blankly.

***

Edward had his car with him, the precious Volvo never leaving his sight. That meant that we had two cars, as I had also taken the Chevy the day I entered the alley. The fateful day that would set our lives straight again. Edward volunteered, somewhat graciously, to take my beat up orange car home, letting Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper take his silver one. I rode shotgun along side the man that I vowed to spend eternity with.

It was almost sad saying goodbye to out disgusting hotel; it was full of the good times.

Like finding people.  
The laughs.  
The friendship made with Rosalie.  
Alice slowly returning to normal- although her memories still haunted her.  
Me seeing Jasper smile.  
Me and Jasper becoming close.  
Edward being there in general.  
Me spending twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with my new family.  
The hope.

It was also full of the bad times.

Like Alice collapsing.  
Me discovering Jaspers eyes.  
Rosalie screaming.  
Thinking Emmett was dead.  
Watching the happy couples and me being all alone.  
My nightmares.  
The pain.  
The angst.  
The tears.  
The fights.

And I realised as Jasper locked the door for the final time and Rosalie had returned her room key that the room was full of a very strong emotion.

Love.

***

We drove carelessly over a ditch in the road; I felt my body jolt upwards as I watched out the rear-vision mirror, smiling slightly at my family, the car trailing closely behind ours.  
As we neared Fork's I felt butterflies fill my stomach, I gripped Edwards hand firmly, we both took a breath together, holding on. And I almost knew that the others were doing the same.  
We silently passed the line into Forks.

I let out my breath.

We had done it, although at times it had seemed impossible, we had done the impossible and for that, for achieving what nobody else could manage to do, I felt the proudest in the world. At times, I admit, I gave up on myself, times when I cried myself to sleep, wanting it all to end. I won't lie, I lost belief in myself sometimes and there were countless times where I had doubts. It was a challenge finding the Cullen's, it was a challenge that not everybody would partake in. I left a lot of things to chance, so many things that could have gone wrong. I lost hope, I think we all did at times, feeling hopeless led me into dangerous territory. Had I changed as a person? Yes, I'd like to think so. I'd learnt a lot about my family, I'd learnt just how brave they were. And I learnt that if you give up on family, you give up on life itself.  
Would I do this again, had the need arise?

You bet your sweet ass I would.

_We were home. _

_____________________________________________________________________

_This is not the final chapter, although it may have-possibly-seemed like an ending. We still have to find us some Carlisle :)  
Please check out my other story, 'Silver Lining,' it would make my day :) _

_Thanks to everybody who reviewed: motherduckatschool, ILoveTwilightAlotGetOverIt, Zombie's Run This Town, xxniicoleexx, AdelleJessop, twilightromance4ever, sheeiur22, Courtii, TwilightNatty, becky-x-twilight-x, peachykeenbean17, LadySayuri612, bookworm1292, Laura 2468, yueyuuko, _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _ ( . instead of _ ) and pure_ambition_writing ( . instead of _ ) _

_Have a beautiful day :)_


	26. XXV

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_Had I changed as a person?  
Yes, I'd like to think so. I'd learnt a lot about my family, I'd learnt just how brave they were. And I learnt that if you give up on family, you give up on life itself.  
Would I do this again, had the need arise? _

_You bet your sweet ass I would. _

_We were home. _

_____________________________________________________________________

The loud knocking echoed into the room beyond, it was loud and obnoxious, it didn't seem to fit with such a deserted house, a house where memories plagued the hallways and photos of a past-life littered the walls.  
Yes. The Cullen's house was a changed building.

It had been decided that I would enter the house, confront the parents, find out just how bad things had turned out. It was sort of like a surprise party, in a sick, twisted way. I knew deep down that I shouldn't have to be doing this; I shouldn't have had to trek across the country-side looking for vampires. I shouldn't be in this position right now.  
But deep down I was proud, I was glad that finally, _finally, _I could fix this family, I could set things straight. I was proud of myself for what I had achieved, I guess in Rosalie's and Jasper's eyes I had gained some respect, I wasn't completely useless.

Maybe this all happened so I could find the true Bella. That sound's cliché and stupid, and I hate thinking it, but I did found out a bit about myself. I'm not as weak as I thought I was, I have determination and at times I felt almost…brave.

_I, Isabella Marie Swan, saved the Cullen family. _

I timidly tapped on the heavy door again, upon raising my fist, the door swang open, a Carlisle standing at the door.  
He carefully composed himself.  
"Would you like to come in?" He asked politely. I smiled; it was sunny today, in Forks.

It was going to be a good day.

I watched as the sun's rays danced off my father figure.  
"Pretty," I commented, inclining my head slightly to his arm. He smiled weakly, opening the door wider, allowing me to enter.

I'll never forget the moment I stepped through that door. A rush of emotions hit me, I almost staggered, the weight of them dragging me down. The house had an empty air to it, it was heavy and stifling. It didn't smell any different, nor did it look any different. Maybe that's why the impact was so large; it was so similar it hurt. It was just so…empty. Deserted. Sad.  
I swallowed, ignoring the rush of memories as I took another step.  
"How have you been?' I asked seriously, turning to face him. He looked pretty much the same, his blonde hair neat, perfect, clothes crease-free, yet his eyes held something more. Something darker, something ancient.  
He looked at me for a long time, I felt him thinking it through. "It's been hard," he finally decided, choosing his words carefully.

I knew what I had to do then, I knew that if I didn't do it now, this reunion wouldn't be complete.  
I had to find the mother of the family, because without a mother, it just wouldn't be complete.

I needed to get Esme.

"May I use your bathroom?" I asked, my eyes widened as I calculated the chance of him believing my feeble question.  
He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. Maybe he guessed my intentions, maybe he knew that it would be a failed mission. He motioned up the stairs, directing me to the toilet.

"Wait Bella." He stopped me as I began the climb. I turned to face him, my face closed, not revealing anything. "Charlie was at the hospital the other day, he's worried."

I nodded, slowly. Of course he was.

***

I turned left, in the correct direction, but stopped myself short. I knew this was the 'parents' room. I had never entered it but I had had it pointed out once or twice by Edward.  
Should I knock?  
She wouldn't answer it anyway.  
I pushed the door open gently, holding my breath. I had a feeling that this would be the hardest part of the entire journey. That the last leg, the easiest to find Cullen would break me. I would tumble and not recover.  
It was pitch black beyond, the blinds slammed shut, the lights switched firmly off.  
Slowly my eyes adjusted to the limited light and I could make out basic forms. Basic outlines of objects.  
There was a figure laying on the bed, I was only able to make out their shadow of a body.

It was Esme, she almost looked…peaceful.  
She didn't move when I softly padded across the thick comfortable carpet, my feet sinking in.

Who was this person?

I didn't know them.

She was lying flat on her back, he arms pressed against her sides.  
"Oh Esme," I sobbed, falling forward on my knees, my head resting upon my hands, almost as though I were praying.  
Her thin hand snaked towards me; it was the first sign of movement, it was comforting to realise this figure was not just a shell. She ran her fingers through my hair, a small sob escaped her lips and I saw her chest rise with a deep breath.  
"I promised myself that I would be strong."  
I looked at her, my eyes straining to peer through the darkness. Everybody was entitled to a nervous breakdown. If I had learnt nothing else, I had learnt that.

I got up and padded across to the blinds, I knew I had to let some fresh air in, that I needed to let the sunlight touch this horrifying room. I slid the blinds open with a flourish.  
"Look, the sun's shining!" Although the exclamation was half-hearted, I decided to continue with it. "Must have done something right today." I was really just delaying the moment that I would have to turn around, the moment that I would have to see how terrible this mother figure really looked.  
But it was something that I could put off no longer.

She looked…terrible. But no worse than expected, no worse than my imagination had pictured. Her hair was splayed all around her, twisted and knotted.  
Her skin looked _dead, _which I guess makes sense, but it was _horrible. _It gave the picture that it was sunken and sallow, huge purple rings underlining her eyes.  
Her mouth was set in a straight line. I guess it was an Esme-equivalent frown. Her eyebrows arched downwards.

And her eyes.

Those eyes.

They were beyond black, it's hard to describe them but I'll try. It was as though I was staring straight through them.  
They were the darkest thing I had ever seen, I could almost make out her pupil, paler than her irises.

Pure black.

She slowly sat up.

I nearly cried.

She was still one thousand times more beautiful than I would ever be.

_____________________________________________________________________

_If you read my story 'Silver Lining,' I will personally give you a lampshade.  
I realise that Esme's skin couldn't really have been sunken and sallow, but it was just an exaggeration of how bad she looked :S Also, is anybody else annoyed that spell-check thinks 'Esme' is spelt wrong? Am I possibly spelling it wrong?  
Thanks for reading and thanks to everybody who reviewed, you guys are awesome, definitely check them out :) _

_TwilightNatty, becky-x-twilight-x, Zombie's Run This Town (if you don't read this girl, you haven't experienced fanfic) motherduckatschool, yueyuuko, xxniicoleexx, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, twilightromance4ever, pure_ambition_writing (ahh, ditto) Courtii, peachykeenbean17, bookworm1292, sheeiur22, LadySayuri22, Laura 2468, MoonlitIvy, Simon's Bane, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x and _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _ ( this girl is also amazing :))  
_


	27. XXVI

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_And her eyes. _

_Those eyes. _

_They were beyond black, it's hard to describe them but I'll try. It was as though I was staring straight through them.  
They were the darkest thing I had ever seen, I could almost make out her pupil, paler than her irises. _

_Pure black. _

_She slowly sat up. _

_I nearly cried. _

_She was still one thousand times more beautiful than I would ever be. _

_____________________________________________________________________

"How long since you've eaten?" I gushed in horror. She shrugged.  
"The burning means I still feel something. It means that I'm not numb." My eyes widened in slight disbelief. How could a person this caring, this loving, this compassionate, be numb? How could somebody even half of Esme's stature think for one moment that they were numb?  
Did she not see? Did she not realise?

I frowned silently to myself. It was my belief that she had escaped life to _not _feel the pain. Surely somebody in her position would want to be numb, yet here she was, dreading the thought of losing her emotions.

I sighed and looked into the black abyss of her eyes. I was about to ask her the most important question of her life. I wasn't quite sure what I would do if she said no.  
I grabbed her hand, it was steady, but I had the feeling that had she been human, it would be shaking. "Will you come downstairs for a moment?"  
Her eyes started widening as she began to shake her head.  
"I _promise _you won't regret it." She continued to stare blindly at me. She just looked so helpless.  
"Please," I pleaded, my voice cracking with urgency. This had to work, she had to say yes. I had barely contemplated the thought of denial. What would happen if she didn't follow me? What would happen if she stayed in this dark room forever?

Our lives would end.

"Please," I tried again; my voice had well and truly lost it, shaking all over the place. She flinched away from the emotion in my words.

"Okay." She sighed.

***

As we walked down the wide sweeping stairs, taking one step at a time, I spied Carlisle.

He was sitting at the dining room table; the room was only ever used for family conferences. Only ever used for important reasons. I bet the wood would never live to see a moment as important as the one we were about to share again.  
The table-like most items in the Cullen's house-was large, expensive, spotless and beautiful. The deep mahogany gleamed with polish, the dark wood spreading out with its wide expanse. It was a perfect circle, an excellent size for the large family that was about to occupy it.  
Carlisle has his arms crossed atop the wood, his head in his hands. His shoulders were slumped.

He suddenly looked so old.

It scared me.

We reached the bottom of the perilous stairs. They had seemed immeasurably long; it had taken a lifetime to reach flat ground. Carlisle lifted his head from his arms, looking steadily at Esme, who _almost _seemed uncertain on her feet. I wondered when the last time Carlisle had actually made eye-contact with his wife was.  
I stepped back as he stood up, his arms reached out in one fluid moment and put them around Esme. He guided her as she leant her weight into him.

I smiled secretly.

_You've done this Bella. You've fixed things. _

I sat across from them, my arm stretched across the table, reaching for Esme's hand.

She gazed sadly down at it.

"I'm a terrible mother." She whispered glumly. A lump developed in my throat.  
"No you're not." I whispered, barely audible. But I knew that they could both hear me.  
"No, you're not a bad mother." I forcefully grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. "Because they all came back.  
"Every single one." I whispered, tears filling my eyes.

_They all came back. _

I think they call it Love.

I dropped Esme's hand as I heard a soft scuffling at the door. "Ma?" I heard somebody call, but I didn't turn to see who it was; instead I studied Carlisle's and Esme's expressions. Shock. Incredibility. Hope.  
"Esme!" I heard Alice call, running up to hug her parents. Rosalie had her arm wrapped around Emmett, carefully making her way to her 'parents.' Emmett was smiling down at his partner, his hand raking through her blonde locks. Jasper was behind the others, he was smiling slightly, but a state of shock was written on his face. I gathered he could feel the rush of emotions that the house provoked.  
Alice held Carlisle and Esme at arms length, scrutinizing their faces.

"You're happy," she finally decided, looking at Jasper for confirmation.

But you didn't need to be an empath to work that out. The joy was purely radiating from them.

***

I watched everybody, just looking at each other, taking everything in. Smiling and laughing and crying.

No words needed to be spoken. I knew that I had to give them some privacy, they deserved it. They needed it.  
I tried to sneak away, to leave the room without their knowledge.

Rosalie grabbed my hand, it took me by surprise. "You're part of this family too."

And I started crying all over again.

_____________________________________________________________________

_If it takes 1 ½ men 1 ½ days to dig 1 hole, how long would it take for 1 man to dig ½ a hole?  
Also, why did it take so long for 'your call-secondhand serenade' to come into my life? I stumbled upon it purely by accident when looking up 'Jane Doe.' _

_Hmm. Also, take my poll, it needs to be done for the chapter after next.  
AND. Thanks to a particular reviewer- you should know who you are, I am going to try my hand at Romantic. Your disappointment made me sad, so I trotted off with my sharpie and wrote us a brand new chapter :)  
AND. Checkus out my new story, 'silver lining.' Well it's not new, but yeah. _

_Thanks to the usual bunch :DD, emzigale07, pure_ambition_writing, Zombie's Run This Town, lamia-amo, TwilightNatty, twilightromance4ever, Courtii, sheeiur22, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, yueyuuko, becky-x-twilight-x, Laura 2468, angela2805, LadySayuri612, motherduckatschoo, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_l and, _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _, _


	28. XXVII

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_I watched everybody, just looking at each other, taking everything in. Smiling and laughing and crying. _

_No words needed to be spoken. I knew that I had to give them some privacy, they deserved it. They needed it.  
I tried to sneak away, to leave the room without their knowledge. _

_Rosalie grabbed my hand, it took me by surprise. "You're part of this family too." _

_And I started crying all over again. _

_____________________________________________________________________

It takes me a moment to realise that the room is missing a member. I give a little jolt.

Before all this happened my life seemed to revolve around him. I was conscious of his every move; I could pinpoint exactly where he was. I had memorized his time-table and fantasized about the afternoon that I would be able to spend with him.  
For so long I was certain, I was certain that my future was with him. For months I had successfully convinced myself that there was no other way.

Why was it that now I hardly noticed his absence? That now, when everything was finally perfect, I wasn't entirely convinced of my love for him? Why was it that I was content right here, watching this family smile and laugh, hug and cry, soaking in their fortune?

I wasn't.

I wasn't content watching this family smile and laugh and hug and cry. Something was different, and I respected that. I don't think anything would ever, truly return to normal. After all, we would never be able to get back those three months. The world doesn't work like that and sometimes, occasionally, we had to accept that.  
I know, for instance, that I had changed. I was more colder, less forgiving. Of course I was angry at Edward for leaving. I'm not sure if I had the _right _to be angry, but I was. If he hadn't of given up everything would be different.

But who knows? Maybe if he hadn't of left the Cullen's wouldn't have returned. Maybe I would still be sitting on my lounge, gazing forlornly out the window, wondering why it had to happen to me.

Self pity doesn't achieve anything. I've learnt that now.

I slipped quietly out of the room, I'm not entirely sure if anybody noticed me.  
I walked slowly, deliberating up the stairs. I could hear my heart beat and my lungs fill with the clean air.

I found him in his room; he had his back to the doorframe so I couldn't read his expression. I take a step in; there are odd pieces of paper spread out randomly on his lounge. It takes me a moment to realise that they are pictures, photographs. He holds one of them between his fingers.

I could make out the happy faces, beaming back at the lens. Laughing at something the photographer had said. It was pictures of his family. My family.  
They are taken in different time periods. The bright clothes of the 80's, the chic clothes of the 50's. It was odd to look at.  
I couldn't really imagine the Cullen family before I had met them. Although they had spent a life time and a half together, it was odd to imagine. Some photos were serious, the older ones, Carlisle and Esme gazing solemnly at the eye piece. Even Emmett was serious, his hands in his lap, his hair parted neatly.  
Two or three of the pictures were taken before Alice and Jasper had arrived on board. Even I could tell something was missing.

Edward was usually the photographer and in the few pictures that he did appear, I realised why. He looked so…lonely. Although he was surrounded by family, something was missing. Some ancient wishing was reflected in his eyes. I realised with a shock that the ancient wishing was now quenched. That I was the missing piece.

The photo he held in his hand was not that of the Cullen's, it was that of me and him. It was the first one I appeared in. It was the best one.  
I'm not saying that because _I _was in it, god no. It was more the look of pure bliss that appeared in Edward's expression.

He looked complete.

It might not have been much to anybody else, not even Edward himself. But somehow, it meant the world to me.

"Do you think that we'll ever be the same?" He asked, voice small in the abnormally large room. I had an odd moment when it felt like he was a little boy, seeming to shrink before my eyes. I felt as though I was his mother, I had to protect him from the horrifying truth.  
I blinked and the image disappeared, the normal Edward returning.

"Maybe it's a good thing that we've changed. Maybe it's for the best."  
He spun around. Did he not use similar words back in the clearing; the day he said he didn't love me?

"What do you mean?" He whispered.  
"Well, I know for one that I won't be taking family for granted anymore. I've learnt that you can't give up on the people you love. You give up on family you give up on life itself."  
His mouth opened once, twice and I realised for the first time that I was crying. The silent tears slipping down my cheeks and dropping to the floor, staining the carpet.  
"Bella."  
I blinked and wiped furiously at the tears. I didn't want to seem weak, not now.  
"Bella."  
"What?" I snapped, then threw a hand firmly to my mouth. "What?" I asked more politely.

"I missed you."

My lower lip wobbled and my brow creased, I could feel my face crumbling.

"I missed you to." I whispered back. It didn't come out right, it sort of gurgled in my throat and I wondered briefly if he could understand me.

"The others want us down stairs; they want to talk about what happened to them."

I sniffed. "Yeah, 'course." I carefully composed myself.  
"They can wait," he smiled, grabbing my face between his cool hands. He tilted it upwards until I was staring into his deep topaz eyes. My heart sped up as he bent his face in so we were level.

"Miss Isabella Swan?"  
"Yes?" I breathed.

"I love you."

Weird how that eight letter sentence, those three words could mean so much. That they could have so much emotion behind them.

"Mr Cullen, I do believe that I am the luckiest girl alive."

"What a foolish thing to think," he smiled, eyes wide before our lips connected.

It wasn't a kiss full of lust; it wasn't one of our usual kisses, where I attacked his lips. Wanting to go further but knowing he would stop me.  
It was a kiss that was full of apology, full of hope and lost time and fresh starts. It was full of love and sadness and joy all at the same time.  
I wrapped my arms around his neck and inhaled his scent. He was my oxygen, my life source. I closed my eyes, letting our lips fade from urgency to long and deep and passionate.

I felt him pull back and grab my hand, entwining our fingers. My hand tingled and my heart was out of control.

"Is this what love feels like?"

He looked at me.

Yes.

_____________________________________________________________________

_Wow. I suck, and feel extremely awkward. Ahaha. My friend-y is good at romance, I should probably have asked her :|  
I was listening to multiply versions of Hallelujah whilst writing this. That's a goooood song :))  
Thanks to everybody who review :): TwilightNatty, yueyuuko, pure_ambition_writing, Zombie's Run This Town, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, Laura 2468, becky-x-twilight-x, emzigale07, twilightromance4ever, sheeiur22, Courtii, motherduckatschool, LadySayuri612, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x _

_Next update probably won't be for a long time._


	29. Jasper's Story

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_______________________________________________________________________

_I wrapped my arms around his neck and inhaled his scent. He was my oxygen, my life source. I closed my eyes, letting our lips fade from urgency to long and deep and passionate. _

_I felt him pull back and grab my hand, entwining our fingers. My hand tingled and my heart was out of control. _

"_Is this what love feels like?" _

_He looked at me. _

_Yes. _

_____________________________________________________________________

We're all sitting around the large polished table. There's Carlisle, sitting at the head of the wood. If you can say there's a head to a circle. He's looking at his hands, a small frown carved into his fore head, he is completely still. Then there is Esme, she's on the right of Carlisle, her hand over her husbands, a huge smile spread on the lower half of her face. Her curls look alive as they bounce, her head looking around the room. Carlisle may be completely still, but Esme is opposite. She looks like she's having trouble keeping in the seat.  
Emmett is next to Esme, he's tapping a soft beat with his shoe, his head subconsciously bobbing along to the silent music. He's smiling slightly at Rosalie, but his eyes show a different story. I wonder why. Maybe he doesn't want to find out what had happened to everybody during those awful three months.  
Rosalie's in between Emmett and Alice. No emotion is written anywhere, she's completely still except for a slight breeze blowing through the open rooms, rustling her hair. I wonder if she'll tell Emmett about her near wedding. I wonder what he would make of that.  
Then there's Alice. She's not quite back to normal. She smiles and she laughs, she's happy and the light is almost completely back in her eyes, but she's still not…the same. It's the way she holds herself; she seems a bit self conscious, a bit too careful.  
Jasper is, naturally, next to Alice. He's like Rosalie in the sense that he isn't smiling. He never seemed to smile before and I guess that never changed. I guess he's happy. I mean, surely you'd _have _to be happy. He got his family back. One of his hands is covering Alice's; the other is below the table.  
I'm next. I can't stop fidgeting. I'm like Esme, but I'm not squirming with happiness, I'm squirming with nerves. Maybe I don't want to know what had happened to these people. I wanted to run and make excuses to leave, but I was afraid I was too late. What if they cried? What was I meant to do then? What if they continued to blame themselves? My god, what if they _congratulated _me. I didn't want that. I didn't deserve it, I hadn't done anything special. All I'd done was the same thing that anybody else would have done in my position. Brought them back.  
Edward's in between Carlisle and me. He's either good at hiding his nerves or he hasn't got violent butterflies in his stomach like me. His face is calm, cool and controlled. He isn't a statue, but he isn't expressing emotion. I can't read the inside of his mind. I can't see past the mask he has put on, and I wonder briefly if that was intentional. His ankle is lightly grazing mine, it's cold but I don't move. I look down at the polished table, my pale face gleaming back. I swallow the bile and nerves that raise up my throat.

My god I want to leave. I want the waiting to be over.

It seems like a century later that Jasper clears his throat. Why am I nervous? It feels like I can't breathe properly, my chest constricted. I gasp silently for air. I notice Esme's hand tighten slightly on Carlisles. I realise that maybe she is a little nervous after all.

"I'm going to talk about party to present. You may not like some of the stuff I say. You may not agree with my opinions and choices. I'm going to tell the truth and this might frighten us all, but some stupid feeling in me tells me that if I don't tell the truth, if we don't all tell the truth, then we've broken this family. That nothing will be able to repair us. And I don't want that." Jasper stops talking and swallows deeply. "I was the first Bella found, so I'll go first I guess."

I slowly count to ten in my mind, ignoring the wild thumping of my heart.

"Okay. Bella was holding the present in her hands, I remember looking at the silver wrapping. Why do we have wrapping paper? We all find out what's under the paper in the end. It seems like such a waste of paper, such a waste of time. The box is wrapped perfectly; of course it was Alice who did it. The human is blushing slightly and I have to advert my gaze. How can Edward stand it? How can he continue to be put through such scarily dangerous situations? How can he keep his control? She looks over the box a few times, tossing it twice in her hands. Is she trying to guess what the wrapping contains? I look back at her face; her lips are parted slightly in concentration. My eyes narrow as I watch her attempt to unwrap the present, her fingers are fumbling clumsily around the gift-wrap.  
"I almost smile at the human-ness about her.  
"Almost.  
"I watch as she tears a finger along the spine of the box, a triumphant gleam about her. I can feel the emotions washing off her. She's angry at getting a present yet excited at the same time. She's nervous and happy, a little paranoid and slightly embarrassed. She's…  
"I hear her heart stop as she rips back her finger, a miniscule drop of blood on the tip.

"And that's all it takes.

"The fire explodes powerfully in my throat; I feel my useless lungs fill with her scent, drowning myself. A small war is raging in my chest, a fire that isn't going to be extinguished easily.  
"That's my last sane thought. A thought about a fire and a war and a catastrophe. I guess that pretty much sums me up. A blackness begins to fill my body, from the heart, spreading outwards as I leap towards her. All family ties forgotten.

"I am a predator and she is my prey."

Edward looks up sharply but Jasper shrugs. "I said I was going to be honest."

I didn't think he'd be _that _honest.

"I slam into Edward," he continues. "Why is he standing there? Does he not realise he's in my way? A growl erupts from my fire-filled chest. This seems to anger the red-haired vampire; he sends me a look with his eyes that I will never, ever forget. It was a look of pure hatred.  
"The fire in my throat is killing me slowly. I need this human. I need her now. I snap at her, reaching my teeth around Edward's arm.  
"Almost.  
"Nearly.

"And then I am being dragged away, strong arms wrapping around my waist. Pulling me. Pulling me away from my prey.  
"I growl at these arms. What do they think they're doing?

"And then I am staring at my prey and I realise that it isn't my prey at all. It's Bella. The human who was trying to have a party. It's Bella. My sister. It's Bella. The one I almost killed.  
"I see the look of fear in her eyes; something hits me harder than her beautiful smell erupting from the glass slivers that are wedged crudely in her arm. It's an emotion that I can't quite place. Regret?  
"I let Emmett drag me as I slump down. I let his strong arms guide me. Why did nobody else get impacted?  
"Why am I so weak?

"I see the blame in Alice's eyes. Oh god Jasper, what have you done? I see the hurt in her eyes.

"And I run. I ran out of my brother's grasp. I run and run, refusing to think. I stop only when the realisation of what I have just done becomes too much. Squashing my shoulders, causing a weight that is impossible to support.  
"And I fall, I am vaguely aware of somebody calling my name, the sound carrying wearingly thin through the cloudy night. But I am too much of a coward to face their furious wrath. I am too much of a coward to call back.

"So I do the only thing I'm good at.

"I disappear."

"You didn't have to disappear," Alice whispers slowly, she's looking down at the table, avoiding Jaspers gaze. A lump develops in my throat and my tear ducts start working over-time. I swallow roughly, not letting the moisture spill over my lids.  
"I'm sorry." Jasper whispers, his mouth is turned down at the corners and I sigh.  
"I went looking for you, you know. I really did try to find you." Alice pulls her hand off her husbands, collecting the small hands in her lap.

"I know." Jasper said. "I saw you."

His voice is barely audible and I look away. This is beyond awful. This is out of control.

"I'm watching the rock I just kicked skid across the ground, smashing and splintering along the paved stone. I remember envying the stone. I'm envying its simple life.  
"It could never hurt its family.  
"It didn't have a family.  
"I can feel the pain radiating off her and it hurts because I also feel the hope. The hope that I'm about to squash. I want her to give up. I will her to return home and forget about me.  
"I retreat to the rooftops, the tiles are falling apart and I have to catch one before it smashes to the ground. She can't know that I'm here. Not yet.  
"I watch her walk around, silently calling my name. She's whispering '_Jasper, Jasper,' _over and over again. It hurts but it sounds half-hearted. I know that my baby has given up.

"I really wanted to go up to you. You have no idea how badly I had to fight the urges to run up and wrap my arms around you. Probably the hardest thing I have ever had to resist. I needed you to know that I was there. Maybe it was weak, what I did. Maybe it was better that you thought I had left. Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did."

Alice's hand twitches as it tightens into a ball, concealing something.

"I pulled off my wedding band. It slid scarily easily off my finger. Was it meant to be? "I'm sorry my beautiful angel," I breathe onto the golden ring before I toss it down to the ground, letting it roll near her feet.  
"I watch for a moment as she bends over, picking up the glinting metal that for decades had bind us together, had been proof of our everlasting love. I feel the thrill of hope coarse through her body, but by the time she has looked up at my hiding spot I am long gone."

Alice opens her small palm and I notice the same wedding ring sitting in a neat circle in the centre. Jasper looks at it for a moment; his lower lip seems to portray him for a moment as it shakes. I notice him swallow deeply as he holds his left hand out. Alice silently slides the ring on his fourth finger. Everything is silent, I feel as though I should look away. Nobody is smiling and nobody is crying and I have the compulsive need to start clapping.

"How did you find the other group of vampires, the ones you were with that day in the alley, the day I found you?" The silence was unbearable, I wanted –needed, him to begin to talk again. He keeps examining the rich ring on his finger. At first I thought, stupidly, that he hadn't heard me but then he took a breath.

"I'd been watching them for days; I'd watch them kill humans carelessly. Chucking away the bodies without a second thought. I hated them yet I wanted them.  
"That simple life.  
"But I'd made the conscious decision that I would never eat another human again. Not after Bella. I _promised _myself that."

I tried to not look up into his crimson eyes. I knew it was rude; it would be like pointing out his mistakes. I really wanted to not look pointedly into his eyes, but I had to sneak a glance. He's watching his hands twist around each other, but I don't really think he's taking any notice. He seems far away, as though reliving the day.

"I watch the leader," he continues. "Everybody appears to respect him. I wonder why? He's not a good man; his eyes are proof of that.  
"I watch as he stops walking. He's a few steps in front of the others, posture perfect. A smug look clouds his face. He turns slowly to whisper something to his companions. The friends-followers, smirk.  
"And I know.  
"I need them." Jaspers shoulders slump, like a weight has dropped onto them. His eyes are wide and staring, I'm not sure if he realises where he is. If he realises that he's safe now.

"I jump down from the ledge that I am cautiously perched upon; I land gracefully near a blonde-haired vampire. I seemed to startle the youngest one.  
"So young…what would make a person change somebody so young? What kind of sick, twisted soul ends a life that young? His red eyes anger me.  
"What am I doing? There's no turning back.  
"I look around the circle of startled eyes. "Hi," I nod towards them, holding out my ring-less hand to shake the leader's hand. They smile at my odd eyes.  
"And I almost feel ashamed about them, I feel as though I am not a true vampire. That I am weak.  
"It's the saddest feeling in the world to realise that you've been living a lie. I've been lying to myself.  
"I am not a good vampire.  
"I am not strong enough.  
"The vampire shakes my hand. "Welcome aboard.""

Jasper drops his hands in his lap and looks up at us, searching our faces around the sturdy table. "I suppose you're wondering…well I suppose you're wondering why…my eyes…" He trailed off.

I knew that the girl's name was Clara. She was around fourteen and her mother was abusive. Other than that she was just another life. Just another soul.

"Clara," his voice wobbled slightly, but he continued on. "An angel in the truest form. My little saviour. She saved me from myself.  
"I was standing outside her window, the group was whispering encouragement from somewhere behind me. They were murmuring dreams of rich blood, flowing smoothly down my throat, whispering ideas of the first human in decades. They showed me dreams of a life of humans. At the time, I was blind, I let them guide me. They assured me that I wouldn't regret it.  
"They were wrong. I will regret it. I'll regret it for as long as I live.  
"I stand there all night, watching her getting yelled at. Her arrogant mother is slamming doors in her face; she's screaming through the wood, curses fly from the mother's mouth. Clara stands still, head hung. Every word looks like a beating, lashing against her frail body, but she still doesn't move. I think I would prefer it if the young girl screamed back, the sudden helplessness is excruciating.  
"I look on as Clara sobs into her pillow; it hits something powerful inside of me.

"My heart."

Jaspers brow furrows slightly as he continues on. "I gave a last, fleeting glance at the pack before sliding the cramped window open. I watch as the girl resurfaces silently from her dreams. She has deep brown eyes; it's a relief to see something that isn't bright red, that isn't touched with evil. She looks so…innocent. "Hello," I probe gently, standing at the end of her single bed. She stifles a yawn, staring at the odd stranger in her room.  
"I suppose she should be scared. It's late-pitch black outside, there's nobody to come running for her screams. An odd man with no immediate entrance standing before her. "I'm Jasper," I smile, holding out my hand."

Rosalie's eyes look up slowly. "Did she know that you were a vampire?"

I guess it was the question we all wanted to ask. I honestly wasn't sure if he would have told the truth, I mean, surely seconds before the attack she would have known something was wrong, something dangerous was happening. We all look at Jasper; my ears feel as though a thousand watts are running through them.

"Yes." Jasper murmurs. I'm not sure what I wanted the answer to be. Maybe I wanted the poor girl to pop up behind a pot plant. I didn't want Jasper to have to live with another death.

"She was…laughing. She had an odd laugh; it was so different to what you'd expect to come out. It was deep and rough, a hacking kind of snort. She always blushed bright red when she snorted and I always had to look away. That blush was…horrifyingly tempting. She calms down and whispers something that I don't want to hear. She whispers something that will haunt me for eternity. "Thankyou." That single word, how I wished she would take it back. She noticed my eyes widen. "What for?" I had asked, mortified. "For being my best friend," she smiles, extending her hand out, so as I could grab it.  
"I stare down at the thin fingers, then slowly hold my arm out to the light. "See these shadows, here?" I ask, pointing to my scars. She focuses on the area I am pointing, peering closely. "What happened?" She gasped. Although all she could really see were thousands of slightly raised lines.  
"I frown, looking away into the distance. "How much do you like horror stories?" I ask."

Emmett looks like he's about to say something, but Alice beats him to it. "And did she like horror stories?" Her voice is small, almost mocking.

"She did." Jasper sighs.

"I don't visit her for a week. I'm scared of her reaction. She hadn't said anything whilst I was talking; I guess she thought I was joking. At first I thought she was angry, angry that I would mock her like that. Then I thought perhaps she thought I was telling the story just for her amusement, but I think, deep down, she knew I was telling the truth. I mean, there was clearly something wrong with me.  
"She had interrupted once, "You're to young to be married." I had given her a sarcastic look. "I'm 166 years old." I'm still not sure if that was the right reply. "But I'm not sure if I'm still married." I continued, stating it as though I was commenting on the weather. "Why?" she had asked.  
"I didn't miss a beat. "Because I kind of ruined my family.""

Jasper takes a breath and I realise then that he is crying. Not real crying, he has too much pride for that. But he can't control the shaking of the breath he takes in. It seems to linger in the air.

"And then I killed her." He states. I close my eyes. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear the story.

Maybe _I _don't like horror stories.

"I stand at her window and wait for her to walk over. Her brown eyes are full of tears and I note the bruises. Her mother must have been on one of her screaming rampages. I don't know why she does it, maybe alcohol. I don't understand why Clara has to cop it all. She deserves better than that. Everybody does.  
"She unlocks the window with her left hand; she examines me standing out in the snow.

"I think she realises. But it's too late.

"Her mother has hit her with something, a smashed wine bottle perhaps.

"All I know is that she's bleeding when she opens that window.

"And her scent comes gushing out." Jasper looks at me and I feel myself flinch back slightly. "There was nobody to stop me that night; there was nobody to pull me back."

The atmosphere is very sombre. As though somebody has thrown a thick blanket of memories over us. Blankets are supposed to be comforting and warm, not suffocating and painful like this one.  
"I hesitated that night. She could have been a vampire if I had the courage to stop myself. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to wreck her…innocence. Innocence isn't the right word. Her…love. Her love of life. I didn't want to wreck that.  
"She was always so brave, braver than I would ever be. She took whatever life threw at her; she turned it into an adventure.  
"The tribe of vampires watched all this happen; they stood cowardly in the shadows. I felt sick at their whispers of appreciation. "Don't you know?" I had wanted to yell at them. "A girl just lost her life! My best friend who trusted me had just died! All because of me!"  
"But I didn't yell. I didn't do anything, just stood there. Numb." Jasper groaned, putting his head in his hands in frustration. I felt a little of his pain, I thought it was perhaps his power, manipulating the feelings around him.

"I tried to leave the group," Jasper says, voice muffled in his hands. "I wanted to go back, I truly did, but a certain newspaper clipping stopped me." He lifts his head up and stares meaningfully at Rosalie; to my surprise she gives a little nod. "That clipping meant all hope was lost, we were well and truly broken. I looked down at the small black font in disbelief, anger coursing through me. It was pure chance that I saw the newspaper article lying dejectedly among the cobblestones. I crumpled the paper slightly by accident, but the image was still printed in my mind.

"_**Wedding Announcements  
**__**Joshua Hernandez, son of Peter Hernandez and  
Michelle-Jane Hernandez, announced his wedding  
to Miss Rosalie Hale, daughter of Robert Hale (dec'd.)  
and Sara Hale (dec'd.)  
Ceremony to take place at Lacey Park, December 19**__**th, **__**  
1 pm. All friend's and family invited.  
Congratulations!**_"

"I stuffed the clipping back in my faded jean pocket. For later, when I felt I needed to cheer myself up by knowing I wasn't the only person who had stuffed up."

My eyes slid up to Emmett's. His right hand was clenched into a tight fist and his left fingers were carving a design forcefully, crudely into the table. Other than that he hadn't moved at all, his posture was slightly forced but no emotion shone through his face. I admired him for that, he was going to be patient and wait until it was Rosalie's turn to speak, he was going to wait to find out the full story.

"I didn't get involved with their human…agreements. I tried to distance myself from the group. I tried to make it work, everything was a partial blur. I began to lose myself and my hope during that month; I began to lose fragments of my sanity. I began to lose myself and my family. I think I'll just skip to when Bella found me; I think that would be easier.  
"I was standing in the alley, watching them, my eyes boring into their eyes. My eyes would have been red with or without Clara. They would have been red with hate.  
"I'm different to my family, I always have been. I don't particularly _disagree _with the killing of humans; it's just our kind's way of living. I'm not with the Cullen's because I want to be there, although, now of course I do want to be here. It's more the fact that I feel I have to be here, I need to be here with Alice, I need to be here because I don't think I could ever go back to my old way of life. And if I left this family, I wouldn't have the strength or courage to stick to the vegetarian diet.  
"I stand watching the stranger approach us; he has a sleazy smile, eyeing the girls. He becomes uneasy when he notices me and Michael. I feel his discomfort and can almost hear his brain ticking. _Turn around. _But it's too late.  
"He's on the ground before I can blink. He's crowded, outnumbered. I cast my eyes upon him, an unexpected feeling of hate shoots through me.  
"This man isn't a particularly good man; he's lived for two decades at least. Why should he live and Clara not? Where is the justice in that?  
"I'm glaring at him when an unexpected sound makes my ears shoot up. Somebodies behind me. I can smell them.  
"And I can feel their pure joy. How could somebody feel such an emotion? It doesn't fit in this world.  
"And then something subconsciously clicks, fitting into place. Not to long ago I had smelt the same blood. Not to long ago I had watched that same blood be shed. Not to long ago I had tried to end this humans life.  
"And right now I feel as close to joy as possible. I watch in disgust as the foul man on the ground pleads with her. _Turn around, save me. _I hear her take a cautious step, her feet sliding uncertainly on the stones, but still I do not turn. I hear her heart beat begin to quicken as she reaches me. I feel her hot hand in my cold one. "Jasper?" she asks. I turn, my eyes wide as I take in the deep brown eyes, flaw-filled skin, brunette hair. It is a sight that I did not think I would ever see again, it is a sight that I have been dreaming and hoping of. It is a sight that I do not deserve. "Bella." I smile.  
"My family.  
"I turn to leave; I think I had made my mind up long ago. I did not belong with this stupid group, I had caused enough pain, I had ruined enough futures. I turn to leave this terrible period in my life. I turn to leave the darkness. I hear the man on the ground whimper, pushing his jacket further into the ground, trying to shield himself from the immortal beings.  
"My brow furrows. "Let him go," I whisper. I do not like this man. But nobody deserves to die. Clara has taught me that."

Alice looks up; her body is slightly angled away from Jaspers. "And that's it?"

He looks at her. "And that's it."

I stopped picking at a loose thread from my hem and look up at him. "You're very brave." I whispered it, not caring if he understood me or not.

He looked at me and swallowed. "Thankyou, thankyou for saving my family."

My eyes widen and I look down at the table. "Thankyou for letting me help."

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________

_Sigh. This shabam took forever, and wasn't spectacular either. : (  
Please review though. They are my awesome. _

_Are you proud of how long this was though? Huh, huh?_

_A massive huge thanks to: TwilightNatty, Zombie's Run This Town, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, bookworm1292, motherduckatschool, Kadilac99, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x, sheeiur22, pure_ambition_writing, peachykeenbean17, twilightromance4ever, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, ShanteRenee (Plus 27 :)) Laura 2468, _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _, yueyuuko, LadySayuri612, HaPpY bUnNy Is NoT aN eMo, firemaster101, annnd Courtii :)) _

_Have a beautiful day :D_


	30. Rosalie's Story

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

_**Important A/N:**__ The middle section of this chapter makes no sense, and I realise this. I tried to fix it but it just didn't work. I can't do Rosalie's character justice, this was just my way of writing her, and, sadly, none of the sentences she says make sense. Some parts may have to be read twice : | _

_A/N: Before you read this horrible, late excuse for a chapter I need to do a massive shoutie. You all need shoutie's, but this author is somewhat spectacular. 'Zombie's Run This Town' is amazing and graphitizes her profile for me. Go to her page now and read her story 'Where The Wild Things Are,' because it truly is something special. :) _

_._

I look up at Rosalie expectantly; her eyes are cast down towards the table, her top teeth biting her bottom lip whilst her left hand is paused midair. She refuses to look up and I hate her for it. _Don't back out now, _I warn her in my mind.  
Emmett taps her slightly on the back and smiles softly. "It's okay," he whispers.  
Rosalie shakes her head slightly and pulls her arms in around herself, protecting her body from the outside world. Taking a slight breath her mouth opens. "I was the next one that Bella found."

I look across the wide expanse of the table to Rosalie, our eyes meet for a moment before she looks away. I blush slightly. Her eyes are laden with guilt and self-hate and horror. But in her eyes I see something that I need, I see something that makes my heart soar and my pain rise off. In her eyes I see a simple word. The word would probably never be said aloud; it would probably never be acknowledged. The word would never be uttered.

In her eyes I saw a simple word.

_Thankyou. _

Her eyes are now focussed on the table, the black pupils boring holes into the wood. "I didn't want to have the stupid party, I didn't want my family to get together and celebrate the life of a human. Why should we be expected to laugh and joke and smile about a human living another year, turning another age, when we, ourselves, would never experience that? Why did we have to celebrate something as stupid and commercial as a birthday? Better yet, why did we have to go out of our way to get the human presents and decorations and food, why did Emmett have to drag me back from _our _honey-moon just for this stupid, insignificant human?"

I flinched. She wasn't holding back and I respected her for that, but a little subtleness would have been appreciated.

"She's looking at the perfectly wrapped presents. The first one's empty, already torn out and being placed in her car. I smile slightly at her puzzled face. Imagining that there really was nothing in the box, that we really didn't get her anything. She noticed my smile and I look away, I can't give her that satisfaction." Rosalie looks up and deliberately grins at me.  
"And then she's suddenly holding her finger and the world is moving a million miles an hour. The scent hits me like a brick wall and I feel myself actually stumble back a few steps. I immediately stop breathing but the damage has already been done. Her blood feels like it is swimming around in my mouth, I can taste it and smell it as it overwhelms my senses. It's in my mouth yet I can't swallow it. It's _right there _yet I can not have it. So close yet it will never be mine. The next thing that happens involves Edward, for a split second he seems to pause, he seems in shock. I can see an internal battle going on inside of him. How easily he could end her life right now, how easily she could be his, well and truly. Love is a funny thing. It can stop you dead in your tracks at the most desperate, the most dangerous of times.  
"And then suddenly Jasper appears out of no where and the delicious smell of Bella disappears, I actually feel my stomach spin around at the horror of eating her. How could I have been so focussed on her? How could we all have forgotten about Jasper?  
"Edward plants himself in front of Bella, acting as a weary barrier from the dangerous missile heading their way. A missile, causing havoc in his path. A missile, causing havoc in his path yet not knowing any wrong. That pretty much sums up the attitude of a vampire once they have lost control.  
"I watch as Jasper slams into Edward, it took a whole second for him to reach the bleeding human, but that was enough for the rest of us to start moving, to start functioning and stirring and thinking. Out of the corner of my eye Esme raises a hand to her mouth; and if possible, she turns extremely pale. Alice's eyes are squeezed shut and I briefly hate her for it, how could she be blocking out this? Blocking out something so terrifyingly horrible. You can almost see Carlisle's brain ticking as he tries to think of solutions, already thinking ahead of the problem. Emmett's behind me somewhere; I can hear him moving around. None of us are really helping, shock registering on everybody's faces. I think deep down we all realise that this is Edward's fight.  
"I can't bring myself to look at Bella. I don't want the last image of her face to be that of horror, to be that of blame and hate. Instead I focus my energy on Jasper. I will him in my mind to stop, to stop and think. What is it that humans do when they're trying to calm down? Take a breath and count to ten? Count to ten Jasper, count to ten and then open your eyes. See where you are, see your family and see the human whose life you want to drain. Count to ten Jasper, count to ten and then make up your mind. Do you want to wreck this family?"

Jasper looks up sharply, as do I. What did she mean by those words? Was she blaming him? Could she possibly be blaming him? Rosalie keeps her head down, continuing on.

"And then Carlisle is shouting something near my ear and Jasper's growling stops as Emmett wraps his sturdy arms around him, dragging him away. Jasper blinks once and suddenly flops down, looking defeated. I glance around the room, Esme's still in shock, her hand smothering her mouth. Alice is staring at Jasper, her eyes never leaving his face. She looks…confused. She looks…in pain. As though she already knows her husbands next move. It's as though she _knows _Jasper's leaving. As though she made his mind up for him."  
Rosalie looks up at Jasper; I see her give a shrug. "And then my brother left."

A lump develops in my throat as I swallow back, there's so much blame going around this table, there is so much pain and hurt and I hate it and I want it gone. But feelings as deep as these don't disappear over night, they take months and months, years even, and even one look of pain, one word said unwisely, one upturned nose, one blaming glance can bring all those emotions back. Feelings as horrifying as these don't disappear overnight; they don't ever really go away, not truly.

Rosalie frowns slightly. "Home was…home was…home was like a nightmare when Jasper left. It was like one of those dreams where everything is there, everything is normal, but something is…missing. You can sense that something is wrong, that something is not quite right. Your eyes never seem to be able to open wide enough, or the whole dream is in black and white. Normally this would just be a minor setback, I mean, you can still see where you're going, you can still see what is happening. But the blunt black and white, the fuzziness is just so…terrifying. You know you're missing something, you know that something completely evil is happening, yet you are not able to find it.  
"I knew that my family was breaking, I knew this and I could sense it, yet there was nothing I could do, there was nothing that could be done to fix this. I knew that something completely horrifying was happening, but I couldn't find the solutions. I guess I knew there was a hole in the family, but I couldn't find the leak to shove the plug. I had the resources to fix the problem, but I didn't know where to start."

Edward shifts slightly next to me and I look up at him, he sees me looking and smiles gently down. He grabs my hand and squeezes it.

"I'm sitting on the leather couch, my legs are crossed. It's one of those days where the atmosphere just feels so lonely. It's as though a gush of wind has come, blowing away all the good times. Who would have thought that without Jasper life would have seemed so dull? Who would have guessed that he was such a major part in the family? I stare at a small ant trying to climb up the wall, its little body no match for the fearsome plaster that it threatens to overcome. I watch the small black insect feel its way up, antennas itching.  
"Bella is somewhere behind me, I can smell her scent gushing towards me as a slight breeze rushes through the house. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, I don't move, I'm not at all tempted, just the mere thought of finishing the job that Jasper failed at makes my stomach turn. I look up at the fire place as I begin to hear Alice storming around. She never makes an appearance anymore; she's confined herself to her and Jaspers bedroom. The door closed. It is not often that she makes her presence recognized, and the way she was banging doors, stomping on the floor, chucking things around, gave the impression that she was not happy. I mean, that was a stupid thing to say, of _course_ she wasn't happy.  
"The ant takes a small step, gaining momentum. I wonder briefly how on earth it got into the house; surely Esme would be keeping it spotless. This worries me, mess was a sign that Esme was not coping well. I hold my breath as the ant makes a wrong move, sliding down the wall, continuing its journey along the ground. It looks so fragile; I could so easily reach out and kill it, the merest pressure of my finger smashing it into oblivion. But why would I want to kill something just for fun? That's sadistic, that's stupid. That's wrong." Rosalie looks up at me, I see her eyes widen. "You can't kill something just because it isn't as strong as you, you can't kill something just because you're jealous, just because you want to be it. You can't end a life. It doesn't achieve anything in the end. Killing a human won't make _me _human. Ending Bella's life wouldn't make me feel better. Hating Bella won't make me anymore superior."

Rosalie shifts her gaze to Alice. Alice looks back for a split-second before turning her gaze to her lap, subconsciously twiddling her fingers.  
"Alice was the next to leave. I'm watching the insignificant ant; it has fallen off the wall, now it marches purposefully across the carpet. I've always associated ants with marching. I guess it's because of the heavy black armour they wear, or the proud way they hold themselves. I need to stop sidetracking. Alice was the next to leave, I heard her door slam open and her foot steps fill the hall way. How could somebody so small make so much noise? She jumps down the stairs to a steady beat, her angry movements filling the empty house. I feel Bella's posture stiffen from somewhere behind me as Alice appears. I turn in my seat.  
"Alice's eyes are filled with a form of hatred, I tense, knowing that I may have to save this stupid, ungrateful human from my sister's wrath. The black-haired pixie makes her way over to Bella, her finger outstretched. 'You!' She screeches, stabbing Bella in the chest with her fingernail. 'You ruined my life, you wrecked my family!' Bella was shaking all over, shock written across her face as she stared into Alice's eyes. I was pretty shocked myself, it was just so…un-Alice. 'I _hate _you.' Alice whispered into Bella's face. I stood up, my ears ringing with the last three words Alice uttered before leaving the family.  
"I hate myself _so much _for envying her. I wished I had the strength to leave, I wished I had to strength to look for this family, to glue them back together. I wished I was in a movie, that the credits would begin to role and everybody would go back to living their normal lives. I wished that I could just walk out on this family, like Alice and Jasper. I truly hated myself for wanting that, I hated myself for even beginning to imagine a life without Emmett. Emmett was the one that tied me down here, he was my oxygen and life-support, he was the one that I could always turn to. He always had a couple of smiles to spare.  
"But not lately, lately he had to use all his emotional energy on himself. We couldn't afford to part with some of our sympathy; we needed it all for ourselves."

Rosalie smiled up at Carlisle, who looked warily back. "And then I struck the brilliant idea. _Bring this family back. _I mean, if I could do that, if I had the strength to leave and find Alice, and find Jasper then maybe I would be worshipped like a hero, maybe I would be accepted into the Cullen's as somebody who cared, somebody who had a heart. Maybe finally I wouldn't be thought of as a stupid, lying, worthless brat. Maybe I would finally be recognized as a half-decent being. Maybe finally you would see that I _do _care, that I love this family, maybe then you would realise that I would do anything for you all." Rosalie swallowed sharply. "Maybe if I could attempt to save the family, I wouldn't be invisible."

Edward looked up sharply, his brow furrowed. I looked down at the table, my heart thudding powerfully. Alice reached her hand out, grabbing Rosalie's. Jasper looked away into the opposite direction. Carlisle ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up slightly. Esme put her head in her hands. And Emmett, Emmett did nothing at all. Just sat there, looking at his wife's face, concentrating on what she was saying.

"Maybe if I could attempt to save the family, you guys would love me." Rosalie held up a hand to silence us. "I don't want to hear it."

"I'm sorry," Alice whispered, gazing fearfully at Rosalie. The blonde vampire just nodded.

"And so I thought, this is my one perfect opportunity to gain their respect, this is my chance to show them how much they mean to me, this is my one and only chance to prove myself. I had foolish images of me marching across the countryside, collecting Alice and Jasper, skipping them home. I could picture the happy reunion, everybody crowding around me, laughing and smiling. I could picture the gratitude and the thanks. I could imagine how happy I would make the family; I could already imagine how proud they would be of me. Because for the first time in my life, I wouldn't be the selfish one, I wouldn't be considered the ungrateful brat who only wants the one thing she can't have. I will no longer be the weak link, the one who's left out. I would no longer be the ungrateful cow that only brings people down. I would be accepted, I would be loved. Best of all, I would make people _proud. _  
"The idea was simple, leave the house, collect Jasper and Alice, go back home, celebrate. And 'They lived Happily Ever After'. Sure, there may be some minor setbacks, such as me not being able to find them, them being unwilling to come home, somebody convincing me not to go. I'd work through them; it would all work out in the end. But it was when I was offered the one thing that I could never resist, the one thing that kept me hoping and wishing. When I was offered the chance of a life-time I turned into a coward. I'd like to think of myself as strong, I'd like to think that I have the power to resist. I'd been thinking a lie. When I was offered the unforgettable opportunity, I grabbed it with both hands; I turned my back on my family without a second glance. Because for the first time in my life, I could have been normal. I was offered humanity. I was offered the chance to at least pretend I was a human."

Rosalie looks up around the table, her eyes pause on Carlisle's. "Please realise that I'm not proud of what I did, if I could go back and change certain things, I would. If I could erase what I did, I'd do it in a heat beat. But we all make mistakes, right? Right? We're allowed to slip up occasionally. As much as we'd like to think that we're perfect, as much as we'd like to think that we're superheros, we're not. We aren't human, but we were once. And some qualities never die. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I'm not proud of it, but we're allowed to slip up. We grow from our experiences."

"Why did you leave that note? The one telling us that you'd run away, that made us believe you'd given up on us?" Esme's voice was confused. Rosalie smiled sadly.  
"That was another big mistake. I'd like to say that I didn't want to raise your hopes, I mean, what if I wasn't able to find them? What if something happened to me along the way? I didn't want to get you all worked up for nothing.  
"But that's not the reason I wrote the note. I wrote the note because I wanted to leave you with the false impression that I was leaving for my own selfish reasons. I wanted you to believe that I was just being my usual ungrateful self. I wanted you to believe that I was walking out on you all, so when I returned with your family members you would be extra proud of me. You would be extra happy. It would be like a beautiful surprise."

The blonde vampire looked down at the table, her curls swinging around her shoulders twice. "But things didn't go according to plan." She takes a deep breath. "You were all out hunting, I made sure of that. I scratched a quick note, leaving it in easy reach. '_Family,  
I have decided that I need to be on my own for a while. They're some things I need to figure out. Alone.  
Please do not come after me.  
Rosalie.'  
_"I took one last, fleeting glance around the house before leaving. Little did I know that it would be four-or-so months until I would patrol the familiar halls. It would be over a quarter of a year before I would be able to run my toes across the soft carpet, I would be able to complain to Alice about her dress, it would be months before I would hear Edwards piano flowing up towards my room. It would be a long while yet until I would be able to laugh at Jaspers pathetic jokes. It would be far too long until I would get to hunt with Carlisle or groan at Esme's cleaning. It would seem like a century until I would see Emmett again.  
"I took the car. I've always enjoyed driving; it's my secret get away. Letting the miles flash by, endless greenery, thousands of people zooming away into the distance. It's calming, it gives you time to think. By god I thought a lot during that trip. Not only did I think about where I should drive, where I should begin my search, I thought about little trivial things. My mind wandered. At times I even forgot what I was doing, why I was there, what I was. It's not often that my mind can forget what I am, what kind of beast lurks beneath me. I began to question what an apple tasted like; I wondered what it felt like to slip into a warm bath. I wondered what it would feel like to graze your knee. I began to question what it felt like to breathe in a lungful of fresh air for a purpose, what it felt like to have warm blood flowing through my veins. Mostly I tried to remember what it felt like to cry, to drink the clear water. I wondered what it felt like to kiss your child's hurts better. What did it feel like to hold your own child, never wanting to let go? I questioned what it felt like to celebrate a child's birthday, watching your kid graduate, get married. I wondered what it felt like to be hurt; I tried to remember what sleeping was like. A few times I caught myself wondering what it felt like to dream. On that road-trip I began to question myself. What was it like being human? Would I really sacrifice my life, my family, my immortality to be a small, insignificant human?  
"I couldn't answer that at the time, but I can now. No, I don't think I could give all that up."

Rosalie looked up at Emmett.

"And then I met Joshua Hernandez."

A sharp intake of breath erupted all around me. It was just another human, just another human that had ventured into our lives. It was just another human that had left a fresh, open wound in our hearts. _Clara, Josh. _Just another name. Just another person who had broken our lives.  
"Joshua was a human who… showed me things that I thought I could have. He showed me the life of a human; he showed me that there was a way to normalness. He proved that I could be what I want. He showed me things that I believed I could be. I believed that I could be human, I believed, foolishly, that I could be normal.  
"I met him at a party, some drunken, stupid riot that some stupid, drunken humans had invited me to. It was dangerous of me to go, to socialize so closely to these humans. I was sitting in a park, watching all the happy families surround me. How I envied them. How I wanted to be the mother watching her child play in the sand, how I wanted to be the sister who was hitting her brother playfully. How badly I wanted to be one of the mothers wheeling their babies around in prams. I even envied the homeless man, lurking in the shadows. He didn't realise it, but the inhumanly beautiful blonde model would have traded everything she had to be in his position. She would give up everything just to be him for a day, for a minute. He didn't realise it, but he was the luckiest man in the world.  
"The park was swarming with dirty-faced children, lazy teenagers, stressed parents. It looked chaotic. The screams of babies and hungry birds, the laughter of sixteen-year-olds trying to impress boys, the groans of tired thirty-year-olds chasing their daughters and sons. _Don't take that for granted, _I warned the mothers in my head. Why could these people not realise how fortunate they were? What gave them the right to grumble and moan about the issues in their lives?"

I looked at Rosalie, my head cocked to the side. Did she not realise that she had everything? She had a beautiful, loving family, she had money and looks. Hell, she was immortal. If there was a way, if there was possibly a way, I would switch positions with her. I would trade my mortality.

"It was while I was sitting in this park that I was approached by four girls. They huddled together, as though they were magnets. They introduced themselves with a breezy attitude, enthusiasm that had me raising my eyebrows. Summer, Bree, Tiarn, Bianca. One of the many faces that would march into my life over the next three months.  
"They took me shopping and to parties. They showed me to disgusting men and whispered secrets to me about slutty girls. They took me under their wing. To them, I was just another human. To them, I was one hundred percent normal. To them, I was a lie.  
"I rented a place. It was almost as though I was living a new life, this was a new me. It was almost as though my past life, my life with the Cullen's was just a story, just a dream. I almost convinced myself that the Cullen's weren't real. I forgot about all the hassles back at home, I forgot about all the problems and emotions and tears. I forgot about why I was truly on this trip. To me, it was a party, and damn right I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.  
"I was careful though, I declined invitations to the beach. I didn't let them touch me or take me out into the sun. I refused to go out to lunch with the humans, I never ate near them. I tried to keep my eye-colour as constant as possible. I never shook their hands, in case I slipped, in case I smashed their bones to a million pieces. I designated time to 'sleep.' I walked slowly, on a few occasions I even pretended to trip. I drove slowly, painfully slowly around them. If any of the humans started bleeding, cut themselves by accident, I immediately made an excuse. I left the room, I ran.  
"But still, my head was up in the clouds, I took massive risks to let those humans get so close to me. I realise now that what I had done was stupid, it seems to immature and dangerous now I think about it. But back then, nothing was running through my mind. Nothing. I wanted them, I needed them. I had them. They were my connection to a world of normal.  
"And then, as all good stories have, a complication arised. It was in the form of an ordinary male who didn't have a clue about his new…girlfriend. He was about to marry the woman of his dreams. He was about to spend his life with the girl he was deeply in love with." Rosalie shifted in her chair to face Emmett; she grabbed his hands, holding on tightly.

"His name was Joshua Hernandez. I met him at one of those stupid, arrogant, drunk parties that I attended. I had left the dance-floor and the ear-piercing, floor vibrating music that drilled itself into my mind. I avoided the tipsy teenagers with suspicious drinks in their hands; I stepped casually over the vomit whilst averting my gaze from the sleazy man thrusting his dance moves across the room. I wanted to leave the horrible party. God, I wanted to leave that stupid area, I wanted to come home. I wanted Emmett. I wanted to run to him and tell him how badly I had stuffed up. I wanted to run home and I wanted Alice and Jasper to be magically there and everybody would be happy and all would be forgiven. I wanted there to be a 'happy ending' in my life, but deep down, deep down I didn't think my life would ever have a fairytale ending.  
"I found a spare chair in a dark corner, the flashing neon lights, smoke machines, tooth rattling music and the sickly scent of alcohol and sweat didn't reach this certain corner, and I was relieved. There was a man taking up the other chair, but other than that this corner was secret, secluded. It was a haven.  
"The man was staring into a nearly-empty glass, his eyes were sad and his shoulders were slumped. His lips were moving slowly as he murmured to himself. 'Are you okay?' I had asked, although I didn't really care. I had my own problems to take care of; I had my own issues that I had to deal with. 'My dad's dying,' he answered, voice small.  
"Dying. It's such a human thing. They all fear it, they all hate the prospect of death, they think that they're strong enough to overcome it. Humans test their luck; they run over the line, seeing how long they can stay alive for. Bungy-jumping, sky-diving, mountain climbing, drag racing. They do it for thrills; they want a brush with death. They want adrenaline coursing through their veins. Dying. I was dying once, a long time ago. I was dying on a cold, unimportant path, surrounded by my own blood as I watched the life ebb away from my veins. My human family, my real parents, they would have been dying once. Before they died, they were dying. Humans are all dying slowly, one minute, one hour, one more day; you're closer to your death-date. What's that quote humans are always saying? _Live life like there's no tomorrow. _  
"A person dies every 1.8 seconds. One person every 1.8 seconds. One person who had a family, loved ones, one person who loves and breathes and laughs, a person who has dreams and hopes. A person who feels hurt, pain, anger, grief, love, happiness, hope. A person filled with a million memories and thoughts. Every 1.8 seconds a family loses a wife, a husband, a daughter or son, a grandparent or grandchild, an aunt or uncle, a cousin or friend, a boss or a teacher. Every 1.8 seconds a lifetime of memories dies.  
"But you know what? Every 1.8 seconds seven people are born. And you know what? That's gotta count for something."

Rosalie looks up at Emmett and she shuffles slightly closer to him. Their hands entwined. "And so I comforted this soul, this mysterious man who wasn't out their dancing with the rest of the drunk, immature teenagers. This man who had real life issues and problems. This boy whose father was dying.  
"We left the party, I had had enough. It seemed as though my friends had forgotten about me, to preoccupied to bother saying goodbye, to preoccupied to try to talk to me or get to know me. To preoccupied to care."

Rosalie shifts even closer to Emmett and I know that the big finale is coming soon. She stares into his eyes, her brow is furrowed, her hands grip tightly onto his, she never moves her gaze, she never blinks.

"Joshua's car had broken down, and so I sat with him in the rain as we waited for the tow truck. Thunder crashed around us, smashing the world into oblivion. Lightening brightened the world for a fraction of a second before casting us back into darkness. Josh shook with the cold as he told me fragments of his story. His story. We all have a story, we all have our moments. We all have our stories to tell.  
"From what I could work out, Joshua left home at an early age, he had some sort of disagreement with his parents. Only recently had he begun to start talking to them again, he was trying to make up for lost time. I guess it came as somewhat of a shock to find out his father was in hospital. He wanted to make his parents proud of him; I guess we were similar in that respect. He wanted his father to be there when he got married, he wanted his father to watch him as he got bound lawfully to the woman he loved. He wanted his father to see that Josh was happy. He wanted to make his father proud."

Rosalie slid back a few centimetres from Emmett, her hand loosening the vice-like grip for a moment. She stared determinedly into his face. "I was the one who could fulfil Joshua's want." I held my breath as I waited for Emmett to understand what she meant.  
He looked bluntly back.

"I was the one who could help Josh finally be at peace, I was the one who could help Josh's need to let his father attend his wedding come true. I… I offered to be his wife."

Emmett's expression didn't change; he stared into Rosalie's face. He was a statue.

"I wasn't thinking… I saw it as an opportunity to live a normal life; I saw it as an opportunity to pretend I was human. I didn't think of the consequences or implications. I didn't think…I didn't…" Rosalie was talking a million miles an hour, trying to think of excuses. Emmett had still not made any attempt to move. "We had the wedding almost immediately, Mr Hernandez's health was deteriorating. I had my human…friends help me organize the dress, the arrangements, the venue."

Emmett's jaw juts out a little, but other than that he does not move. He does not speak. He does not acknowledge anything.

"Emmett…I'm really, _really _truly sorry. Baby, I know that…I know that I stuffed up. I didn't love him, an hour before I was set to walk down the aisle I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I saw the creature staring back, her eyes were not living. Her eyes were full of regret and hate and sorrow. She was dead inside, I wasn't…thinking at all."

Emmett still didn't move.

"Emmett, please. I can't really explain it, my excuses are pathetic. I just…wasn't thinking. That's all there is to it. Emmett I am so, so sorry, with all my heart I love you and…_please…"  
_"Why?" Emmett asks simply, finally. He drops her hand. It is almost like their grasp breaks in slow motion. I watch his fingers draw themselves away from her grip, I watch as her hand drops with a dull thunk down by her side. Hollow and dejected.

Rosalie shrugs, trying to re-connect their hands. Emmett shakes his head and moves further away, shuffling away from her.  
"Why?" He asks again.

She sighs. "Because I'm an asshole, because I'm a complete backstabbing…"

Emmett frowns. "_Why?_" He presses.

Rosalie swallows, her eyes wide. "I don't know."

I stare at her, I had almost forgotten about the whole family crowded around this table, it was as though I was witnessing a movie. A tragic movie.

Emmett nods slowly, he breathes in, sucking on his bottom lip. "Okay."

"Okay?' She asks slowly.

"Okay." He confirms, a small smile breaking out on his face. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Okay," Rosalie smiles slowly, her eyes alight.

_Thankyou. _

Emmett grabs her hand again, admiring their joined palms. He adds the last sentence, unable to help himself. "A human? That's tough competition."

Rosalie slaps him playfully and I laugh.

_Thankyou. _

______________________________________________________________________ _

_I know. It didn't work out. And I'm frustrated and proofing this I nearly killed the computer.  
Epic Fail: Chapter 30, AWOO _

_Thankyou if you read this, and thankyou to everybody who reviewed. I love them, they are my shine :) _

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_Have a beautiful day :)_


	31. Alice's Story

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

Alice looks up suddenly, her eyes are wide, her face mirrors that of mine. Memories.

And I sat there, and I thought to myself. I thought, maybe Alice's story was the most painful. It's not like there was a competition, a sick, morbid competition to prove who had the most pain, hurt, loss. But I thought to myself, had there been a competition, Alice would have won. Hands down.

Her eyes weren't red like Jaspers; she didn't have the shadow of a human's wedding ring on her finger. But she had her past and she had her memories. And memories, they can be the worst disease in the world.

I watch as my pixie sister takes a breath, steadying herself. "Bella found me next." She looks across at me, her eye contact never wavering. "If Bella didn't fall over me, if she wasn't so damn determined, I don't think I'd be here today. And I mean that in the literalist way possible. I was sick at myself, my family, my weakness. I just felt so…powerless; I hated what had happened, what I had become. I was filled with a blackness, a black, thick sludge that filled every pore, every area of my body. The blackness choked me; it dried up everything good about me. I looked in the mirror and I saw somebody ugly, I saw somebody tired and defeated. I saw somebody who was not me. This girl, this girl was not me. This girl had no hope. This girl, this black shell that I had succumbed to, did not give a damn. The blackness oozed over my heart, filled my lungs, left me gasping for air. I hated myself."

Alice smiles softly, her eyes brightening. "And then some stupid, ridiculous, clumsy human managed to trip over my shoe. And that stupid, ridiculous, clumsy human managed to turn the sun back on in my life. That stupid, ridiculous, clumsy human managed to rid my body of the blackness. She managed to mend me, to heal me. She showed me that yes; this time there'd be a happy ending. This time we'd be invincible."

Alice's smile fades and her eyes cloud over again. I realise that she isn't quite…here; she isn't mentally sitting with us at this table. Inside, in her mind, she's re-visiting those three months; she's living in the past and in her memories. She wants to tell us her story, and by doing that, she has to re-live the horrors. I watch as she takes a breath. I swallow loudly, swallowing the lump of tears that threaten to rise. I clench my fist by my side, I focus on anything but the words that are about to erupt from the black-haired vampire sitting close to me.

"So, Jasper left. It was because of me, because of that stupid party that I so incessantly insisted on. I wouldn't back down; I was stubborn, foolish, selfish. I wouldn't let Bella have it her way; I _had _to have the stupid, commercial party. I had to have everything perfect.  
"I was so excited, I was like a little girl, it was like I was five and it was Christmas Eve. God, how much excitement went into those decorations, how much fun I had dreaming of presents and cake. Hell, if we were having a party, why not make it good? I was determined for this to be a success, I wanted Bella to have fun, after all, this party _was _for her. I remember instructing my family members, smile, be polite, have fun. I remember grabbing Jasper's cool hand as Bella walked through the door. I smiled up at him before going to greet her.  
"Everything was _perfect; _it was like a breath-taking movie. Everything was wonderful, everybody was enjoying themselves." Alice looks up suddenly, smiling brightly at Jasper.  
"You were right," she whispered. "Nothing is ever perfect, nothing is ever as it seems." She adjusts her wedding ring. "Bella slipped, I don't know, maybe she was trying to open the wrapping without tearing the paper, maybe she was just trying to see what was in the package. It's not important, the blood is what's important, the single drop of crimson blood that lay delicately on her fingertip. The single drop of thick, deep-red liquid that signified a teardrop in our family. A horrifying teardrop."

I subconsciously covered my hands, sitting on them. I could almost feel my delicate flow of life running itself through my veins, under the thin skin that protected me.

"Straight away I knew, I turned my face to Jasper's, I examined him at a distance, like a scientist might examine his work. In front of me I didn't see the man I had married, I didn't even see the man he used to be, in his army. In front of me I saw the confused man I found in Philadelphia. In front of me I saw someone who was confused, somebody who didn't know how to react. For the briefest of seconds I saw pure horror written upon his face." Alice looks up, smiling softly at Jasper, she squeezes his hand. "And then the animal took over.  
"I turned away; I couldn't bear to watch what was happening in the very same room as me. I blocked all my senses, refusing to breathe in. I heard snarling, snapping, scratching, but I did not look. How could I? How could I be expected to watch my husband kill my sister? It was…inhumane. It was unnatural.  
"Instead I examined the far wall, my shoes, the pure golden clock, the soft, thick carpet. I examined everything that I shouldn't have. I turned my back. It was as though I was under a spell, unable to look, yet unable to focus on anything else.  
"I heard the snapping cease, heard Emmett stepping in, I watched as they carted Jasper away. I watched, my gaze level, our eyes met."

Alice shifts again, facing her body towards Jasper's. "The blame in my eyes? The blame you saw? That was blame for myself, if we hadn't of had the stupid party, if I hadn't of insisted so ridiculously. If I actually stopped and thought, if I actually listened to you about how dangerous this was, then none of this would ever have happened. Everything would be fine, would be normal."

I felt my mouth open, words spilling out like lava. "But I think this has dragged us all closer together, if not you, at least me, at least I got the chance to understand you all better. At least I got the chance to prove to you all that I'm not just some weak human, not some small girl who has come in to wreck your lives. I think that maybe, all this has dragged us closer together." I got off my hands and Alice nodded.

"Maybe that's true, but those three months, they were…a nightmare. I can't sleep, I can't have dreams or nightmares, but I imagine that that is _exactly _what they resemble.

"So, Jasper left, I watched his back, his posture dragging along the ground. _It's okay, _I whispered towards him in my mind, I tried to reach out to grab him, to touch his shoulder and let him know it was alright. But my arm, it just wouldn't cooperate.  
"And so I watched him, I watched him march out on me. My last glimpse of him a flash of blonde hair, a flash that I would keep in my memories, a flash that would keep my hope burning throughout the cold, murmurless nights.  
"He didn't come back, nobody went looking for him. Carlisle told us not to, I guess he thought it was Jasper's choice if he wanted to leave. I kept waiting for him to pop up at my window, I kept waiting for him to come knocking on the door. The knocking never came, Jasper never came back. Maybe deep down I knew that he wouldn't be returning. In my heart, I knew he had given up on himself.

"I began to get…angry. Angry at my family for not doing anything, angry at Bella for cutting herself, angry at Jasper for leaving me. Most of all I was angry at myself, angry at myself for throwing the stupid party, for not chasing after Jasper, for not telling him that everything was alright. I was infuriated at myself, but I wouldn't admit it. Instead I blamed other people; I took the easy, selfish way out.  
"I blamed Bella. I blamed her because it was the easy thing to do, the sensible, logical thing to do. What was this useless human doing here? How could she dare show her face? How could she be laughing down there, how could anybody be laughing? The more excuses I came up with, the more I hated her, the more my anger grew. And in my deluded state I found that really, I honestly wanted her dead."

My head snaps up as I look at Alice, my eyes are wide, my mouth open, horrified. My heart starts beating loudly. _Would she really have done that? Did she truly contemplate my death?  
_Alice doesn't look up at me; she refuses to meet my eye contact.

"But killing Bella wouldn't have brought Jasper back, it certainly wouldn't have helped piece this family back together. As Rosalie said, taking a life won't make _my _life any better; it won't make me proud or happy. It wouldn't achieve anything.  
"I'm not proud of the way I acted that day, if I could go back, I would. I'd like to apologize to you, Bella. I'm sorry I cast you in blame, I'm sorry I left you with my blame and hate. I shouldn't have run like that, I shouldn't have tried to add drama; I shouldn't have tried to prove my distaste. I'm sorry I yelled and I'm sorry I blamed you. What I'm trying to say, Bella, is," Alice looks up at me, her eyes not trailing. I begin to blush. "What I'm trying to say is _thankyou. _Thankyou for not giving up on me, thanks for bringing us back." Alice beams, I see a light turn on in her eyes, I see her inner-being light up. I smile back at her, my cheeks flaming.

"I was pent up with so much hate, I was in a state of hopelessness, I was lost and confused. And so I ran. Without Jasper my life lost meaning, that's cliché and awful, but it's true. I didn't know what to do with myself; I didn't know how to act or what to say to people. I retreated away from civilisation, from my family.  
"I remember storming down the stairs, I had had enough, I saw Bella. I saw her standing in my living room; I saw her and my anger exploded. I lost control, I screamed and cursed before running, leaving. I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't.  
"Not once did I contemplate returning, not once did it even cross my mind. I guess I was stupid in that way, I had absolutely no hope of finding Jasper if he didn't want to be found, I had no hope at all. I should have returned, maybe I would have been happier. But I didn't return and so we'll never know what could have happened. I took my car, I didn't even say _goodbye _to anyone, that's how deliriously angry I was.  
"At first I tried to follow his scent, but it had trailed away, long gone. I was stupid and foolish. I stumbled through nameless streets, travelled down deserted, plain roads searching for the man I loved. It was like a nightmare, nothing truly in focus as I ran. I was running towards Jasper, but I was also running away from home. I was stupid in that respect.  
"I don't how long I had spent away, a week? A year? An hour? Time lost its meaning; time lost all essence of reality. It could have been a month or a week, a day or a thousand years from the day that I had left home, that I had run away from home. But through the hundreds of black, blurry days, one stands out. It was the day that I convinced myself that I had found him, that I had found Jasper. It was the day that for a few minutes at least, I let my hope grow. I was among the cobblestones. The wind was blowing in a slightly westerly direction. His scent was thick on my nose. If he wasn't here anymore, it can't have been many minutes since when he last was. I could smell Jasper, he had been around this little lane, he had stood in this lane himself only but a few minutes ago.  
"I could sense him, smell him. It was like Christmas, a Birthday, Philidelphia all over again. He was here, I convinced myself of that. _'Jasper?' _I called out, my voice small. How long had it been since I had last spoken? When was it that I had finally given up calling his name, over and over again? My voice was ancient, small, weary. I called out again, my hands raking the stone floor, my eyes raking the rooftops around me.  
"My breathing was out of control, my heart, if possible, would have been leaping out of my chest. _'Jasper? Jasper!' _I called again. There was no reply; there was no moment of pure joy. Was he hiding? Did he not realise I was here? Had he left long ago? Was I dreaming?  
"I called one final time, but my heart just wasn't in it. I heard a clink of metal against the stones near my right foot. I bent down. A lump already developing in my throat, invisible tears trying to form, to clot themselves in my eyes. Down by my feet, seemingly insignificant against the endless grey, was a golden ring. A golden ring that for decades had adorned Jasper's finger.  
"I kneeled down, picking it up. It was cold among my fingertips. I clenched my fist around it. What did this mean? Did he not want…us to be…together anymore? Was he giving up? Did he want to break me? I looked up, my eyes scanning the horizon. I glanced around. He was gone, in presence and in my heart.  
"I remember looking up and thinking: _'Why?' _Why now? Why me? What had we done wrong? And I remember thinking to myself, _'this is it Alice, you've been abandoned again. And this time, this time there's no recovery.'_"

Alice looks up at Jasper, her eyes huge in her face. Jasper seems to shrink back a little. "Do you know what it feels like to lose the one you love? Do you know what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest? Do you know what it feels like to know that there is no cure to this horrible, painful, excruciating hurt that you feel? Do you know what it feels like to lose everything you have lived for, everything that you've so carefully grown to love, grown to take for granted? Do you know what it feels like to be stripped bare of everything, every single _fucking _thing you've ever believed in?"  
Alice looks up at Jasper, he doesn't blink, he doesn't move. He gazes levelly back. "Yes," he answers. "Yes I do."

Alice looks down, her hands drooped down by her side, she nods slowly.

"I put the ring in my pocket; I felt it burning itself into my skin, leaving an inerasable mark. I refused to let the pure gold band touch my hand, I refused to slip it onto my finger, I refused to look at it. But never once did I ever take my own ring off.  
"The last thing I ever remember was standing on a hill. It was steep, allowing me access to gaze across the country side. The wind was whipping my hair around, ruffling my dirty clothes. I was poor, no money at all, a slight burning itched the back of my throat, warning me that I needed to eat; I stood on that hill with my arms spread out. I breathed in the cool air. It was dusk, the fireflies licking my skin. I tossed my head back and I remembered thinking: _'I am free.' _And I remember wanting to stay in that position forever, never wanting to let go. And that slight burn of hope was the last thing I ever felt, ever remembered, before the blackness set in."

Alice looks up and smiles gracefully. "My story isn't as interesting, I'm afraid. I didn't join a new coven or get married. I didn't roam the country or change the world. I didn't even bring the family back together. My story is…hard to explain, hell, _I _can't understand it myself, how am I supposed to explain it to you?

"I slipped into a state of…dreams. They weren't so much dreams as flashes. They…they showed me things, they showed me future events. It was…in third person, as though I was in the room yet I was not partaking in the show. These… let's call them 'dreams.' These dreams showed me things that I couldn't have. They showed me possibilities and chances. These dreams broke me.  
"I think I was in a barn, a distant, abandoned barn. I was curled into a ball, shuddering, my body enveloped by hay. I would watch these future memories. Most of them were unrelated; they showed me dreams of other people, people I had never met before. I was conscious, I'm a vampire, it's not really an option. But I wasn't taking in my surroundings. These…dreams were my escape, they let me forget about the horrors back home, they let me have a moment, just a glimpse, of a better life.  
"And then the blackness grew thicker, I became almost like an addict, an addict to these dreams. The blackness grabbed me and took a firm hold, refusing to let go. And I watched from a distance as my world crumbled.  
"As the dreams became more frequent, I began to see…things. I began to see pictures of my family."

Alice closes her eyes and grows perfectly still, her hand comes up to her face and she begins to talk again. "There was a…fire. And then Bella, she was running down an…alley. Something was…chasing her, she was screaming but it wasn't a scream of pure terror, she was…happy. She had…achieved something. She was running _with _somebody, but I was never able to see who that _somebody _was, they were always just off screen. And I felt myself running along side of them, and I was asking Bella what was wrong…but…but they couldn't see me, it was as though I wasn't there.  
"And then it flashed to Edward, he was in a forest…listening. He was listening to something, and that something was extremely important. He was straining his hearing, I asked him what he wanted, what he needed. He looked…at me, he knew I was with him, he realised I was in the dream with him but…and then it disappeared and…and then it showed me a pitch black room. There was a presence in the room, Esme. Esme was lying down, motionless. I went over to touch her arm, to see if she was real. But when I…when I touched her, her skin burnt me and I…and I screamed. And suddenly there was a fire, and Bella. And Bella was running down the alley with that _somebody _and…and I asked them questions but they continued to ignore me, I knew they couldn't hear me. And then…Edward was there and… and the dreams just kept repeating themselves, over and over again."

The little pixie looks up at Rosalie. "My dreams changed one day, they became clearer, they became more like my visions. They became of _you. _  
"You were in a white dress, walking down an aisle, everything was quiet, muffled kind of. And I saw your face, but it wasn't your face I saw, it was mine. And I remember screaming, because suddenly the scenario changed and I was standing in my white clothes, white just like your dress, and a group of people were standing over me, screaming. My head was shaved, branded. And I remember the awful, continuous greyness, absorbing everything colourful into it. Even the light was a form of grey. And I remember these humans yelling at me and I realised, I realised that I was _human. _These dreams, they had taken me back to when I was human, to when I was in that asylum. And these humans, these authorities, they were yelling at me, they were saying '_don't let these dreams control you.' _  
"And I screamed at them, I yelled louder than possible, I yelled into the blackness, I ripped at my sanity. I screamed. I screamed until my lungs burst.  
"And suddenly, just like that, a patch of light appeared. A patch of light that began to grow, began to spread its wings and take off. The light conquered the blackness, it forced the dreams away. And I realised, those dreams, they weren't dreams…they weren't a break from the awful half-existence that I had succumbed to. These dreams, I think they call them nightmares.

"I remember opening my eyes, probably for the first time in months. And I remember my vision soaking in the sun, soaking in life. I guess that was the main reason I decided to run from the barn, to maybe salvage a little of life."

Emmett looks puzzled. "So you just…dreamt for months?"  
"I don't know," Alice whispers. "I don't understand it. It was more a state of mind. It's…unexplainable." She smiles sadly.

"And so I ran, the first place my legs took me was a street, a busy street. Maybe I wanted to know that there was a sense of normalness in the world. Maybe I just wanted to see some faces, to have a sense of security…"  
"Weren't you hungry?" Emmett butts in. Alice rolls her eyes, looking at me warily.  
"I…I ate on the way. Do you want me to list a menu? Do you want me to list the colour of the flowers on the roadside, or the exact tinge of green the leaves on the trees were? Three elk, a slight shade of yellow with a little colouring of red, three shades off an emerald-silver, there were exactly four, white, sheep-like clouds in the sky. Traffic was high; people were everywhere and for the first time in months I could take in my surroundings.

"I don't know why exactly, or how exactly, I found myself on that street. Maybe a little psychic-ness played a part. I'm not sure, maybe it's all destiny. But I found my way on that road, on that street, and for reasons that I have no control over, reasons I didn't even know existed, Bella found herself on that road also.  
"And by some pure feat of chance she ended up falling over my shoe. And for some reason that I don't, and probably will never, understand, she took the guts and the courage to chase me down those roads until I gave up. When we had all given up in a pit of despair, Bella was still charging on, being the saviour. And for that, Bella, I am eternally grateful."

I beam, I feel slightly proud of myself.

"I was rude to you, Bella, and I'm sorry for that. I was angry at myself, and that let me lash out on other people. Those nightmares drained me; they took away my hope, life, courage. Thankyou Bella, for everything."

I blush, looking down at my hands.

_You're welcome. _

______________________________________________________________________ _

_This story was nominated for Best OC at The Moonlight Awards. Vote for me? Please? Please? _

_I had to pump this out in two days, because I realised I had been neglecting you. Alice's story was a kafuffle. Ohmygod, that's actually a word! Thankyou spell-check!  
It wasn't meant to make any sense, so if you didn't understand it, that's fine. I'm thinking of doing Esme's story in diary entries-yes? No? _

_Thankyou to everybody who reviewed, I love you all :) – Refinnej111, LadySayuri612, emzigale07, blackandivorykeys, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x, LKDunck3, peachykeenbean17, ShanteRenee, Devarios, twilightromance4ever, IChimpz, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, sheeiur22, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, yueyuuko, motherduckatschool, Zombie's Run This Town, pure_ambition_writing and the awesomely talented TwilightNatty, the extremely supportive Laura 2468 and the amazing _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _ _

_Thankyou to Courtii for letting me vent my anger at her :) _

_Have a beautiful day, please review :)_


	32. Emmett's Story

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

"Do you believe in second chances?" Emmett addresses the room. I look up at him in surprise, surprised that he would be willing to tell his story so readily, so quickly. I watch as he considers his own question.  
"I think we do, I mean, we all get a second chance, right? We all have the right to a second chance. But I used to think, I used to think that I'd already used up my second chance. I mean, I was saved from death once, saved from a man-crushing bear. I thought that when that blonde angel came for me, when Rosalie saved me, well, well I guess I thought _that _was my second chance. Another go at life. Although it wasn't the same life I had been living before, it was good enough; I was happy, grateful, proud. I was fine with what I was. Being a vampire has its pros and its cons. I'm not _proud _of what I am, I'm not proud of the savages that serve as my race, but I _am _proud of what I've achieved. I'm proud of the control that my family and I have maintained.  
"And that's got to account for something, right?"

Emmett stares around the room, his eyes linger on Jaspers.

"But sometimes we make mistakes, it's natural, it's normal. Sometimes these mistakes are huge, catastrophic, dangerous. Sometimes these mistakes involve lives. But they're mistakes, and we all get a second chance."

Emmett smiles knowingly down at the table top, eyes bright, shining, alive. "This is all a bit tedious, isn't it? I mean, Bella bleeds, Jasper attacks, Jasper runs, Alice leaves, Rosalie leaves. I leave. But that's in the past; we have to move through it, to forget about this horrifying experience. Maybe we'll learn from our mistakes, learn from the issues we have caused and the issues we have dealt with. We've learnt more about each other, we've learnt how independent and strong we all are. We've also learnt how fragile we can be.  
"But isn't this all a bit too heartfelt for you? A bit too depressing? I mean, when we were all gathered around this table, the table so unbelievably thick with emotions and loss, I thought to myself, _god, isn't this pointless? What will this achieve? _But then I watched Jasper tell his story, and I watched his face light up with, well with _relief _when he was finished. It was as though a giant weight was lifted off his shoulders, as though he was free. And I sat and I watched Rosalie recount her story, she was so nervous, so fidgety and built up with…fright. She was scared of what I would say to her, of what I would think of her once she confessed the…er…marriage. And then I noticed the weight, also lifted easily off her shoulders. The same with Alice, proud and happy to have it over and done with. It was as though by telling their stories, they in turn could move on. As though they closed a chapter in their life.  
"It wasn't a particularly nice chapter, full of mistakes and horrors and lost time. But by telling our stories, we can move on. I'm not very good at telling stories, I get muddled up and drag off subject, but I'll give it my best shot. And I'll tell you the truth; I won't skip the hard parts of the parts that nearly killed me. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I bring you Emmett's Story." Emmett smiled softly before taking a large breath of air.

"We were all paralysed, standing shocked. It was so unpredictable, so much like a nightmare we hadn't even contemplated it. Jasper growled, flashing his teeth in Bella's face. She cowered back, red liquid streaming from the glass wedged crudely in her arm. My lungs were bursting, fire filling my throat, entombed in a pit of hunger. My eyes flashed once, imagining the warm crimson blood running freely down my mouth. It would be so easy, so easy to just reach out and take her life, so easy and yet so hard. So horrifyingly hard. How would I live with myself? How could I ever be expected to live with myself if I killed Bella? If I took her life?  
"I remember wrapping my arms around Jasper, pulling him away. I refused to breathe. Breathing would be a mistake, breathing would be the end. He was easy to pull away, easier than expected. I felt a dull weight settle in his stomach, that of dread, that of blame. He slumped into my arms, allowing me to drag him away, away from the girl that had once been his prey.  
"My jaw was clenched as I marched him through the room, past the family members. Would they think any lesser of him? Would they perhaps blame Jasper? Surely not, but how many second chances are we allowed? How many chances do we get until our luck runs out? Until we are banished, killed or forgotten? How many second chances does a person get?

"I watched with a slight flare of sadness as my brother walked away from me, not muttering a word. We had walked outside so we could get air, to escape the horrifying smell of blood that had tainted the oxygen inside. Did I realise at the time that I wouldn't be seeing Jasper for a long, long time? No, no I don't think I did. It never crossed my mind that he might be running away. Never occurred to me that a person could give up on family like that."

Emmett looks up at Jasper, his eyes full of contempt.

"I don't know, maybe it took me the longest to realise that Jasper wasn't coming back, maybe I was the last one to give up hope. When Alice left I genuinely believed that she would return, I actually believed, in some foolish part of my mind, that she would find Jasper, that she would find Jasper and return and everything, well everything would be perfect. It was stupid of me, immature and ridiculous. I should have realised that nothing in life is fair, that nothing in life is exactly how we want it. I should have realised but I didn't, maybe that's why I didn't see how badly Rosalie was affected by it all. I should have noticed the signs, the anger and pent-up frustration. The bone-wearying sadness. I should have realised how depressed Rosalie had become, but I didn't and there's nothing I can do about that now."  
It's not the first time today that I've heard somebody say that.

"To me everything was normal, as though Alice and Jasper were just taking a small vacation, they'd return soon and everything would be fine. I was so completely set on this lie that I became oblivious to the sadness and grief around me. I completely ignored the invisible tears that filled Esme's eyes whenever she saw a picture of Alice, I ignored the complete sorrow in Carlisle's eyes every time Jasper wasn't present to hunt. I ignored the blame in Bella's voice and the hate in Edward's posture. I ignored all this and for that I have suffered.

"The days leading up to Rosalie's disappearance were a blur. I don't remember if I talked to her at all, if I ever bothered to ask her if she was okay, to see how she was holding up. I should have realised how badly this would affect her, but I didn't. Was I surprised when Bella showed me that note? Yeah, I was. At first I didn't know what to make of it, would Rosalie be back? Would she return to me?" Emmett smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. I swallow sharply.

"Bella was over, standing on the front porch, arguing with Edward. It wasn't often that the both of them fought, I thought perhaps it was the stress of the party. That god-awful party. I approached them, thinking I could make a few jokes. I don't know, maybe I thought I could fix everything. Maybe I thought I was superman. Because in some stupid, small portion of my brain, everything was alright.  
"She had her back to me, I thought perhaps I could scare her, or at least make her smile. I remember Edward staring at me frantically, his eyes huge, uncertain. I thought perhaps he was scared, or worried. 'Tell him,' Bella urged, not yet knowing that I was standing behind her. 'Tell me what?' I asked. How I wish I never said that, how I wish that question never popped out of my mouth. Seeing that note made everything so…real. Everything so horrifyingly real. Reading that note, with its cursive script, written so carefully out by Rosalie, reading the words that she had written. Yeah, it hurt.

'_Family,  
I have decided that I need to be on my own for a while. They're some things I need to figure out. Alone.  
Please do not come after me.  
Rosalie.' _  
"And I remember staring at it, and I remember thinking. 'My god, it's truly the end.' Weren't we supposed to be the couple that lasted forever? That defied the odds? Weren't we supposed to be the couple that people saw walking down the halls and they thought, they thought 'wow, those two have something special'? What happened to the loud, beautiful girl that I fell in love with? Her of all people, I never thought she'd give up on family. Rosalie had strong morals, standing up for what she believed in. Sticking by family was one of them. So why did she run? Why did she break my heart?

"I could have wallowed in my own misery and self-doubt or I could have run out there and found Rosalie, Jasper and Alice. I could have done either of these, but instead I ran away. What a stupid and selfish thing to do. I didn't tell anybody where I was going, I myself wasn't certain of the destination.  
"I ended up in the forest. I think maybe I was going to hunt. Maybe I wanted to just lose myself in the hunt, to morph into the blood-thirsty, dangerous, adrenaline filled vampire that I was. Unrecognisable. I wanted to escape it all, I think we all did. We all retreated into our own little worlds, Alice with her dreams, Carlisle with his work, Esme with her stillness, Jasper with his new companions. Rosalie with her new life and me with my hunting. Edward's mind was kept occupied with keeping Bella safe, and Bella, well Bella was the bravest, the strongest of us all. She confronted the problem."

I blush, looking down at the brown wood of the table; I see my reflection gleaming back. The image I see is not that of me, I look different. Older, maturer, happier. Stronger.

Emmett continues on, "but for the first time in my life I didn't find killing a bear satisfying. Having the warm blood flow down my throat, it didn't bring me happiness. It made me feel sick, disgusted at myself. I don't kill humans, no, but what makes animals so different to humans? They're living, breathing, they think and have feelings, they have families, wants, needs. Why does a human think they're so much higher than an animal? Animals aren't wrecking the Earth, humans are. Animals are just doing what they need to do. They don't go out of their way to make somebodies life a living hell, they don't ditch their family.  
"I remember listening to the roar of the bear as it stood on its hind legs, screaming at me, challenging me. 'Hit me,' I dared it. 'Try and hurt me.'  
"That's how it started out, me letting the animal try to harm me, of course it couldn't pierce the marble skin, but it gave me a little satisfaction anyway. Having those bears attack me in a forest, me refusing to use my defences reminded me of my human years. I would have died that night if Rosalie hadn't of stumbled across me. But where was my angel now? Where was my saviour?  
"I found myself in a clearing, accompanied with a bear at times, but otherwise alone. I so easily could have headed back; I so easily could have fixed things. Why did I have to wallow in my selfishness? Why was I so blinded by my blame, hate, revenge? But how, how was I expected to cope with this onslaught of emotions? How I was I expected to deal with the sudden loss of a wife?  
"Maybe I was a little deluded in the head, I wasn't thinking straight. I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, if I re-enacted the scene of me being mauled by a bear, well maybe Rosalie would come, once again, to save me. I thought that maybe she would just appear in the clearing, hair ablaze. I thought that maybe she'd come and everything would be fine. Everything would be perfect. It was vain of me to believe such a thing was possible.  
"That forest was like a home, I was just another creature that used it as an abode. I was just like the trees and ferns, the ants and insects, the bears and deers. I was like the mud and the bark, the rocks and the rotting wood. I was like the sky and the clouds, the leaves and the animals. I was…I was a _part _of something. I belonged therefore I was. My intentions were that maybe I could live out my life in this calming, kind forest. This wise, ancient forest that had seen so much, that contained so much knowledge between its tall, twisted trees. I could live out my life in this forest, slowly and surely forgetting about the Cullen's. I would start afresh, it would be grand.  
"Memory sucks. It's like when you're asked to think about anything _but _a penguin for ten seconds, and all you can manage to do is think about a stupid, insignificant penguin. I tried to force my mind off the Cullen's, but they were determined. They just came marching back into my life. Every movement reminded me of them. The way the sun glinted off the leaves reminded me of their golden eyes, the stump on the left was slightly Alice-sized, there was a mark in the bark on the third tree to the right that resembled Carlisle's face. The strangely orange leaves on the medium-height tree reminded me that of Edward's hair. The clumsy-ness of the swaying trees reminded me of Bella, the marching ants, so proud, reminded me of Jasper. The deer with their wide eyes reminded me of Esme.

"The bear, the monster, reminded me of myself."

Emmett flashes a grin at me, I don't what to make of it.

"Forgetting the Cullen's was a stupid idea, I don't know why I even attempted it. But those trees, my god they reminded me of being human. Surely it couldn't be so hard as to have Rosalie come? Surely one day, one day she would arrive and we could forget all this. Surely one day she would come and everything would be okay."

Rosalie smiles without actually turning the sides of her mouth upwards; she grabs Emmett's hand, tightening her grip.

"And then one day, well one day she did arrive. Bloody good thing she did to, I wasn't…coping well. Or is that an understatement? If I couldn't have Rosalie I didn't want anyone. I didn't even want myself. If I couldn't live with Rosalie, I didn't want to live at all. That's morbid and ridiculous, but…well…I don't think I realised how important she was to me, how incomplete my life was without her.  
"It was almost like a movie. I was crouching in the middle of the small clearing, the trees looming above me, surrounding me. Before I thought they were beautiful, nature at its finest. But now I took them as suffocating me, as trapping me into this horrifying cycle of trees. I wanted out, I'd had enough. I don't know, Rosalie arriving when she did. Kind of like a happy ending to a horrifying tale. I've realised just how important happy ending's are. Chick flick's got it right after all.  
"I was so close to losing it, to leaving, departing, checking out. Everything was like a surreal dream, I thought maybe I _had _died, I thought maybe I was in Heaven or someplace. I don't know, it involved Rosalie, it was perfect."

Emmett looks up briefly, smiling to himself. "But then I saw Alice and I knew that I couldn't possibly be in Heaven."  
Alice leans over to slap him, but he holds up a hand. "What I mean is the look upon your face. God, it was awful. You were…you were gone. Blank. Dead inside. You were…you weren't with us.  
"And then when Jasper brought us up some baddie's the surreal dream ended and killing mode was switched on.  
"I dunno Bella, I don't know how you did it, I don't understand how you had the courage and out-straight determination. But you did it Bella, and thanks. Thankyou for…everything. I mean, if you'd never come into this family then none of this would have happened, but in a sick, twisted way, I'm glad it did happen. We've all grown…closer."

Edward sighs and Emmett frowns. "And that was my emotional, heartfelt, beautiful story, until next time ladies and gentlemen, goodnight."

_____________________________________________________________________

_Shoutie time I think. No? I've found a story that shall blow your mind, it's written amazingly and the plot is ridiculously fun :) It's 'Villian' by Oomph_Kiddo, check it out? _

_And thankyou _u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _, Laura 2468, TwilightNatty and x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x who are all amazing :)  
Does anybody read these things? _

_And pure_ambition_writing and Zombie's Run This Town who are the cool kids of fanfic. _

_And of course shanterenee, twilightromance4ever, motherduckatschool, sheeiur22, emzigale07 (I love Kate Voegele:)) iChimpz, ILoveTwilightAlot, Iris Cullen 13, yueyuuko and eMmEtT's-LiTtLe-SisS who are ridiculously rockin' and whose reviews make me smile :) _

_And Courteney. Just because she's Courteney._

_Have a beautiful day : ) _

_And review, please?_


	33. Edward's Story

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

Edward cleared his throat. I looked at my hands, the pale fingers blurring together, my vision clouding. I remember the first drops of water hitting my palms.

I don't _want _to hear Edward's story, it dawns on me somewhere in the back of my mind. It hits me, how hard must it have been for Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett to listen to what their partners had been through? How much self control must they have practised to not cry, to not interrupt, how much pain must they have endured to have to sit through that pure horror?

I thought I was strong. I thought I had grown, I thought I was tougher, more independent. I thought I could do it. But having to sit through Edward's story, having to hear about the horrors that _I _had caused, it was just too much, it was just too painful. It just wasn't a possible option.  
My heart thuds softly. A single tear remains on my cheek as I look up. "I can't do it," I whisper.

"What?" Edward asks, looking at my eyes, brow furrowed slightly.  
"I can't do it," I repeat, a little louder. "I can't…I don't think I can."  
"You can't what?"  
"I…don't think I can listen to your story. That's selfish of me. I don't want to…I want to take everything back. I wish none of this happened. I wish…I just wish that we could go back. Erase all this _crap. _I just wish that…I wish everything was perfect, you know? I wish we didn't make mistakes, I wish we didn't ever stuff up. I don't know, perfection is the thing everybody's aiming for, right? Everybody wants to be perfect, everybody has a goal, an ambition, everybody has a dream. And we'll live out our lives and you know what? We will never, ever reach our goals. We will never, ever be perfect. So why…why do we try? _Why do we try?" _

My voice echoes around the room, ringing in my ears.

"Because if we don't try," Jasper answers, looking into my eyes, _through _my eyes. "We'll never know. We'll never know what could have been. You sit here and you wish you could take everything back. You're seeing the world through the eyes of a seventeen-year-old girl. You're seeing the world in the only way you know how. I see what happened as…almost a sort of destiny. It couldn't have been avoided; nobody in the world could have guessed what would have happened. It sucks, yes, but there's nothing we can do about it. And I? Well I'm okay with this."

Is it the fact that his voice cracks half way through or the fact that he's telling the truth, the utter and complete truth, that makes a lump develop in my throat? I nod silently, gazing into my lap. I don't trust myself to speak; I don't trust myself to think. After the party I don't think I trust _myself. _

Edward looks uncertain for a moment before taking a breath. "I don't really know where to begin. The start's a good place. But I don't know, when was the start, when was the beginning? Was it the party or when Bella cut herself? Was it when Jasper attacked or possibly when Jasper ran? Or maybe it all began when Bella first moved to Forks, or maybe when Alice and Jasper joined the family. Maybe the beginning for me was when Bella made the conscious decision to find this family.  
"The moment Bella took a step out of that house, the moment she began to search. Well I guess, I guess that was the moment hope ignited in my chest, that was the moment I came back to life. That was the start of a new beginning.

"I remember a sudden gust of…of pure terror hit me. The scent of Bella's blood filling the room, filling my senses, filling my heart. It was almost reflex, _save the girl, _my head was swimming with various thoughts and feelings, I was unable to sort them, unable to make sense of anything. It was almost instinct the way my body flung itself in front of the bleeding human, in front of the girl whom I would do anything for. In front of the girl who, in my eyes, was perfect. The girl, who if I didn't do anything, would surely be killed.  
"Snarls erupted in front of me, my eyes adjusted, cleared, so I was able to make out what was in front of me. A boy with blonde hair, golden eyes gleaming hatefully into mine. This blonde boy was my brother. How could we all have been so foolish? How could we all have been so ignorant? How could we have ignored Jasper so completely? Why did we not realise? I don't know, maybe because for the first time in my life everything was perfect, maybe because finally, _finally _I had somebody. I had somebody who, for the first time in my vampire life, thought I was something special, somebody who thought that under the immortal skin, the anger filled, hateful skin was…was me. Somebody, who for the first time in my life, saw me for me. And if I lost that somebody, well, well I'd give up on hope, and without hope, where are we?

"He snapped his teeth viciously, a growl erupting from deep in his chest. I kept my stance, refusing to move, refusing to let this _monster _touch her. Not hours before Jasper was helping set up decorations, he was laughing and smiling, joking around with us. Not minutes before he was standing completely still, smiling around at his family. And now…well now he was gone, replaced by a vampire who was in full-attacking mode. It was scary and it was dangerous, but it was oh so very real. I didn't stand that much of a chance against him, I had my mind-reading, but he had years of knowledge, years of painful experiences to aid him. I may have been able to read his moves, but sometimes that isn't enough. I think the fact that I was guarding something so very important to me, guarding something that for the life of me I refused to give up. The fact that I was guarding Bella, well that gave me motivation, it gave me reason. What's that example people constantly use? It's like a baby is locked in a car, the child's mother is able to physically lift the car up and get the baby out. Yet how come the next day, when the mother is asked to do it again, she can't even budge the vehicle? Is it because the urgency is gone? The need?  
"The strength burst from me, I had to save Bella. I had to guard her; I had to guard her with my life. Because if I failed? If I failed, it would be the end of everything.

"I didn't fail, not in that sense. But in a way I did, I let my family down, I let us break. I could have gone after Jasper; I could have comforted him, forgiven him. But was it really up to me to forgive him? Surely it was more important for Jasper to forgive himself, surely that would be the hardest thing to do. I don't know, life's full of '_what ifs.' _If I could change things, I would. But I can't, and so I'm going to have to live with this. I've been living in regret for months. But what's the point? Why am I regretting something that I can't change? Why am I regretting history?  
"We learn from our mistakes, that's good enough for me.

"So we're all sitting here, right? Nothing happened in the end, Jasper gained control, he ran away, the family crumbled. Does it shock me that without Jasper this family fell apart? Yeah, I guess it does. The silent one, the still, calm one, who knew it was him that held this family together? Or maybe if any of us ran away this family would crumble. We're so close, so used to each other; it's only natural that we would self-destruct without each others presence.

"I watched as Jasper left, my eyes that of contempt. I was angry, frustrated. I was annoyed, pent up with an illogical fury. It wasn't Jasper's fault, but he was the easiest person to blame. It's easier to blame it on somebody else; it's easier to not have to carry the blame yourself. I watched as he left, emotions running high, everybody's thoughts a complete blank. Usually their heads were swimming with chaos and memories, thoughts and questions. But as my family watched Jasper leave, nothing was running through their minds. Nothing.  
"Or maybe my own mind was so full of my own emotions; I had no room to concentrate on my families thoughts. I didn't have the energy or motion to pay attention to the pleas around me.

"Alice left shortly afterwards, it wasn't a surprise. We all knew it was going to happen, we all knew that it was just the inevitable happening. I watched my family crumble before my eyes; I watched my family tear up. I witnessed helplessly as my brothers and sisters went their separate ways. I watched day after day, hour after hour as my family turned into vacant shells. I witnessed lifeless stares and blame-filled expressions. I witnessed hope leach painfully out of these people. It was almost as though I was witnessing death.  
"Rosalie left soon after Alice, maybe I should have known she would, maybe I should have payed closer attention to her thoughts. Maybe I should have cared more, but I didn't, and there's nothing I can do about that now. She left a note, somewhere in the house, Esme found it. I'm not sure what Esme thought as she read that note, I'm not sure of the emotions that were running through her mind as she took in the meaning of Rosalie's words. Esme rang Carlisle; I don't know if she cried, I don't know if she was shaking. I don't know how Carlisle reacted, or what he said. I don't know if he comforted Esme, if he came home straight away. All I know is that the moment I walked through the door, the moment I read their minds. Well _that _was the moment, in my eyes, that this family cracked.

"'_We have to go after her…she's well and truly gone…is there a hidden meaning…note…Rosalie…gone…' _I don't know, they tried to hide it from me, but they were too shocked, too appalled to have the energy to hide their thoughts properly. I found the note and I did my best to hide it from Emmett. Could I possibly bring myself to show him, to tell him of his missing wife? Rosalie had gone, for her own reasons, I didn't know why she had left. Maybe she was sad, or maybe she was just seizing a golden opportunity. She left, she left this family. And I knew that if Emmett found out, which he surely would, than he would leave also. And if Emmett left, well that really was the final straw."

Edward smiles slightly, almost in a sick, twisted way.

"I watched my family break. I stood back and I watched my family crumble. And I couldn't do a thing about it, I couldn't advert my eyes. I watched my family morph into something horrible, something diseased. And you know what I did? I ran away. I gave up. It was unforgivable, it was foolish and stupid. I was a coward. I'm sorry.

"Emmett left, I tried to stay, I really did. It's just that…I couldn't seem to make sense of anything, I couldn't seem to make anything fit. Frustration, anger, pain. It was stupid of me to leave Bella, where was I supposed to go? How was I supposed to deal with myself? I watched as Esme began to crack, she'd lost four kids already, was it truly fair of me to turn my back on her? Of course it wasn't. But that didn't stop me.  
"I remember trying to leave, but how could I leave without saying goodbye to Isabella? It would be almost…inhumane of me to leave her without a…goodbye.  
"I had to break her heart, that was the truth. I had to break her heart, because if I didn't? Well then she'd never let me go. She wouldn't move on."

Edward looks at me from the corner of his eye. "If you weren't so determined we wouldn't be sitting here, we wouldn't be back together. I'd expected you to meet a nice human, have kids, grow old. Thank god you rebelled against my expectations."

I blush.

"I don't know, I think maybe I thought I would go to the Denali's. Is that cliché of me? Would that have been too obvious? It would have made life easier; it would have made everything so much easier to deal with. If I had gone to the Denali Coven I would have been able to forget, momentarily, about the Cullen's. Ah, how foolish of me. How could I possibly have thought that I would ever have been able to forget about Bella? What kind of ignorance is that? I didn't know what to do after I had left her. _'It's not working out,' _that is what I told her. It's not working out.

"It's not working out…

"Well of course it wasn't fucking working out, how could it possibly ever have been _working out? _Working out, what a stupid statement. The family was broken, gone their separate ways. How was that 'working out?' Maybe I should have told her the truth. But what was the truth? That I was running away? That I was a huge, fat coward? _It wasn't working out… _

"I didn't know what to do with myself, I tried to run, I truly did. Never, not once did I ever try to attempt to save my family. Is it stupid that the thought had never actually occurred to me? Probably. I tried to run, but there was no where to run to, nowhere that I could possibly show my face. I thought to myself, I thought _'what the hell are you doing? Where do you plan on going? What do you plan to achieve?'_  
"It was never my choice really. I had to watch after her. Does that sound wrong? It would have been easier for me to just return to the Cullen's. But, in some stupid, dark place in my mind, I didn't want to return. It was almost because I didn't want to ruin my…pride.

"I'm trailing off subject, so I get the genius idea to watch Bella, right? Slightly morbid, slightly wrong. I was only ever checking up on her, I don't know, I was just checking that she was safe. That she was coping. I don't know what I expected, when she moved on, which she surely would, how badly would I ache? How badly would I hurt? Selfishly I didn't want her to move on; selfishly I wished that she would remember me forever. How odd, what if Bella was forty, married, kids, employed. _What if she was happy_. What if she had forgotten all about me, so preoccupied with her new life? What would become of me then? Would I still be around, reliving the moments I shared with her?

"Or would I have fallen into the black abyss of time.

"I had no idea of the whereabouts of my siblings, I refused to enter Carlisle's and Esme's mind, it didn't seem…right. I was oblivious to the most simplest of things. Time, matter, feelings lost all reason. It was just me and her. Alone.  
"That sounds creepy; it's just…if Bella was in any sort of danger, any sort of danger at all. Well it was because of me, and I would never be able to live with myself if she…died. At times I almost gave up, what was the point? How easy would it be for me to reveal myself to Bella, how easily I could break the façade. But if I showed myself, than Bella would be put in danger, and that just wasn't a possible option.

"There were times when I appeared, the times I wasn't running through the forest, drowning in selfish pity. There were times when I checked in on Bella. But it was all the same, always the endless blackness surrounding her, muffling her screams. Her pleas of hate.

"And then one day…well one day she changed. One day she woke up and…well that was it. She changed her mindset. One day, one day she woke up and the light was turned on. She decided to save the Cullen's, and thank god she did. She left the house, full of doubts, full of blame. Blame…that wasn't right.

"That was the first time she caught a glimpse of me, I thought maybe it would encourage, or frighten, her. It was the first time Bella had shown any signs of hope, I wasn't about to lose the opportunity.

"Bella found Jasper. By freak accident I suppose. She found him, she found Alice, she found Emmett and Rosalie. She did all that without aid. What does that prove? What does that say about Bella? She found this family, she saved this family.

"What does that prove? That she can?"

_Yeah, I suppose it does. _

_. _

_I don't want to talk about it. It took me weeks, it's pathetic, I don't want to talk about it. Thankyou for reading :)  
Please review :) _

_This is for TwilightNatty for being awesome and amazing and my bamf :)  
Also to Dimmie, because she deserves a chapter. Even if it was pathetic. _

_Thankyou to ShanteRenee (FIRST!) x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, obsessedbooks12, emzigale07, Oomph_Kiddo, Courtii, sheeiur22, twilightromance4ever, IChimpz (I), Miekje1199, Zombie's Run This Town, eMmEtT's-LiTtLe-sIsS, motherduckatschool, _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _, yueyuuko, Laura 2468, FICTIONAL-STAR (:D) and Angel452. _

_Please review? Have a beautiful day :)_


	34. Esme's Story

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

I looked up, smiling patiently as Esme grimaced. "I guess it's my turn," she whispered, her eyes resembling large, brooding black pits, dug harshly into her face. "I…I actually have something that might be easier, if you'll just…wait a moment…I'll…" she abruptly pushed back from the table, forcing the chair to scrape across the ground. I watched as she left her seat, walking slowly and sullenly towards the stairs, every step she took was a dull _thunk. _

I glanced down at my chair, the wooden grain going in an almost circular motion. I examined the notches whilst Esme rummaged upstairs. I only had a minute to wonder what she was doing before she appeared at the head of the banister, holding a blue shoe-box. General wear-and-tear graced the boxes corners, the paint faded and scratched. My eyes opened slightly as she joined us again, tossing the box into the middle of the circle, reclaiming her seat. We all leant forward a little, staring with curiosity and a sense of fright. What was it? What did the box contain? More importantly, did I _want _to know what it contained?

I watched as Carlisle slowly extended a hand, reaching for the blue cardboard, I took a deep breath as he flipped the lid off.  
I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. The box was filled with slightly yellowed paper, small black font covering the torn pages. There were…dates, many dates scrawled across the top, the first one being 14th September.

The day after my birthday.

Esme reached out and grabbed the first piece of paper, turning it over in her pale hands, I watched as she mulled over it for a minute before laying it flat on the table. "This was day one," she commented, before removing her hands, allowing us to read.

_14__th__ September, _

_He's gone. He's…gone.  
Why is that word so hard to write? Why is that one syllable, four letter word so difficult to admit? Why is…why did he leave us?  
Maybe I should have payed more attention, I should have made him hunt more, I shouldn't have been so careless. God, how could we have stuffed up so badly? How could we have been so completely and utterly ignorant? How could we all have been so foolish? _

_Jasper left and that's all there is to it, really. He left and… _

_Oh God, he's truly gone. _

Esme clucked her tongue once before handing us the second entry; I noticed her mouth shake slightly. I pretended to ignore it, because really? There was nothing much I could do.

_16__th__ September, _

_Once Upon a Time there was a family, this family was different, they had different beliefs, different morals. These people were not a biological family, but sometimes friendship runs deeper than blood, and that was good enough for them. This family drank animals instead of humans. But maybe that's just it, this family _drank. _This family was not normal, this family was not human. Said family were Vampires.  
But this family was not like most other Vampire's, this family had morals and beliefs, they had friendships and socialised with human beings. This family did all the normal human things, they went to prom, got married, they played ball and had friends.  
And they had enemies.  
This family was good enough to be human; this family did everything, every single thing right. So why, why couldn't they be accepted into society? Why did they have to keep running away? Forever moving again and again and again. Did it truly matter if humans knew their secret? Surely they could exist side-by-side. They both ate animals, they both had feelings. _

_So why couldn't this family ever feel accepted? The father saved lives everyday at the local hospital, the sons and daughters participated at school. _

_Why, for God's sake why, couldn't this family just be accepted? _

_And then one day one of the Vampire's _did _stuff up, one of the Vampire's attempted to kill one of the local humans. This human was, however, different. This human knew their secret, this human was in love with one of the sons. _

_This human? She accepted them, she accepted the family. And now, well now I guess we've betrayed her trust. _

_._

_17__th__ September, _

_Alice is gone. I saw the blank look in her eyes, the vacant glares she directed at me. I saw the pain and I saw the hurt. I wish her luck, I hope she finds him. I hope she succeeds. I don't like to think of what would happen if she failed, I don't know what would become of her. It wouldn't be good.  
This family is no longer a family; it's more a coven of grief. This family is not _my _family,_ my_ family doesn't hurt this much, _my_ family doesn't just leave without a goodbye. My family had hope, my family had love. This family is no longer my family, and I don't know if I'll ever get them back._

Esme's eyes scan the paper in front of her; she smiles softly before handing it to me. I look down at the page, my fingers shake whilst my vision blurs, filling up with tears.

_18__th__ September, _

_They didn't come back. _

_. _

I regret a lot of things. I've made many mistakes in this life, one of which was probably coming here. I wish I could re-do things, I wish I had second chances. I've made mistakes, we all have. They say we shouldn't regret our faults, they say we learn from them, and so we know how to react next time, they say we grow from our mistakes.  
But I've made a mistake, which to me, is pretty major. I didn't tell Esme that I had found her family, I didn't comfort her, I didn't take the time. I left her sitting in that blackness for three months. I left her sitting all alone, hope diminished in that stuffy, pathetic room. I didn't attempt to talk to Esme, and now she has to live with the memories of a time when everything was _not _perfect. I didn't tell her, I didn't help her, and now she has to pay the price.  
And that doesn't seem right.

_20__th__ September, _

_Rosalie left. She had a note, she'd written a note. I'm not sure if I'd have just preferred her to run away, a note just seems so…final, so proper. She took the time to say goodbye, and to me, well to me that seems like a bad sign. I walked into the living room, noticing the overly-white sheet of paper. My heart thudded slowly, it was as though I realised what that note meant.  
It's like when the phone rings with bad news. Before you pick it up, before you have even said 'hello,' you know that the person on the other end is going to give you a horrible message. You know the phone call is bad. Maybe it's instinct, or maybe it's some deeper, ancient intuition. I knew that note had bad news, and it was almost as though, almost as though I…felt the fact that Rosalie had gone. Her presence was no longer in the house. It wasn't as though she had just gone out for a casual stroll; it was as though she had disappeared all together. _

_Rosalie's gone. Alice's gone. Jasper's gone. And I think…I think in a way I'm gone too. _

_._

_21__st__ September, _

_Why haven't they come back yet? Did they give up on me, on us? Why did they not return? _

_What's happening to us? _

I watched as Carlisle slowly lifted a sheet of paper off the pile, holding it delicately between his two fingers. The date was printed carefully, the writing neater than the previous entries. Esme gives it a knowing glance before turning away. I jut my bottom jaw out slightly as I take the sheet of paper, placing it carefully onto the middle of the table.

_21__st__ September, _

_This may just be my final entry. This diary is all that I find solace in right now, my writing the only thing giving me peace. My name is Esme Cullen, I am a Vampire and my family is broken. That's my summary now, it doesn't matter about my story or my past, it doesn't matter about motherhood or Carlisle. My story has changed over the past week, its roller coasted into something unrecognizable. They say change can be for the better, but it can also be for the worst. They say to search for the silver lining, and I'm trying, I'm truly trying, but, like many things of late, I have failed. _

_This wasn't supposed to happen. How am I expected to accept something that is so…twisted, so…unnatural? How do they possibly expect me to continue on? Do they…do they perhaps expect me to forget them?  
And maybe in time I will forget them, or at least, push them into the back of my mind. Maybe, eventually, Jasper, Alice, Bella, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, they'll all become a memory, a memory of a better time, a memory of what once was. Maybe I could eventually learn to move on. _

_Maybe, but probably not. What kind of sick mother forgets about her children? Intentionally? They had given up on me, but I'm not going to give up on them. _

_I've been trying to block the party from my mind, watching Jasper pounce, it evoked an emotion inside of me. It was almost…adrenaline. A rush of emotions, both hesitant and straightforward, rushed through my system. The emotions flushed all happiness away. We were hit with a wrecking ball of guilt, yes, yes we were.* _

_As a Vampire I didn't think I had a heart, it was physically impossible. But now I realise that I probably did. There's a black, empty space carved into me now. I feel…empty and incomplete. I feel…I feel as though I don't deserve to be sitting here. It's not fair. I would trade my life for them. Why couldn't I have been the one to run away? And have them home, safe. Together.  
Jasper fled, I thought he'd return, I thought he'd come back. I didn't think that it would be possible for him to abandon Alice; I didn't expect he'd be able to last. And you know what scares me? The fact that he could be dead right now and I would have no idea. I could lose a son right now and I would be completely oblivious. They say that when a mother loses a child they know instantly, something in their body…leaves them, and it never comes back. What's that saying? When a person loses a loved one, it's as though they lose a limb. They will never, ever get it back, but eventually they learn to live without it.  
My body is full of horror, I don't feel anything. I'm scared that if any of my children died, I wouldn't have the motion to feel the loss. If any of my children died, could I gather the energy to care? _

_Alice left after Jasper. I don't think it genuinely shocked anyone. How was she expected to live without him? It was ridiculous and foolish. What I wasn't expecting was Rosalie's disappearance. Maybe I was foolish; I should have looked more closely for the signs. But she's gone now, and there's nothing more I can do. Emmett left after Rosalie.  
This is pathetic. I didn't even _attempt _to save them. I didn't try to leave my ridiculous shell. I locked myself away in this death-like room, taking myself away from civilisation. I left all that was my everything. Maybe if I tried to save my family everything would be alright, maybe they'd be back home and we could forget everything. _

_But they aren't back home and everything is still fresh in our minds. _

_My name is Esme Cullen, I am a Vampire, my family is broken and I have given up all hope. Pleased to meet you. _

They wait for me to finish, my slow eyes dragging across the page. I look slowly up at Esme, but she adverts her gaze. "This…was the next one." Her white hand passes me the next note, she holds onto it tight for a moment, refusing to let me read it.

_29__th__ September, _

_I'm sinking. Sinking into the black abyss of sorrow. I'm sinking, and there's nobody here to save me. _

I look at the page, my mouth turning down. I would have saved her, given the chance. I would have helped her, had I known. I didn't hear Esme's silent pleas. I regret that.

_4__th__ October, _

_Carlisle goes to the hospital a lot now, I guess it's his way of escape, his way of forgetting. I don't have anywhere to escape to; the only way to forget is to have a complete mind-blank of all that is understandable. And the only way to achieve complete mind-blanks is to focus on the pain, the unbelievable agony that is my hunger. The scorching of the fire, entombed viciously in my throat, is enough to drown out all memory.  
It's funny; I'd prefer physical pain to emotional pain. But then again, wouldn't we all? _

_._

_11__th__ October, _

_There are thirteen cracks in the roof, running from the top left corner; we should get that checked out. _

I swallow deeply, I can't do this, I can't read these entries. Written words are harsher than spoken words. Writing makes everything…immortalized. Spoken words are forgotten over time, faded with the wind, written words are forever. By writing her feelings down, Esme had become trapped, stuck with the language of power. I didn't want to sit through this. Everybody deserved to tell their story, and Esme's was always going to be one of the hardest, but this was…unbearable, this was fucking ridiculous.

_21__st__ October, _

_Today Carlisle didn't come home. _

_. _

_28__th__ October, _

_I should help Carlisle; after all, he's feeling as bad as I am. It's just that he's stronger; he can cope better than me. I should help him through this, aid him. What's more, I should allow _him _to help _me. _  
It's just, this protective bubble is all I have going for me right now. The protective shield that I don't allow anybody to enter. If I let Carlisle in, than what would I have? What little amount of pride would I still be able to maintain? _

_. _

_2__nd__ November, _

_They haven't returned, there are stabbing knives in my throat and Carlisle is hardly home anymore. I am sinking and there's nobody to drag me out. _

I shuffled carelessly through the blue box, searching for new entries. There were many sheets of blank paper, and many sheets of just seemingly random crosses and ink stains. "Was that your last entry?" I ask Esme, pulling my hands from out of the box.  
She frowns, picking up a sheet of paper that I had recently discarded. It's full of black ink stains and scribbles, the page is torn and there doesn't appear to be much writing on it.

_Forever…gone…family…breath…lost…last…never _

I stare at the paper, struggling my eyes, attempting to peer through the ink. And then, down the bottom, is one word, written so small it's almost unrecognizable. The one word that makes my heart soar.

_Hope… _

"That was my last entry," Esme smiles, looking around the table, letting her eyes linger on each family member. I take a deep breath.

Yeah, maybe things weren't so bad after all.

.

_*I'm almost pretty sure I once heard Zombie's Run This Town use that quote. :) And so, naturally, I stole it._

_This seems rushed and un-proofed simply because this was the third time I wrote this. The first time it was ridiculously late for me and I thought it would be a fun idea to delete all 2 pages of writing. The second time I managed to not save the document right, and so I lost 2, 563 words. Do you realise how over the Esme-story I am?  
Also, this is the third last chapter! :D The Carlisle and then the 500 word ending chapter that I've been looking forward to for a long, long time. :) _

_Thankyou so much to: ShanteRenee, pure_ambition_writing, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, emzigale07, Katty, sheeiur22, twilightromance4ever, Courtii, IChimpz, Oomph_Kiddo, jadeEyre, Devarios, yueyuuko, MrsEmCullen_x, Zombie's Run This Town, Jazzys-Confedrate1861, motherduckatschool, TwilightNatty, Laura, FICTIONAL-STAR and _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y_  
You guys are rockin' :)_


	35. Carlisle's Story

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

"My father was an extremely superstitious man. He went out of his way to search, find and destroy every mythical being on his land. During the years of 1640, there was a lot of religious upheaval. Hunts were being led to find the witches, the monsters, were-wolves and, of course, the vampires. Many times innocent civilians were killed, forced to leave their homes and run for their lives. It was a dark time in human history, many people lost their lives. It was dangerous and ridiculous.  
"When I was a young boy I admired my father, I enjoyed his presence, I looked up to him. I used to want to be just like him. But my father was a…foolish man, he did not truly understand of what he was getting himself into. He didn't understand the dangers and he didn't understand the risks. I'm not sure if the hunting members ever actually did find real vampires or were-wolves, maybe they did. But what kind of weak, stupid vampire would knowingly, allowingly let a weak, insignificant human end their life?

"Me. I would have let anybody try to destroy me. I was not happy, I was not proud of what I was. During the latter years of my human life, my father began to frail, to age. He was not the young superman that I had once looked up to. He was just an old man; he was, in a way, no longer my father. I soon took over the job; I was the young hunter, the gifted one. Soon, people were looking up to _me. _People aspired to be just like me, me, a murderer, me, a foolish human. Me, the young boy who deliberately set out to ruin peoples lives.  
"And one day I did find a coven, they were hiding in a sewer, in London. These people were…different. These people were not normal, and I thought to myself, 'these are not human; finally, finally I have found something.' And I was _proud _of the fact that I had found some sort of monster, I was proud of the fact that I would be able to kill something. My sick, twisted soul sook pleasure in murder. How completely and utterly messed up is that?  
"The…coven that I had stumbled across was different, their snowy white skin, death-black eyes, their immaculate beauty. This family was not normal, this family was not human. This family was different and so I took it upon myself to end their lives. However, strangely enough, these people did not take kindly to my methods. They fled, running. But not before attacking, not before attacking _me. _

"Something was happening; the fire in my heart, my lungs, my throat, my everywhere was awful, terrifying, lonely. I could not show myself, I could not dream, I could not wish, I could not hope. All I could do was exist. And what a poor existence it was.  
"I was a twenty-three year old man with a terrible secret. I was lonely, distressed and terribly, terribly scared. I vowed to myself, 'I will never let anybody get as hurt as much as I was, I will never let anybody go through such loneliness, such pain as the agony that I have experienced.'

"But I look back at that now and I realise that I have let myself down, I did allow people, my _family _to suffer loneliness, distress, pain, hopelessness. I allowed my only family to disintegrate into nothing but mere shells. And by hurting them I have hurt myself, and by hurting myself I have hurt them, it is an endless cycle and we were all caught in the middle of it, that is, until some seemingly innocent, weak human marched herself into a state of near-hope, into a state of determination. A human did what no vampire could dare to do, and that's got to count for something, right?"

Carlisle smiles patiently, looking around the table. "I did not think of blaming anybody, it was, obviously, nobodies fault. We were all affected in some way, it would be foolish if we weren't, I'm sure we've all made a lot of mistakes, we've lost a lot of trust and we've lost our faith. But maybe it doesn't have to be this way. Look at what we have, we have our family, we have each other. In the end everything worked out fine, everything's a…happy ending. In the end it all wrapped up a-okay.  
"We have our memory, and that can be an issue. But maybe it's good that we have our memory. It wouldn't be fair to forget this catastrophe; you can't just forget every mistake you've made. If you can't remember your mistakes, then you will just keep making them, over and over again. I don't know, I kind of don't want to go through _this _mistake again." He looks across at me, our eyes meeting for a second. In his glance I see shock, hurt and relief. He sighs once.

"Bella joined the family, and I was okay with this. Edward had never looked so…happy. I felt it almost my need to protect the human, if anything were to happen to her, I would not like to think of what would happen to Edward. Bella was…unusual, different than most humans. She thought differently, the mind powers not able to affect her. She was also more clumsy, trouble never far away. She was perhaps not the best choice for Edward, but he was happy with her, more then happy, he was in _love _with her. With those two it was not about the future, it was about living in the moment. One day Bella would die, either from age, a human disease or from an…accident on our behalf. Edward _wanted _the girl to be able to die, I mean; he didn't want to condemn her to immortality. They had to live in the moment, it was the only way.

"We accepted the girl like our own, but we had to be careful around her. It would not be an easy feat, we hunted more then normal, we could not afford a slip up. If not for the girl's sake, for Edwards. It was the first time in a long, long time that I had seen him take an interest in life, that I had seen him genuinely happy. We all did our best to try and make her welcome, we all did our best to try to make her one of us. But, in reality, she was our prey and we were the predators. And sometimes, occasionally, there was no escaping that.

"That single drop of blood seemed to tumble through the air at an infinitely slow pace, falling slowly before smashing into the ground, staining the carpet. I don't know how long it took me to realise just how bad the situation was, and I'm not sure how many days, weeks, months it took for me to _truly _understand how deadly that single drop of blood was. The scent came after the sight, the stench of rich, over-ripe fruit revolving through the air, heading towards me. It didn't make me thirsty; it didn't evoke the ancient lust for blood that is renown in my race. Instead it disgusted me, the sweet, sickly smell making me nauseous.  
"It took my mind a moment too long to realise what was happening, the scene in front of me had changed, morphing into something different, something terrible. Jasper was already at her, already having made up his mind, already having lost control. It was not easy to watch the scene unfold in front of my eyes, not being able to help at all. I was as though paralysed, rooted to the spot. I was unaware of my family around me; I was unaware of the four, shocked onlookers surrounding me. Edward was better prepared; I guess he had to be. Either he reacted straight away or he lost Bella. I don't know what would have happened if we lost Bella. How would Jasper feel about himself?  
"More over, how would Edward feel? How would Esme, Alice, Emmett, even Rosalie feel? How would I feel? Because, whether we had meant it to happen or not, Isabella had become a part of our family." Carlisle smiles slowly, looking down at his pale, large hands folded neatly in his lap.

"I was not prepared for Jasper to run away, it came as a great shock. Running away was one of the…worst things he could have done. He would never be able to forgive himself, never be able to see how the family was progressing if he left. And I was right, he got caught up in the wrong crowd, ran with the wrong people. Alice too, and Emmett, Edward, Rosalie, Esme, _me, _we all made poor choices. We should have tried harder, we shouldn't have allowed ourselves to sink into the abyss that we did. But, it's too late now and we shouldn't dwell on the past.

"And so Jasper left us, maybe it was for the better, maybe it made him realise how badly he was needed. Maybe, well maybe it let him realise how important he was. That with out him, this family would be broken. Maybe we should have assured him of this, maybe we should have let him realise how important he was. Maybe we should have, but we didn't. And there's no use playing the 'what if,' game.

"I honestly believed that he would come back. I didn't want us looking for him, it didn't seem…fair. This was his choice, we had to respect that. I honestly believed that he'd come back, I don't know how long it took me to come to terms with the fact that he was…gone. It didn't, however, take me long to realise that Alice would be leaving us. She wasn't coping well; she had no reason to cope well. It's not often that I feel concern towards Alice; she always seemed so…tough, so indestructible. But this bone-aching depression was not normal, was not healthy. It seemed good that Alice was leaving, she'd find Jasper, we could all rest easy. She'd cheer up; we'd all go back to our normal ignorance.  
"But she never came back. After Jasper leapt for Bella, his body transforming into the natural vampire monster, the natural predator, we were never the same. Alice began to escape inside of herself, withdrawing slowly in front of us. She didn't talk, she didn't smile, she didn't try. We all worried about her, it just didn't seem fair. We all worried about her, but sometimes worrying isn't enough. We didn't try. That doesn't seem fair.  
"Have you ever had all of your children walk out on you? Your whole family give up? Have you ever been in the same house as your wife, yet felt as though she was a million miles away? Have you ever had to put on a brave face and pretend that everything was okay when everything, _everything _was completely and utterly _not _okay? Have you ever had to walk into work each day, a fake smile plastered on your face whilst the colleagues whispered secrets about you and your family? Have you ever had to deny claims that your family was broken, have you ever had to discover that your denies were a lie?  
"Have you ever felt completely and utterly alone, with nobody to turn to, and yet you have had to keep a straight face? Have you ever just wanted to give everything you have ever lived for up?  
"I have."

Carlisle smiled thoughtfully and then continued, "Rosalie left after Alice, it wasn't a surprise. It shouldn't have been a surprise. It was her chance for a clean break; it was her chance to be normal. I respected that, I wasn't going to take that away from her. I refused to take her life away from her again. Again.  
"Emmett left, of course. It was natural. It was a horror movie based on my life. Of course he was going to leave, it would have been far too happy if he stayed." Carlisle's voice had turned bitter as he examined his fingernails. "Edward next. I don't know, that kind of hurt the most. I wasn't expecting it; I thought he'd stay with Bella. I thought Bella would be enough to convince him to stay. It wasn't enough. He left. I guess all those years we had spent together, I thought I had grown to know him. I didn't expect him to walk out.

"All those times me and Esme had joked about leaving the kids behind, all those times I had foolishly wished for peace and quiet. God I take that back. I take everything back. It wasn't fair. Had we done something wrong? Had we not been grateful enough? Did we not care enough, did we do something wrong? Surely we did something unforgivable; no pain that horrible is simply cast upon a family. It was not fair, but sometimes life isn't fair, and we have to learn to live with that fact. Sometimes we don't always get what we want, sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we get hurt. Life's a game, we make mistakes, we win some and we lose some. We either get back on our feet and move on, or we stay wallowing in self hate, self guilt, self pain. We're either strong enough to accept things, or we're too weak to realise that you don't have to actually blame someone. Sometime's accepting mistakes is the way to go. Not every wrong needs to be blamed on somebody. Not every mistake needs a reason. Sometimes we just have to forget and move on. Sometimes that's the only way.  
"It took me a while to realise this, it took me a while to realise that it was never actually anybodies _fault, _nobody was to blame. It took me a while to realise this, but eventually I understood. In life there is no point in holding a grudge, you're only hurting people, you're only hurting yourself. I didn't blame anyone for what had happened; it was just an awful accident. An accident that couldn't be helped. A stupid accident that tore us apart. It was nobodies fault, it took me too long to realise that."

Esme smiles encouragingly at her husband, her soft hair curls around her shoulders as she shrugs slightly, agreeing.

"And then, one day, Esme disappeared. For a few days our conversations had been limited. Ever since Edward left, or maybe it was Rosalie, she had become nothing but a mere shell. I didn't know how to react; I didn't know what to do. I could have helped her, maybe, but I didn't. Running away was my families way of grieving, hiding away was Esme's form of grieving. Escape was my way of grieving.  
"I welcomed the hospital as my sanctuary, a place I could forget, a place where the horrors at home were nothing but a distant dream. I never truly forgot, I mean, how could I? But if I immersed myself completely into my work, occasionally, occasionally I could pretend that my outside life didn't exist. I didn't like the lie that I had created for myself, it wasn't normal, it wasn't caring. I should have been home with Esme, helping her. Further more, I should have been looking for my family. I couldn't have continued to work at the hospital forever, some day I would have had to have left, someday they would have gotten suspicious.  
"The nights that I had to pretend to sleep were the worst. Some nights I didn't even return home. It was easier than facing Esme, easier than watching her sink lower and lower into the blackness. I should have cared more, I should have tried more. I didn't. It's too late, but we all make mistakes, we all mess up; and occasionally, well occasionally we have to move past it.

"We all make mistakes. But we're all, eventually, forgiven. And you know what? That's enough for me."

Carlisle smiled and a sense of bliss spread over me. Nobody was at fault, we all mess up, we all make mistakes. It's nobodies fault, nobody's to blame. Forgive and Forget, it's the only way.

.

_Sometimes I feel like adding smiley faces to the end of my chapters. :) But, to be using the proper language, I shall refrain myself. Let's pretend it's there.  
Should I write a Bella story? Because I've been told I should, even though the whole story was her POV, and yet, you know, apparently the Cullen's would like to hear her story. Yes? No? Review?  
This chapter is for x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x , just to show her that if I can post a chapter, she can too. Get on it girly! :)  
Courtii, emzigale07, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, Oomph_Kiddo, sheeiur22, FICTIONAL-STAR, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x, _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y_, motherduckatschool, ShanteRenee, TwilightNatty, IChimpz, twilightromance4ever and of course Zombie's Run This Town.  
You guys are beyond amazing. This story started out crap, but your reviews and feedback made me feel so uber-special :) This story is almost, finally over, and so I just want to say a massive THANKYOU! You make my day. _

_Please review. :)  
_

"


	36. XXVIII

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

'_Life's all about falling down.'_

When I was twelve, my mother took me along to a parent-teacher interview night. There was no one to look after me, and I was too young to be home alone by myself, she claimed.

Really I just think she didn't want to leave me. I was all she had. If I, for whatever reason, left this world, I couldn't picture Renee living on, I couldn't imagine her life. I mean, she'd live on, it's just...it wouldn't be the same. It was always Bella and Renee. Always. I _always _came first.

Maybe that's why I moved to Fork's, I informed the Cullen's as we sat around the deeply polished, mahogany table. Maybe it was because Phil arrived. It was no longer Bella and Renee, it was Renee and Phil. And Renee's daughter.

That's all I was, her daughter. It was no longer us against the world; it was me against the world, Renee having run off to join the sane ones. I was left alone, shivering in the cold, on the outside. I felt as though nobody understood me, nobody cared enough.

I didn't _want _to come to Fork's, but I was no longer welcome in Phoenix.

Although, after all this, I'm proud of my decision to come here; I know it was the right one. I regret many things, I explained to the family of vampire's around me, but I will never, ever regret my decision to come here. Maybe it was a mistake; I messed up your lives, your family, your trust, your hope. But, as bad as this sounds, I do not regret it. It was a mistake to come here, but it is not a mistake that I regret.

That day, when I was twelve, at the interview night, a teacher -my English one, I think- said something that I have never forgotten, nor forgiven him for.

He was running late, and I remember him giving my mother an apologetic gesture. 'My father died,' was his excuse. And he wasn't lying, as I had first assumed. He just had no emotion on his face, his nonchalance maddening me. And I remember Renee gushing her sympathy, attempting to persuade him to forget the interview, to go home to his family. And I remember Mr Rochelle shrugging the words off like winter snow, and simply saying, 'he was old.' As if just by being old, when a person died, meant that they didn't deserve sympathy, didn't deserve tears. Didn't deserve to be remembered.

I have never forgiven him that.

Sometimes I see people, and I just wonder, I wonder how they can be so self-absorbed, how they can be so...ignorant. I see people, and I just wonder how they can...live they way they do, without regrets, without sympathy. I see people, I see humanity, and it hurts me. Is that really how we are? So caught up in our own lives, too busy to care about anyone else?

To me, that seems pretty messed up.

I look silently around at the people who surround me, because that's what they are. People. They aren't immortal creatures to me, they aren't vampires. They're just...people, they're my family.

They're my family.

They say you can't choose your family, but to be grateful that you can choose your friends. Well I _did _choose my family, I chose the Cullen's. There was never any doubt in my mind that I wouldn't help them, wouldn't go searching for them.

If I didn't go on the hunt, than nobody would have. Right now we would all be sitting in our own terror of misery, of regret and hurt. I'd be sitting in my room, staring out the window, watching the rain lash the glass. I'd be crying silent tears, examining my shoes. I'd be procrastinating, or sinking into an ever-blackness of depression. I'd be dirty and blank, indifferent, uncaring. Cold, hard, heartless. Hopeless.

If we didn't find the Cullen's, Jasper would be living in his own special coven, his eyes would be a permanent deep red, his terror would be wide. He'd be living in self-hate, in anger, in torture. Jasper would forever be alone; he'd be scared and helpless, trapped in his choices. He'd be frightened, horrified. He'd be trapped in his ways. He'd be a monster. A true, evil monster.

If Jasper hadn't of known about Rosalie's wedding, than she'd be lost in a world of humans, all alone. She'd be trapped in her lies; she'd be hiding, afraid. Rosalie'd be alone, in the truest sense of the word. She'd have to constantly be on her guard, she'd be scared, terrified, lost, hopeless. She'd be stuck in a world of lies; she'd be cynical, different. She'd have been lost.

If I hadn't of tripped over Alice, she would still be stuck in her mindless blackness, she'd be falling, losing her self. She'd be a shell; she'd be forever living in her dreams, her nightmares. She'd be broken, she'd be scared, she'd be lost, she'd be hopeless. Alice'd be lonely, afraid, a shell. A broken, lost shell. She'd have slipped away.

If we hadn't of run for Emmett, if Alice hadn't of had her vision, than he'd be...gone. Forever, gone. He wouldn't be living, he wouldn't be here. And to me, that's pretty terrifying. He'd be gone forever, and then I would truly hurt, I would truly blame myself.

If I hadn't of forgiven myself, Edward would still be on the outside, still be patrolling the inner sanctums of his mind. He'd be disappearing inside of himself, hurting, blaming. He'd be lost, he'd be without hope. Edward would be a different, colder, changed person.

Esme, Esme would be stuck in her evolution of blame, hate. Serenity. She'd be stuck in her shell of a body. Waiting for the brightness to come, laying on her mattress, watching the hours, days, weeks, months crawl slowly past. Waiting to succumb to sleep. Forever waiting. She'd be entombed in her room, her body, her mind. Not feeling, never feeling.

If we had never returned, Carlisle would be stuck in his dreary, mind-controlling job, trapped. Everybody, trapped. He'd be lost, he'd be hopeless, he'd have lost everything that he had ever lived for. Have lost everything. Have lost. Lost.

We'd all have lost.

But we didn't lose, we didn't. After all the doubt I'd been through, in the end it didn't matter. Because we didn't lose, we came out fighting; we came out with our dignity intact. And that? Well, that's an achievement all upon it's self. Sometime's fighting is all you can wish for, sometimes, sometimes fighting is enough.  
Did I take a lot of risk by leaving my home, my safety zone? Yeah, I guess I did. But we all have to take chances every once in a while. We have to _live, _to feel that adrenaline coursing through our veins. If you never take chances, you never get anywhere. What was it that that old guy said once? To never take a risk is the biggest risk to take. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why does it matter? It wasn't the destination that was important, it was the journey. He risked everything by crossing that road. That took guts, Mr Chicken man.

"Do you want to hear my story?" I ask the people surrounding me, my family. Their silence is my encouragement. "When I came to Fork's I was nothing but a young, foolish, inexperienced teenager. I had materialistic wants, materialistic needs. I thought I had it bad, I felt sorry for myself, dwelling in the pain of a mother's abandonment. I moaned, I hated Fork's, I hated the attention, I hated the constant whispers behind my back, I hated the weather, I hated the constant feeling of being soaked. I hated everything, _everything. _When I came to Fork's, I was nothing but a miserable, complaining teenager. I was cynical; I thought the world was against me. I made everything, everything about _me. _I never thought to just stand back and look at the world, my life. Maybe if I had of stepped back, just took a step back and calmed down, I would have realised. I would have realised where my life was heading. I would have seen the signs, I would have caught myself. Maybe I could have saved myself from crashing, falling, cracking, breaking. Maybe I could have saved myself, my family."

But I didn't. I didn't.

"I was nothing but a mere human when I moved to Fork's, when I met you," I tell the Cullen's, a slight frown set into my fore-head. "I wasn't prepared for what was about to come, nothing could ever have prepared me for what was about to happen, for what I was about to meet. I've grown up a lot over the past few weeks, months. I've had to, there's no way I could have coped, mentally and physically, if I didn't. I grew up a lot, maybe too much for an eighteen year old. But this isn't always a bad thing. I've grown, I've matured. That's one good thing that has come out of all this. I guess, if we made a list, we could actually name a fair few things, a fair few good things that have come out of this utter and complete…catastrophe."

Our learn of trust, that's one thing. We're now more cautious, we don't throw ourselves out at anybody, we're safer, slower. We think before we act. That's a good thing, there's less chance of getting hurt, of falling. Now we don't go throwing our trust out at anybody, we have less of it, less to share. We're conservative, we only trust those who are worthy.

We've all grown up a little. We've seen the outside world, the horrors, the loneliness. That's brought us closer, now we don't go running off, now we don't flirt with the boundaries. We play it cool, we play it safe. We don't go off running, taking huge risks. We think, therefore we are.

We're braver, we've faced danger, we've faced ourselves, our loved ones. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do, but we managed. We succeeded. We're braver, more determined. We are not deterred to grab what should be ours, we may think before we act, but we do act. We eventually claim what is ours. We're braver, fiercer, wilder.

We're closer. That's a biggie, that's what's important. We're closer together, we stick by each other. We are, in summary, a family. That may not be amazing to you, that may be boring, cringe worthy. But before all this we were just a dysfunctional band of beings that never truly…got each other. There were the mythical people that in no way should I have been associating with, and then there was me. A teenager. A human. Now I'm no longer a human, they're no longer mythical vampires, they're just people, I'm just a person. Together we are family. And that, well that's pretty fucking important in my books. To you, family might mean something different. It might be that annoying band of humans you meet up with for Christmases, to you, family might be the dysfunctional lot you left behind long ago, to you, family might be golf every Sunday with the boys, family might mean the cell-mate next to you in jail, family might mean that friendly face in a world of masks. To you, family might mean the mother who threw you out of home when you were thirteen, to you, family might mean anything. We all have different versions. Family doesn't have to be blood-tied. Family is, to me, a group of people who have been through a lot of shit together, who have seen each others weaknesses and still not have given up, still not have walked out on each other. To me, that is what family is.

Togetherness.

.

Carlisle is quiet, calm. He appears almost as a statue, sitting solemnly on his hard backed chair. His face is a mask of serenity. His eyes are bright, soothing.  
I look up at Esme, her hand covering Carlisle's, her expression soft. She looks at peace, she looks happy. And just by looking at her facial expression, _I _feel at peace, I feel happy.  
Emmett's next to her, on the right. He's tapping quietly on the table, drumming his fingers to an inaudible beat. His head is held high, although his eyes are dark, brooding. But I'm not fussed. His eyes are alive, that's the main thing.  
Then there's Rosalie. Her blonde curls sway slowly beside her shoulders as she smiles, her face brightening. She looks at me, purposefully, deliberately. I give her an answering smile. She's got all the grace of a swan, sitting delicately on the edge of her chair. Her hands are folded neatly into her lap, she looks at peace. She looks accepted.  
Alice is in between Jasper and Rosalie. She's slumped slightly, her pupils faded. My heart jumps as she sighs, staring at the table. She's not perfect, not anymore, but someday, someday she'll get better.  
Jasper's next to me, he's completely motionless, his face turned away from me, towards Alice. I notice that their hands are entwined. That's enough for me.  
Then there's me, and next to me, there's Edward. His white skin gleams as he grips the edge of his chair, tendons flexing. This vaguely reminds me of my first day at Fork's High, the biology lesson. _The _lesson, the one that stands out above all the rest. And this makes me wonder; do we have to start all over again, me and Edward? Do we have to restart, to fall back in love? Where do we go from here? Only time will tell. We may not be the same, but it would have been foolish to hope that we would be. I'm not sure where me and Edward will go from here. Maybe we'll continue from where we left off, or maybe we'll go separate ways.

We'll still, always, be friends.

Yeah, we've made mistakes. But who hasn't? Nobodies perfect, nobody can claim that. Some good may have come from all this, but there is also the bad. Like, for instance, the crap that we had to put up with for three months. The blackness, the never knowing, the pain, hurt, angst, anguish, hopelessness. We won't be the same, never. But life's full of adventure, life's full of surprises. And not all surprises are good ones. But look for the silver lining, you know? Don't give up, never give up.

'_Living's about getting back up.' _

_. _

_This isn't the final chapter, I shall post the mighty epilogue in a few (2?) days. :)  
The first and last sentences are a saying by somebody. Probably somebody famous. I used it once in an English assignment and couldn't find the quote ever again. I thought it was fitting, anyway. :)  
I'm not going to go through with the usual shenanigans, but I hope you all realise how important you are, and how much your reviews mean to me. Thankyou for all your support throughout this story, and thanks for believing in me, and for allowing me to finish with no hatin'. :) This story wasn't meant to be anything in particular, but with anybody who ever alerted, fav'd, reviewed, PM'd, voted in my useless polls, nominated, or rec'd me, you all brought this fic' into something that I can actually say I've finished, and actually be proud of. Later I shall, of course, go back and proof everything, and make everything prettiful, but right now I can't bear to touch it. :)  
And so thankyou, to anybody who just took the time. Now of course I must do the thanking of the previous reviewers. Tradition perhaps? :)  
Thanks to IChimpz, for just being IChimpz and for being utterly awesome :), thankyou to motherduckatschool, who helped me when this story was low, thankyou to TwilightNatty, who has helped me laugh when I felt like hitting my head against the wall, thanks to _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y_ for letting me vent my frustration out on her, thanks to Laura 2426 for making me laugh and for keeping me in the know. :) Thanks to FICTIONAL-STAR for your help and for just being plain awesome, a huge thanks to Oomph_Kiddo for always making me smile, always. Thankyou to emzigale07 for all your reviews, and for all your help :), thanks to twilightromance4ever, my first friend on here, for being awesome, thanks to ILoveTwilightGetOverIt for all your reviews and for not giving up on me. Thanks to sheeiur22 for never giving up on me, and for her countless reviews, a massive thankyou to Ione Skye who makes me feel awesome and cool, and who is awesome and cool in return. Thankyou to ShanteRenee for all your reviews, and for writing an amazing fic' :) and Courtii. For being Courtii, and for forcing me to write when I didn't want to. :) Thanks to x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x who bribes me to write, and for being awesome. :) And, alas, Zombie's Run This Town, who has been amazing to me, who has never given up on this story and whose support makes me blush :)  
Also, a massive thankyou to Emma, animalzgalore87, BleedingLove101 and Amber Talamasca and TTS Rocks for your amazing reviews, and for making me feel extra special. You're all amazing. 3 _

_Have a beautiful day, excuse the huge a/n. Please review? :)_

_Thankyou. :)_


	37. Epilogue

_I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does. _

**A World of One **

I hate cliché stories. Stories that begin with 'Once Upon a Time,' and end with 'And They Lived Happily Ever After.' They're unrelateable, unbelievable, foolish, mindless. They envision a world that is…perfect. And sometimes, sometimes that isn't what we need.

_Once Upon a Time… _

The Cullen's held a nineteenth birthday party for me, some sort of sick joke I presume. I stood in the living room, surrounded much the same as last year by Vampires. Blood drinking Vampires. There was Edward, beside me. Esme and Carlisle, standing by the cabinet. Rosalie and Emmett, near the coffee table. Then there was Alice and Jasper. Jasper's smile was shy, guarded.  
I casually slipped my finger beneath the purple wrapping. I smiled as someone, Rosalie I think, made an inappropriate joke about last year.

…_there was an ordinary girl… _

But I wasn't paying attention, not really, because as I pulled my index finger free from the paper, a sharp, acute pain ran through my hand. My eyes welled up with tears as I noticed the miniature, devastating scratch.

…_who fell in love with a Vampire… _

We all watched the single, powerful drop of blood free-fall through gravity.

…_after a huge adventure… _

Nobody spoke as the crimson liquid seeped into the carpet, forming into a russet brown as it dried. Nobody spoke as we waited, waited for what would surely happen. Nobody spoke as we waited, waited for the end.

…_the adventure broke trust and hope. It formed fury, hurt, regret, hate, pain, longing and torture… _

But the end never came and the scratch, over time, morphed into a scar. Morphed into a memory.

…_eventually, gradually, the family came back together. The pain vanished, relief taking its place. And the hope was finally, _finally _replaced… _

I laugh as I look down at the band-aid covering my finger. The band-aid that Jasper had handed me.  
All eyes were trained on my finger, on the blood. I had jumped a little as I noticed the blonde haired Vampire slowly approach me, walking carefully through the statue of bodies. His arms were spread out in a sign of innocence, as if to prove that he wasn't going to hurt me. He paused a step away from me, slowly reaching into his pocket. I had snorted as he handed me the adhesive strip, the band-aid. And he had smiled. He had smiled.

…_and the girl found Peace… _

We all make mistakes. Every single one of us. We all have regrets, and there are some things that we would redo, if given the chance. Everybody, _everybody _makes mistakes. Some mistakes are bigger than others, and some mistakes are hardly worth worrying about at all. We all make mistakes, nobody, _nobody _is perfect. You're wasting your life if you're striving for perfection, all you can do is try your best, all you can do is live in the moment. That's horribly cliché of me, and I've mentioned that I hate cliché stories. But not all tales have to be of death and destruction; you're allowed one happy ending, one glimmer of hope.

…_my name is Bella Swan, and I saved the Cullen family… _

We all make mistakes. But we also all get second chances. We've all made mistakes, and that makes us equal, that makes us all, in a way, human. That makes us all, in a way, a world of one.

…_And They Lived Happily Ever After._

_. _

_And all I can say is Thankyou. Thankyou to everyone who ever supported me. Thankyou for everything. Thankyou isn't a big enough word. _

_Just, thankyou. _

_Also, if you liked A World of One, check out my other stories. :) _

_Thankyou. Seriously, thankyou. I love you all. You've helped me more than you know. :)_


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